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Lovefraud Lesson #7: Sociopaths trap us into making promises

Donna Andersen explains why we should not feel obligated to keep promises made to sociopaths. Watch the latest episode of Lovefraud Lessons here:

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39 Comments on "Lovefraud Lesson #7: Sociopaths trap us into making promises"

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  1. rgc112063 says:

    usless,
    my wife seems to feel the same way. what we mean by things in our past, are things that may have compromised our self esteem. when we have sufficient self esteem we are usually ok with telling people no. without self esteem we might be easily induced to feel obligated, or might be easily impressed without first seeing more proof of someones sincerity. we also have problems with boundaries and limitations. we take peoples word and invest in them before we have proof that they are worthy of our time.

    our self esteem is built upon our past experiences. plain and simple. most people agree that we as humans are really the sum of our experiences. for example, before i was married i was kind of a lonely guy. i as a teen, got my high school girlfriend pregnant, endured quite a bit of crap. (no the girl isnt the only one who gets crap) rumors flew and first thing you know, the freshman girls are literally moving to the opposite side of the hall when they see me coming. this had an effect on me and i didn’t get over it for a long time.
    now obviously i didn’t deserve to be treated that way. and at the time i would even joke about it. but it stuck with me foe a long time and i didn’t realize that until l looked back and kind of uncovered it. it was kind of dirty and nasty to do but now it carries much less weight. i now see why i had so much difficulty dating or at least getting a date. back then i just thought i must be some loser but it was the lack of confidence that the girls could see was missing. and that lack of confidence was caused by my experience. when your a guy and chicks run away from you, well it leaves a mark.
    my point is here that when we dig back in the dirt of our past, it is more common than not to find a few bones if not whole skeletons.
    its scary till you do it a few times.
    rgc



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  2. rgc112063 says:

    pattywhack,

    thanks for the compliment but i wish i’d spent more time thinking about these things years ago. guess better late than never.
    rgc



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  3. myheart says:

    Spath told me all the time with a big pride, he believes in “conditioning” children and I guess wife as well and his mom. He uused to say when you enforce a repeatition people around you will do things without even thinking. And when one of the kid will not do what he thought is right, he would yell and yell.

    Even on 7th birhtday of my son, after we were done wiht the party, and he was happy oepning gifts in his room, this guy went and start yelling at him, why he has all thei gift papers everywhere in the room.

    He made sure that none of can even feel joy even for one second, for the celebration regarding graduation and birhtday. “Fear factor” is his mantra.

    I looked at this person and tried to figure out, who is he, what does he want from us, what will make him happy, but as soon as I would think I know what will make him happy, he would bring something else, you promised this but you didn’t do this, or children didn’t do this.

    Sorry even writing about this making me upset.



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