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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Letting go of monetary justice is releasing the ties that bind

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader whom we’ll call “Filippa.”

I’ve been reading Lovefraud for years. I’ve also been in a legal battle with the ex that has been clinically diagnosed as narcissist, OCD, paranoid that has a father of the same, with millions who loves to be in legal battles for sport, and whose motto is, “I’ll show you how to screw over an ex-wife.”

Yesterday, seven years later, we finally went to trial. Yesterday, I figured it out … releasing all his obligations to me, means I free myself of him ever having any more control to manipulate the legal system to harass me or my children. I gave up $150K for full legal and physical custody. He cares only about the money. I care only about our children.

I won!

What I have learned is that I’m smarter and more resilient then I ever realized. For the past seven years I’ve survived this lunatic and his toxic family system and their use of the legal system by proxy to haunt, harass and assassinate my character as well as our children’s, alienating them from even their grandparents. Now that I don’t have to deal with them anymore, I am free to use the same power and energy creating abundance.

Even though, temporarily, I often can’t buy food, and struggle to pay my rent, I am already blessed with abundance; all of my four children are responsible, compassionate, hard working, perceptive, self-driven, loyal, and protective of each other. No typical teen rebellion, or out-of-control behavior. They are filled with wisdom, grace, forgiveness, and humor, so beautifully hard-working, and talented.

Thank you for your insights and willingness to commit yourself to bringing these brilliant people together to share their heartache. Their profoundly transparent stories kept me sane all these years. I wasn’t alone. I didn’t even have to share, though I did under an alias. Reading their stories was like reading my own. I didn’t have to explain, but when I did, the support was profound. I’ve been to therapy. Nothing compares to the healing and support I’ve felt from this site.



79 Comments on "LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Letting go of monetary justice is releasing the ties that bind"

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  1. darwinsmom says:

    The problem is that people think DNA is always conclusive and easy to get. In reality most crimes rarely have full proof DNA evidence if at all and rely still a lot on circumstantial evidence. Death penalty possibility can even deter the jury from convicting anyone without DNA evidence and then the criminal walks. With a life sentence though the decision can still be reversible if new evidence or new witnesses,etc come forward. I think some of the imo spaths that got convicted for life the past few years based on circumstantial evidence in my country would probably not have been convicted at all if the jury would have feared they’d get the death penalty for the conviction.

    But I’m all for true life sentence without parole, preferable isolation for crimes like these, especially when it’s recidive.

    I can comprehend that the jury gave Michelle Martin 30 years, instead of life… She didn’t save them, never helped them, but she didn’t kidnap them, didn’t imprison them, didn’t torture them, etc… She didn’t even live in those horror houses. But she was also recidive in ‘doing nothing’ and being an accomplice in that way, and I think there shouldn’t be parole or early release on recidive crime…



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  2. skylar says:

    IMO, the problem with the death penalty is that it turns us into them. That’s what they want, for us to be as evil and guilty of sin as they are.

    Shunning is the best thing to do to spaths because it’s the one thing they can’t stand: to be ignored.

    Unfortunately, people don’t understand how important it is, especially when the spath is young, to teach them that they won’t get attention by doing evil.

    I agree with darwinsmom, solitary life sentence.



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  3. Back_from_the_edge says:

    She didn’t save them.
    That is the same as doing it in my book.
    She knew it was going on and she didn’t save them.

    I agree with you darwinsmom.
    Completely, on every point you made.

    I just pray and hope that some day the children will be
    justified. In some how, some way. Nothing will ever bring
    them back. But we must always remember them. In that
    way, they will always live.

    One of the most horrid things I have heard in a long time…
    May their little souls rest in peace.



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  4. Back_from_the_edge says:

    oh yes: solitary life sentence.
    absolutely.

    yes, skylar: it would turn us into them just a bit; hm?
    I had thought that but didn’t say it. They do want us to be as evil as they are so then they can say we are just like them.

    shunning IS the best thing to do to them because they absolutely HATE being ignored. They may let you ignore them for a little while – just until you think ‘its gone’ and they are right back there in your face with the old ‘soul mate’ routine. Please….that story ended years ago. Why don’t they ever get the drift? Hm?

    You are right, skylar, people don’t understand how important it is to teach young spathy types that they won’t get attention doing evil. You are absolutely right. First, people have to be aware of what they are looking at and experiencing. That’s not always easy for parents to do. Admit there is a problem. Especially in the hustle and bustle of every day living; hm?

    Dying is too easy for the truly wicked.
    Living a long, long life is what they need.
    PUT THEM IN THE CELLAR.



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  5. darwinsmom says:

    Yes, shunning and ending up totally forgotten about with nobody but themselves to pester. A lifelong sentence of absolute boredom.

    At least Dutroux himself is in for good and in fact is in permanent isolation. His trial is over and done with. No parole possible. His houses have been seized by municipilaties and turned into memorials for the victims. The victims should be remembered, the man who did it to them wastes away meanwhile without attention and without the ability to pester anyone, except his lawyer; a lifelong living hell of boredom and namelessness for him.

    At least a huge part of our policing, especially in structure has been hauled over after it. We used to have military police and civil police and it was just a muck of the two competing and sabotaging each other. They were united into one police corps. It still needs improvement, but at least the structural causes that led to the horror of the cries for rescue of those 8 year olds went unheard. I do know the policeman who heard the voices but thought they came from outside is a broken man because of it, burdened by the knowledge that he could have saved them if he had connected the dots.



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  6. skylar says:

    Darwinsmom,
    oh that is so hard to hear, about the policeman who wishes he had done different.

    I’m not sure the exact reason (or perhaps there are many reasons) why Jaycee’s story made me so sick.

    She was rescued the same summer that I was. it was 2009 and I remember reading and knowing exactly why she didn’t run when she could. I didn’t know the words cog/dis but I knew about spaths by then. The story may have triggered memories. These memories weren’t in the form of thoughts, but rather, emotions with no thoughts attached at all.

    Her spath, whose name should not be mentioned, (Harry Potter books are all about spaths) knew how to make her feel dependent so she wouldn’t run or even disclose her identity. He made her want to protect him. That’s what Sandusky did to Paterno and his ilk.

    The small bit I read online from her book described her kidnapping. The abductor drove into the oncoming lane to ask for directions because she was walking against traffic. That happened to me just a few weeks ago. And it triggered me about that too.

    I was walking in an isolated area against traffic. A guy pulled up next to me and said, “Do you want to see my parrot?”

    I had slowed my walk to respond to him, but instantly recognize the red flag: mentioning pets or babies.

    I kept walking but he didn’t move forward. I saw him reach for something in the passenger seat. Then a truck stopped up ahead. He was in their lane. He saw them and drove off. So I guess, after reading her story and remembering the guy who drove in the oncoming lane, it made me think of what could have happened to me. I’m kinda a mess now about it. But I still went for my walk today.

    Her story should be made into a movie. Not enough people will read her book. Especially triggering ones like that one.

    So, People, Red flags: puppies, kitten and babies or birds. Also, driving against traffic to talk to you.

    I’m an old woman now, yet the pervs still try to target me. Imagine how much more danger a young child is in.

    The fact that your country, Darwinsmom, is doing better with the police force, is hopeful. Still, there is no substitute for recognizing spaths and leaving the cog/dis behind. *sigh*



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  7. Truthspeak says:

    Skylar, that’s terrifying, and you’d mentioned this incident, before. I mean, it’s terrifying.

    There are so many predators out there, and their M.O.’s are always identical.

    And, children are guileless – they generally have no reasons to mistrust anyone, even when their own parents are perpetrating horrific abuses upon them. Children are so horribly vulnerable, and I deliberately avoid watching or reading news accounts (except on this site, actually) because I simply can’t stomach the fact that people deliberately, intentionally, and with malice aforethought, destroy the lives of innocent souls.

    Brightest blessings



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