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About Stolen Lives

Over the years, hearing many victim stories, I often felt the pain and loss of “stolen lives.” Note that having one’s life stolen is not the same process as giving one’s life away. There are some who spend 30 or more years in a relationship with a sociopath/psychopath and it is important people understand that there is always coercion involved in the process of making and maintaining these relationships.

Consider that the coercive behavior that begins and maintains relationships occurs on a continuum from persuasion, to lying/manipulation to taking someone physically by force. The point is that there was never informed, freely given consent. If the victim had known the truth of what they were dealing with, they never would have been in the relationship. The person they thought they were with and the life they thought they had, did not exist. As this website points out, the perpetrator was a fraud.

This kind of fraud should be a crime, especially when it results in pregnancy, but that is a discussion for another day.

As you are recovering and living what is left of your stolen life, you might gain inspiration from someone who experienced extreme relationship coercion, Jaycee Dugard, a woman who was kidnapped at age 11 and held 18 years. I highly recommend her book, A Stolen Life.

In the book, Jaycee tells the story of her: abduction, the birth of her two daughters when she was 14 and 16, her daily life and eventual rescue. The book is so well written, I felt close to her as I read it and so grateful she had the bravery to tell her story. This is one of the best descriptions of life with a psychopath that has ever been written. If you lived with a psychopath you will relate to the twisted reality she endured. Also consider that she presses on, making the best of the life she has left and so can you!

This quote gives you a taste of the twisted reality, you may relate to:

“I gave my power to my abductor. I was the one to comfort him when he was the one in the wrong. Where was my comfort? Where was my freedom? Why did I feel the need to comfort my tormentor? Violating my body was not enough? He had to violate my mind as well? He had the ability to turn every situation to suit his needs.”

If you like Jaycee, were coerced into giving up your power, you can also decide today to take it back.

For more on this story, watch Jaycee Dugard interview: Diane Sawyer speaks candidly with survivor.



41 Comments on "About Stolen Lives"

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  1. Charm4u says:

    Part 3 – I was Married to a Sociopath/Emotional Terrorist!!!

    The long-term stress and trauma almost killed me. I thought I was going crazy. I dared not talk to anyone because he had threatened to kill me if I did.

    Of course, he told all his family and our friends that I had ‘mental problems’ and that nothing I said about him was true. Since he was so totally charming, they all believed him!!! This was after I went to the shelter, received a restraining order and started divorce proceedings. It was also after he went to jail for violating the restraining order. 100% of our supposed friends severed all contact with ME!!

    There were a few times during the marriage when Spath actually cried. Now I know that it was all a game to him. He had no conscience or remorse about anything that he had done. He only did it to get what he wanted and ‘win’!!!

    All I can say is, Thank God I got out alive!!! After I left him, I felt like I had been released from a concentration camp. I realized how totally toxic this man was to me and severed all contact. In fact, I moved halfway across the country to an undisclosed state to get away from him completely. It took me several years to rebuild my life. Now, I have joy and peace in my life.

    Thank you for reading about my unfortunate experience with a sociopath. There is something healing about finally being able to tell the truth about what really happened.

    My heart goes out to all of you who have had to deal with the ravages of being in a relationship with a sociopath. There IS life and healing on the other side!!!



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  2. Truthspeak says:

    Charm4u, welcome to LoveFraud, and I’m so sorry to read of your experiences.

    I’m so glad that you’re recovering. Your recovery provides hope for those of us who are fighting our ways out.

    Brightest blessings to you



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  3. blossom4th says:

    Somewhere on the LoveFraud Blog,I have seen the term ‘firestorm’ applied to the early part of our recovery period from our spath.That would define where I’m at.Although this has nothing to do with the book that was being discussed in earlier comments,I thought it worthy of being mentioned because I realized that some of the anger & sadness within was able to be released when I watched Alex Haley’s “Queen” today.When I was younger I had seen earlier episodes of “Roots”.Some or many of you may know that Halle Berry portrayed Queen.She was Alex’s grandmother.Anyway,she suffered greatly,not only herself,but by the things she saw.The affects it had on her mind would not show up for years.Strong person,she was.When she “lost it” and then when her husband had to take her to the insane asylum(thankfully it was only temporary),I was reminded of how CLOSE I came to that situation myself!!!Then later today,I read a comment posted back in Aug,from a reader dying of cancer who felt she has learned to be so forgiving.I cried then,too.Because those were my feelings all those 28 yrs that I stayed with my spath!But I finally realized that I was in a LOSING battle as long as I stayed with him,and begged my dr for help.I was fortunate.She helped me realize there was ONLY ONE solution-eventually leave.Two days later,without mentally having to draw up any courage,I walked out the door,never to return.What happened?!After fixing his breakfast and finally settling down to eat mine;after getting the first spoonful of rice in my mouth,my throat started closing up-I couldn’t breathe!My husband called me a drama queen repeatedly-I calmly put the bowl down on the counter and walked out the door!Guess what?!!My throat opened up and I was breathing just fine!



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  4. Ox Drover says:

    Blossom4th,

    I’m not sure where you saw the term “firestorm” but believe me many if not all of us understand the term “crazymaking” here because that is what they do, they make us CRAZZZZY!

    Your insightful experience with your breakfast and your courage to get up and walk out are wonderful and I applaud you loudly!!!! (Sound of BOTH hands clapping!)

    Accepting the truth about our situations is difficult for most if not all of us again. We see what is wrong but we can’t accept it, or we think we must be mistaken, or that somehow the problem is our fault and if we just try harder, work harder, it will all come together and be fixed. Well, we can’t fix them, and they won’t fix themselves. We can only fix ourselves. BTW Wise doctor you have.

    Glad you are here at LF. When I first came here I was living in hiding from the man my son sent to murder me, crying uncontrollably, and “crazy as a sheet house rat” (that’s a technical medical term, if you don’t understand it I’ll get you a definition. LOL 🙂 )



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  5. blossom4th says:

    Ox,
    Oh yeah,Crazzzzy works just fine too….I felt that way on a daily basis!And that’s what woke me up.My body and mind had sustained all the damage thru the years that they could!I had maintained strong composure thru it all(actually I was just scared stiff!);many people commenting on “what a strong person you are!”Believe you me-it wasn’t my strength!I was always sickly and am an epileptic (the spath just about finished off the brain!).Now,I can add fibromyalgia to the list of diagnosis’…more than likely another ‘gift’ from the spath!
    Oh yes-please do explain”crazy as a sheet house rat”!From what I’ve been reading,you’ve certainly been through alot,and I can understand why you choose to call your mom an ‘egg donor’ and why you have trouble trusting.



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