How to get revenge against the sociopath

You’ve finally figured out what is wrong with an individual who has taken advantage of you, abused you, perhaps even assaulted you. Reading Lovefraud, you realize that he or she is a sociopath.

Now, you’re an emotional wreck.  You’ve been profoundly betrayed. You’re justifiably angry. Plus, the sociopath has caused you real problems. Perhaps all your money is gone. Or you’re in a vicious child custody battle. You’ve lost your job, your savings or your home. You suffer from anxiety, depression or PTSD.  You feel so far down that you don’t even know which direction is up.

You are outraged by the sociopath’s actions. You are further outraged that after this individual bulldozed through your life, he or she seems to be facing absolutely no consequences. The predator has simply moved on to a new target, leaving you in a heap of ashes.

You want your life back. You want to sociopath to be accountable for the destruction he or she caused.  And you want to make sure he or she never does this to another human being. But the predator turns on the charm, or plays the victim, or convinces everyone that you are mentally unstable. No one seems to be able to help you. In fact, no one even understands what you’re talking about.

It’s infuriating. If you were honest with yourself, you’d have to admit that you really want revenge.

“Living well is the best revenge”

This proverb was recorded by the English poet George Herbert in 1651. Perhaps whoever originally said it hundreds of years ago knew about sociopaths.

Right now, with your life in tatters, you probably feel like “living well” is an impossible dream. But you can start working towards that goal immediately—and stick it to the sociopath in the process.

The sociopath’s prime objective in life is power and control. If you deny the sociopath power and control over you, you take away what he or she wants most.

The power and control that the sociopath exerts is primarily over your thoughts and emotions. You can break that power and control, and it doesn’t even have to cost you any money. The first step, of course, is No Contact. We talk about No Contact all the time on Lovefraud, but if you need a refresher course on how to do it, read:

How to implement No Contact

It’s true that No Contact is difficult in many cases, such as if you share children with the sociopath, or you work together. In these situations, you need to get to Emotional No Contact. That means you detach emotionally; you do not allow him or her to upset you. There are caveats to this as well, because sociopaths are capable of atrocious behavior that really pushes your buttons. In these cases, you certainly deserve to be upset—just don’t let the sociopath see it.

Remember, they want power and control. If they see that they have triggered you, they know that they still have power and control over you.

The key, therefore, is to focus on healing yourself and improving your life. It will take time. It will require processing the pain, disappointment and anger of the betrayal. But if you decide to recover, you can do it. For more on this, read:

After the sociopath, make the decision to recover

This does not mean that the sociopath should get away with what happened. But if you want to hold the sociopath accountable, you need to do it from a position of strength. Working on your own recovery is the best way to develop the strength.

“Revenge is a dish best served cold”

The source of this statement is also unclear—it was first translated from French to English in 1846, but apparently was already a proverb by then.

It’s not a good idea to consciously go out to seek revenge.  (Another proverb attributed to the Chinese philosopher Confucius states, “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”) But as time goes by and you build your inner strength, you may suddenly find yourself faced with an opportunity to hold the sociopath accountable.

The sociopath, of course, will continue a life of destruction. Eventually, he or she may target the wrong person or seriously break the law, and someone may contact you to find out what you know about this disordered individual. Then, in a calm and collected manner, you can describe your experience, provide evidence that proves a pattern of behavior, and contribute to some type of justice—whether it’s getting the individual prosecuted, exposed in the media, or just ruining his or her efforts with yet another potential victim.

Revenge may be possible, but probably not right away. So focus on your first priority, which is healing your own life. Then, be patient. By releasing the pain and upset of your betrayal, you’ll be ready when an opportunity arrives for justice.

To you, justice will be sweet revenge.

313 Comments on "How to get revenge against the sociopath"

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  1. harmoneee says:

    Everything about an experience with a psychopath/sociopath/narcissist is so hard; the relationship itself…all the torture; the moment you realize what you’re dealing with; the complete hole in your life when they’re gone, even if it’s what you wanted; the why….discovering a “name” for it. At first it feels kinda good that you can answer the “why” and that you are not alone. This process is very healing because finally something makes sense! All of the stages (love bombing, gas lighting etc) make sense!; No contact. All extremely hard. The last stage is the hardest of all. Letting KARMA get revenge on your behalf. You want them to suffer like you have! You want to warn the next SUPPLY/unsuspecting soul. The hardest realization is that you CAN DO NOTHING! It won’t matter. It’s a cruel reality. They will go about their lives without a care because they have no feelings or conscience. AND, they never will. It’s not fixable ….yet. All of the evidence suggests that most of these people are born this way ….an abnormality in the brain. I try to remember this whenever memories creep in. They didn’t choose to be evil. They can’t help it. It’s quite the paradox. Heal yourself and let go. We are more enlightened and powerful than they will ever be because we can do just that. They will never experience the life-sucking torture they inflicted upon us, but they will also never experience joy. Know that and let that be your secret revenge.

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    • harmoneee says:

      P.S. It sounds kind of uncaring to not warn the next person if you can help it. I struggled so hard with this one. But, I decided not to. Why? Just thinking about it, sleuthing on social media etc., kept me connected. I was obsessed. Had to let go. He was dangerous but I didn’t feel she was physically in danger. It’s a fine line. Let goooo. Two years later I still have to remind myself. Don’t feel bad if you have a hard time letting go. Keep trying.

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  2. learned the hard way says:

    When they say Karma is the best way to seek revenge, it is true! My first wife was the definition of the word sociopath. She lured me in with the best sex I could ever imagine. I basically took care of both her and her son with the best I could afford. I paid all the bills and the little money she made was hers to do with however she wanted. The boys dad was in prison so there was no help from him. As time went on she became bored and started drinking and doing meth. She lost her job so I had to work all the overtime I could get to continue giving them the nice things in life. She was still bored so she started cheating with a friend of mine because he was home all day. I found out so that was the end of the marriage but she turned it around with her lies and slander to our friends making it all my fault. The meth and alcohol made her one of the meanest persons I had ever met. I wanted revenge but did not want to go to jail so I turned it over to my higher power. Long story short it took 20 years but she died Feb 5, 2015 of stage 4 pancreatic cancer from the excessive drinking and drug abuse. I really got even when I sent flowers to her hospital room with a card that said “You are in my Prayers”. Her son told me she could not believe I would send flowers after the way she treated me. I wanted her to leave this planet knowing how people should treat other people. Vengance is mine sayeth the Lord!

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  3. KarmaChameleon says:

    I want justice. I want justice for my son who has suffered abuse from his dad for his entire life. I want justice for me because I have lost everything including my home, jobs, savings, and relationships because of the spath. And all the while, the spath is living a great life with no worries whatsoever, except to think of new ways to torment my son and I.

    We have less than 2 years left on this ridiculous parenting plan, then my son and I are free of spath. Free of his evil. My son is now and likely will be in counseling for quite a while to try to undo the damage that has been done to him. I want the spath to pay for what he’s done. I want him to suffer and be abused the way he has abused us.

    I know the spath will never get what he deserves; what is the correct punishment for a child abuser? For a manipulator and a liar? For someone who fools the courts and fools our therapists? What would a fitting punishment be? I’ve pictured many scenarios over the years.

    I know it is unhealthy to dwell. Of course I know. But I see the suffering of my son and it is impossible not to want to hurt the person who is hurting him. The best I can hope for is that when we are finally free of the spath, my son’s scars will heal, and we can both move on and have joy and peace in our lives.

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    • serenity12 says:

      Justice feels great I hear ya. I had the BEST justice! Saw her in a supermarket and showed her texts from the night before…. She was so pissed at him… Best revenge right? No… They’re still together. After the smoke clears here’s the best revenge….. Who cares!!! Not my journey! You’ll feel better and empowered soon I absolutely promise!

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  4. serenity12 says:

    Listen… I joined this site a few years back with a horrific story just like yours… I’m telling you out of sight out of mind 100% works!!! It really does! It’s friggen hard but I’m free of my ex and living a great life!! Hey… I’m still single, and learning… It’s not a revenge fairytale that I imagined… But I don’t even friggen care!! I moved to Italy!!! I made a change! I know not everyone can do that.. But those that can… Shake s$&t up!!

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  5. KarmaChameleon says:

    That’s great to hear. I am counting the days until I can go No Contact. Sending the spaths emails directly to ‘Trash’, deleting his unread texts and blocking his calls will be so liberating. I can’t wait for that day to come. I hope my son can find some way to manage their relationship if he chooses to allow his father to remain in his life; I’m hoping he goes No Contact as well, but that will be his decision.

    I’m glad you have found peace.

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