Many, many people who have been romantically involved with sociopaths have told me that the sex was the best they ever had. In my latest video, I explain why.
Watch Lovefraud Lesson #6: Sociopaths and sex on the Videos page.
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As soon as you leave him, he will most likely come back with the sexual “carrot” again to lure you back in and then rinse and repeat. Sex/no sex….
So, I suggest when you do make the NO CONTACT choice, you stick to it 100% and do not let him back in, because if you weaken and give him “another chance” it will back fire in your face big time.
Read here and learn, because KNOWLEDGE IS POWER and you must take back the power you have given over to him.
You WILL eventually get him out of your head and you will be “normal” again….DIFFERENT maybe but that’s okay because it will be different in a wiser way, a better, stronger way. God bless and again, welcome to Love Fraud.
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Oxy and Skylar, my ex spath told me when we started dating in 20120 that she told her friends ‘Hes the best sex I’ve ever had.’ However, knowing now how promiscuous she is and how spaths use sex not as an emotional connection with someone, but a s tool for power and control, it does sting to know she probably used the same balsa wood, plastic compliment with other partners. I recently found out from a mutual friend, not long after she and I met and stopped dating, she threw herself at and made the first move on my friends ex. She really pressed to spend the night with him and he said no twice. The third time was when she started to get more desperate she she showed up at his house with an overnight bag and without him knowing it, was naked and in his bed. So guess what happened next? My friend said she doesn’t blame him one bit for engaging with her. her words were ‘If she’s going to show up, uninvited after he says no twice and she’s naked in his bed…we’re all adults here. She knew what she was doing and got EXACTLY what she wanted.’ Now, granted, we weren’t together at that time so she was free to do what she wanted as well as I was. But….don’t think I’m stupid enough to believe that you have been in love with me since the day we met when you pursue a man to the point where you actually have to get undressed in his room after he tells you no to you spending the night with him TWICE and then try and convince me I gave you the best sex ever. There’s a name for women like that…and now I’m convinced that is that very name.
As far as spath’s and their ability to want to contact someone weeks, months or even years after the breakup? I’m not so sure. If you two knew what was said between my ex and I, and then what she was saying to a mutual friend about me (she called me, in so many words, unstable), I think you both would agree that my ex spath (who also has characteristics of borderline personality disorder – boy did I find a gem with this one!) won’t take a chance in contacting me. Mutual friends who knew her and knew of her (I met this woman in 2009, saw the red flags then….and was dumb enough to think in 2012 we could have a functioning relationship – WHOOOPS!) say they’re convinced she’ll try and reach out to me at some point. My therapist is convinced she will also. Spaths and BPD’ers share similar traits and one is they thrive on the chaos they bring to people’s lives an find themselves so bored they’ll reach out to anyone. It’s like once you’re in their mental Rolodex, you’re there FOREVER! ANyway, just thought I’d present that to both of you and see what you’re thoughts are. No right or wrong answer, just want an outside perspective. Hope you’re both doing well!!!!
it’s par for the course. They all do that. They give us the best sex ever and then they withhold it. (well, some of them give us great sex, others just give bad sex, but the plan was always to withhold it.)
Meanwhile, rest assured that he is having sex with multiple other partners. They could be male or female, paid or unpaid, it doesn’t matter.
As Oxy said, they do tend to come back once they think you are trying to get free of them.
This is because it was never about anything but power, control and manipulation.
I agree with skylar. Having had many abusive , controlling partners before age 31 , when I met the guy who turned my life and brain into a 3-ring circus , the start was fast , he asked me to move in with him within 24 hrs , wanted to cut me off from everyone , told me I was wonderful and showered me with surprise gifts and trips , and the sex was better than I had ever had. Then he wanted 3-somes , and more , he would buy me things , things I could never afford for myself , as bribs. When I confronted him with the fact that I knew what he was doing , he blew up , and withheld everything.He had/has sex with ANYONE male or female , is a drug addict and is fake as a botoxed tooth-bleaching sociopath can be , and I hope there is Karma , because I still think of him , even though I am no longer attracted to him , and the cherry on top? He used to be a social worker until he started getting intimate with the people he was supposed to help. But , it wasn’t his fault , they started it/forced him.Sheesh. Now a days , I want to just be alone.Running to get checked for std’s all the time starts to be more than embarassing.
botoxed tooth bleaching sociopath ~! oh my thanx for the chuckle
Slowlybut, thanks for this like Moon I had to laugh – knowing the absurd vanity of my abuser- at the botox etc. Very well done to have escaped. Peace and love to you,x
skylar mentioned them withholding sex in order to manipulate and control….that explains alot.I never experienced the fireworks that other posters mention.However,after 7 yrs of marriage,he decided to withhold the sex.Actually,we’d had a tactful,but firm conversation,about how his weight was affecting the situation.Instead of losing any weight,it only ballooned through the years.
I have direct experience with this issue of weight. My “significant other”‘ is passive aggressive and has other issues. He stopped accepting responsibility and became a child while he was supposed to be my partner. His weight balooned up 100 pounds. It was all to punish me.
Unarticulated, of course, and took me years to figure it out.
Spath one was my first love and he was good sex…my first and then everyone else in town and he lied about it and made it my fault for being angry. So I swore off of passion and married the stable boring one. He was a psychopath too. Sex was for his pleasure only and women who enjoyed sex were sluts and whores. You just cannot peg these guys except for evil and without empathy.
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—a man who I now consider to be a sociopath. I didn't know anything about sociopaths when I said, "I do." Before you give away your love, your money or your life, read this website.
—Donna Andersen, author of Lovefraud.com
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