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Another violent abuser wipes out his family

On April 12, 2012, Katherina Allen had the audacity to tell her husband, Kevin, that their relationship was over. He came into a Craker Barrel restaurant where Katherina and their two daughters, Kerri and Kayla, were celebrating Kerri’s birthday. He pulled out a shotgun and killed Katherina and Kerri. Kevin Allen was then shot by police. Kayla, who was wounded, died a few days ago. Read:

Kayla Allen, Cracker Barrel shooting victim, has died, on HuffingtonPost.com.

Original report:

Ohio girl in critical condition after dad kills family, shoots er inside a Cracker Barrel restaurant, on FoxNews.com.

Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.



45 Comments on "Another violent abuser wipes out his family"

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  1. G1S says:

    I just went on Facebook.

    One of my friends had posted the link below asking that people “like” it.

    http://www.preventchildabuse.org/index.shtml

    It is a Prevent Child Abuse organization in the US.

    If you click on it, a map of the US comes up with each state showing. Click on a state, and its preventchildabuse.org chapter(s) and contact information display.

    MiLo, I wasn’t justifying the grandmother’s behavior. I was explaining it. Knowing what I do about domestic violence, that what’s happens. People minimize and trivialize what is going on. It’s a coping strategy, especially when people feel powerless.

    People outside the situation assume it is a simple thing to pick up the phone and call, but it’s not.

    Years and years ago, when my BPD niece was still in a highchair, my P sister went ballistic with rage against me. She tried to throw me out of her car in the middle of the night in the woods in the pouring rain. This was Easter Eve. Why? I had gently asked that she get some therapy. She didn’t want to hear it. She wanted her ex-husaband to be blamed for everything and she was the victim.

    My niece was in the backseat in her car seat. Her head was whipping back and forth watching us as we speak.

    I am a good 5″ taller than my sister so her “throwing me out” of anything was a joke. I refused to get out of the car. She drove to a shopping plaza and parked the car under one of the parking lot lights. She went into a rage again. Once again, I stood my ground. I would not leave as I felt I was protection for my niece.

    We went back to her place. She put my niece in her high chair. The way the apartment was laid out, there was a long hallway from where the high chair was (in the living room) to where I was in the kitchen.

    I will never forget the image of my sister in my niece’s face, pointing at me, and SCREAMING in a rage, “That’s your f-ing aunt. Your f-ing aunt is an a-hole. Your f-ing aunt is getting her things and leaving NOW!” The rage was horrifying. My niece was wide-eyed and pushing back in her high chair just to get away from my sister’s voice.

    I did get out of there and drove the two hours back to my place, which was in the next state over.

    The next day, I called the 1-800 child abuse number in her state THREE TIMES to report her, but nobody ever picked up. It was Easter Sunday.

    I was shaking when I was calling. Mind you, this was before I got into any sustained therapy for myself about my family or in Al-Anon.

    By the time Monday came, I was too emotionally exhausted to try again. I simply could not pick up the phone.

    I had been battered as well. Do I regret not calling? Absolutely, but the situation was too big for me to face on my own. The family would have rallied and supported the P because that’s what they did when she attacked me and my son.

    I was the bad news because I wanted to out the family’s dirty laundry.

    I am sure, too, that my family rationalized what happened because no blows were ever delivered. Nobody “really” got hurt.

    They would have also justified her anger, saying that I should have kept my mouth shut about the therapy. Yeah, it was too bad that she did that to my niece (no mention what was done to me,) and the P could probably use some help, but really, it was none of my business; no wonder the P got so angry.



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  2. G1S says:

    MiLo & Divorced from Gaslighter,

    I’m sure the programs vary state by state.

    My son went out with, for a few weeks, a girl who had been in our state’s foster child system. They were both juniors in high school. He got pushed into dating her by some of his well-meaning female friends.

    This girl had a lot of emotional issues. Part of what she told us at the time was that her adoptive parents adopted her and had another foster child because of the sizeable sums our state paid to the parents.

    One of her major beefs was that her parents didn’t care at all about her, they were only interested in the money that they got from the state.

    She also told me that she had $25,000 in an account that she got from the state for her college. She said that her adoptive parents get money from the state as well to keep her. I found that bogus since she was adopted, but she insisted. I didn’t know what to make of the situation.

    I had no way of knowing if what she said was true. This wouldn’t be anything that would be posted on the state’s website. I took everything with a grain of salt, especially because our state is so hard up financially.

    At the same time, it made some sense. Paying a family $25,000 to take a kid off its hands would save the state a lot of money in the long run if you look at the costs in years.

    We had Thanksgiving at these people’s house. You could cut the dysfunction with a knife.

    The mother sat there and went into how nobody should any ideas about getting on their hands on the family’s money if this girl became pregnant. If she got pregant, they would throw her out and she’d get nothing from them. She told me how wealthy her family is and about the property that they owned. Mind you, I never brought these subjects up. I would never ask about such things. My jaw had dropped as I sat there wondering, “Huh? Where did that one come from? We just came for dinner.”

    My son and this girl parted ways right afterwards. She started threatening to commit suicide if he didn’t continue to date her. We couldn’t get away fast enough.

    The girl is still around. She’s very intelligent, as are her adoptive parents, and is now in college.

    I ran into the father recently in a local store. He told me that they had another child. There are big, big issues with this family. I simply smiled and couldn’t get away fast enough.

    The money incentive seem plausible, but as to the figures and what was involved, I have no idea.

    This was all about foster parents. It was NOT about grandparents being foster parents. Somewhere in the back of my mind, it seems to me that grandparents cannot become foster parents in my state.

    I’ve never been closely involved with these matters so how accurate my information is, apart from what that girl told me personally and what I observed at the Thanksgiving dinner, I don’t know.



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  3. MiLo says:

    G1S ~

    I am sure that programs vary state from state. My point was no one is going to get rich or even supplement their income with what is paid. The amount of $475-500/month would not even keep a child in day care for 8 hrs a day for a month. Foster care is 24/7 with all expenses, except medical, paid for with that money.

    Yes, there is such a thing as subsidized adoption, usually only with “special needs” kids who are going to require ongoing medical, therapy, special schooling on a long term basis. It is an incentive for parents who could not otherwise afford the financial burden to adopt a “special needs” child.

    Even if you take your own grandchild as an actual foster child, you must have a home study done and take classes and meet all qualifications that the agency has. Yes, grandparents can be foster parents.

    Foster kids are kids removed from the parents and custody (emergency – temporary – permanent) is granted to the county department of children services. Now, a court can decide to place the child directly with relatives such as grandparents. They are not technically foster children.



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  4. Back_from_the_edge says:

    TODAY IS DAY 11 WITHOUT STALKING.

    YAY!!!!!



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  5. G1S says:

    You’re abosolutely correct, MiLo. Nobody ever got rich taking in these kids.

    And you bring up a point that I had forgotten – this girl that my son knew was a special needs kid because of all the abuse she had suffered in her life. You don’t find out about these things until several months later with a casually dropped, “Oh, by the way, Mom, did I tell you…”

    It’s all very sad in the end.

    Is the study of a grandparents’ home done because the state will provide financial assistance?



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  6. darwinsmom says:

    g1s,

    Yes a very beautiful little girl. It’s just too horrific to think what happened to her by a person she was so dependent on.

    Sky,

    My thoughts exactly: lying spath. One newspaper had a psychologist commenting. He guessed she surely must have some personality disorder, but then went on about her “going in survival mode” after the murder, “shutting down her emotions and going denial”. What about barely having emotions and believing she could plan and set it up in a way believing she could get away with it by lying?



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  7. kim frederick says:

    Hi Darsmom. Let me share a dream. I was in a house with x hub, I left 17 years ago. We were going to be moving, and there were people looking at the house, deciding if they wanted to rent it. He said to me, “well, I managed not to kill myself last year, but it might be all for naught.” I asked, “what are you atlking about?” And he pointed to a shelf above the kitchen sink where there was an oil lamp burning…but it was sputtering, and roaring up and dying down, and I was scared because it was supposed to have been put out for a long time. I was scared that it was dangerous, and went to reach for it, but he warned me that it might blow up…it was better to leave it alone. I did, but I felt really guilty and scared that the people who might rent the house might blow up after we left. What do you think?



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  8. Truthspeak says:

    Judge Judith Schiendlin wrote extensively about the foster care system in the State of New York where she practiced as a Prosecuting Attorney, as well as a Family Court Judge. Sure, foster payments will vary from State to State, but when one factors in the following, it can add up to a very hefty sum:
    * cash support payment
    * comprehensive medical coverage
    * educational incentives
    * “special needs” compensation (up to 1500, in some States)
    * no-cost daycare (Head Start, etc.)
    * comprehensive mental health coverage
    * supplemental food assistance

    Some people DO get quite well-off for taking in “special needs” foster children. In the State of New York, Judge Judy mentioned that adoptive parents of formerly-fostered children receive continued financial support until the adopted children have reached a certain age.

    In my own area, two women fostered 8 “special needs” children and received an outrageous sum of cash and benefits, and the children were subsequently removed after they were found to have been neglected.



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  9. darwinsmom says:

    Kim,

    I think the oil lamp still burning might point to some low burning feelings still be lingering for the ex… You mention it’s in the kitchen. Food often signifies needs, your emotional nourishment, and the kitchen is where those needs are prepared. So, the oil lamp has a double implication: either you still have the need to have a last ember burning for him; or the feeling is one of still feeling as if you need him… somewhere in the background.

    The new renters, in that pov, might indicate that you fear those lingering feelings for the spath might create conflict if you let someone new in your life.

    That is what I think your dream might mean, Kim

    I’ve done 2 significant things for myself, yesterday and today. I finally gave a reply to my big love’s confession of last month. Well I had replied to it before, but had been saying “Took me by surprise. Need time to digest this.” My reply basically meant that I am open to him making a decision to reunite with me physically and that I believe that whatever the future may be and wherever either of us are, we are good for each other (inspirational), some way or another. That there are sufficient grounds to try a union, but that neither of us can guarantee a happy ever after. That it’s not my ultimate decision to make, since I wouldn’t be the one moving to the other side of the planet; that it would require his resources and willpower, and I therefore cannot take responsibility for it. And also that while it’s his decision, it may not be the right time for him to make it, since he’s playing with several future ideas/plans and he’s still reintegrating his recent past with the present. I told him that I’ve always loved him (attraction, emotional, friend, romantic) and never have been out of love with him, but I had moved on several years ago: both accepting my feelings for him as well as us not being more than platonic.

    So basically I decided, “Yes, I’m willing to be a couple again if you decide to move to Belgium. But everything’s still in the air at present, probably for the best, and I’m totally fine with that too.”

    Important step for today: I had an appointment with the bank (that I made last week) to discuss the best way to proceed with paying the remainder of my debt (5000 €). It was a credit reserve (via the Visa) that was maxed out. I transferred that to a personal loan (which was ok’d) that I’ll be paying off in 30 months, with payments of little less than 200 € a month… costing me 785 € in intrests (much lower than it would cost me via the monthly payments of the reserve). And the signed letter to anull the credit reserve is already posted. Meanwhile I have a retirement savings plan going (tax reductable), a conservative effect saving account where I’ll be investing 30 € a month, a saving account to build my own emergency fund that I’ll be putting at least 100 €/month on, and by the end of August my 3 month depository on my rental appartment (1300 €) will get released to be put straight on my savings account for my emergency fund. So, in 2.5 years I’ll be out of ALL debt, while having saved up money too. The bank official gave me a supportive comment when I walked out the door: I should be proud of myself for having paid off what I had payed off, and that I was on my way to a healthy financial situation again, where I wouldn’t have just payed off all debt, but also would have built several savings: emergency, retirement and extra. And YES it feels good!

    As for the murderous mother: 3 psychiatrists were appointed today by the judge to evaluate her (curiously awaiting their findings), and she’s been put on suicide watch while being held in pre-trial prison. Furthermore, she had written a will where she referred to her daughter’s death (proof of premeditation) and what caused the idea that she contemplated or planned to kill herself, but her lawyer declared today that she “couldn’t kill herself after she had murdered her daughter” (of course not… she’s a spath). Police will start an investigation whether the father used violence against his daugher as the murderous mother claimed (I’m sure she’ll love that!).

    Personally I doubt very much that he was ever abusive. Santana Duran and the father were divorced for 3 years and were co-parenting Diana. Only last month had Santana filed for sole custody over Diana. Something tells me she wanted to hurt and control the father by doing that, just because she wanted to. There probably was a low chance of her getting sole custody from the get go, and so murdering her daughter was plan b. I also suspect she was jealous of the bond or love her daughter may have felt for her father. At 4 years old she would have been more able to express and talk about her father.

    In any case… I’m hardly inclined to believe one word from her.



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