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Why laws don’t work with sociopaths

The federal Violence Against Women Act is up for renewal. This law, originally passed in 1994, provides the following programs and services:

  • Community violence prevention programs
  • Protections for victims who are evicted from their homes because of events related to domestic violence or stalking
  • Funding for victim assistance services, like rape crisis centers and hotlines
  • Programs to meet the needs of immigrant women and women of different races or ethnicities
  • Programs and services for victims with disabilities
  • Legal aid for survivors of violence

The law has already been renewed twice, in 2000 and 2005, always without fanfare. This year, however, opponents object to expanding the coverage to gays and lesbians, and want to limit protection for domestic violence victims who are illegal immigrants.

Please pause and read the following article:

GOP’s Violence Against Women Act would open up undocumented victims to more abuse, on HuffingtonPost.com.

Two sides of the debate

So here, according to the article, are the two sides of the debate regarding immigrant women:

In some cases, husbands would use their control over their victims’ immigration status as a tool of abuse, refusing to sign the proper paperwork or threatening to revoke it.

And

House Republicans say that some women have taken advantage of the confidentiality by fraudulently claiming abuse to acquire residency status.

Which side is correct? Both of them.

Lovefraud has cases that illustrate both sides of the argument. I’ve heard from women from other countries whose abusive partners threatened to get them thrown out of the United States if they tried to leave the relationship. And I’ve heard from men who married foreign women, and as soon as the women obtained their green cards, turned around and accused them of domestic violence.

In both cases, we’re dealing with sociopaths. Dr. Liane Leedom says that half of the people who commit domestic violence are sociopaths, and the other half have sociopathic traits. And, as far as I’m concerned, everyone who commits love fraud is a sociopath. Who else could seduce an unsuspecting partner into marriage and then dump him or her with fake domestic violence charges?

Impotent legal system

The problem comes down to this: Rules are made for people who follow the rules. Sociopaths believe the rules do not apply to them. Therefore, when it comes to dealing with sociopaths, the rules are virtually useless.

Laws do not prevent sociopaths from doing what they want to do. The only usefulness of a law is being able to punish a sociopath afterwards, if the person actually gets caught and prosecuted. And this only works when there is enough evidence, and a savvy enough prosecutor, to keep the sociopaths from talking themselves out of trouble.

Here’s what we all need to understand: When it comes to dealing with sociopaths, everything is different. Whenever the structures of civil society impede their agendas, this subset of humans simply ignores them. They don’t want to be inconvenienced by laws, rules, ethical guidelines, social conventions, customs, manners or interpersonal consideration. They have no moral compass.

Renewing the VAWA

So, when it comes to renewing the law, what’s the answer? I’d vote for keeping the protections strong for victims. But perhaps some of the money should fund training for law enforcement, courts and domestic violence counselors about sociopaths, and how good they are at pretending to be victims when they aren’t.

If an immigrant woman can confidentially apply for a visa to escape true domestic violence, that’s good. But if a woman (or man) falsely claims domestic violence in order to stay in the country, I’m all for throwing her out.



34 Comments on "Why laws don’t work with sociopaths"

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  1. stillinshock says:

    My first divorce cost us $600. We did a civil dissolution and worked out arrangements with the property and the kids.

    My divorce from the spath cost over $20K to get rid of him. I was a stay at home mom. Our courts work for the litigant that can pay the most money.

    I have a family member in the court system (not mine, unfortunately). Politics DO come into play. There IS corruption. Some court systems are better than others. Depends on the location/area. But you cannot trust the court system to do what is right nor fair.

    Some people feel the need to believe our system is just and fair. That is a really nice fantasy, but it is not reality.



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  2. Truthspeak says:

    Stillinshock, yes – I agree that the reality of the legal system is far removed from what we’ve been taught to believe.

    With regard to divorce, “No Fault” should be abolished in every State. In my case, there certainly IS documented “fault,” and I should not be punished further by “equitable distribution.”

    The Law is not just and fair – it just isn’t. Rarely does a spath face true consequences for their actions. For instance, I could win a Civil actions against the exspath, without a doubt – not a single doubt. BUT, what would happen if I took him to court and won a judgement? He would simply declare bankruptcy and have that judgement disappear.

    Nope – “justice” is a nice idea, but I don’t believe that it exists.



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  3. Truthspeak says:

    In fact…..I would LOVE to read a post on this thread where a survivor of sociopathy DID see justice served. I really would! It might give me a glimmer of false hope! 😀



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  4. Back_from_the_edge says:

    Truthspeak: I know a spath who has received a sort of ‘justice’, if you want to call karma ‘justice’….

    I know of a spath who played several older women, online, and charmed them and wooed them and moved right in. Average time was approximately two weeks in all cases I am aware of.

    After he swooned them and pushed them into marriages (and there are several) he would desert them for the next one on the list, the whole time, playing them all against one another. One by one they would divorce him and they would give him something ‘to end it’. He has done this to women even in nursing homes, swooning them to leave everything to him, because they had nobody else and he was the only one ‘left’.

    I am talking about one of the ugliest spaths you could ever imagine. Always got his way; if he didn’t, he would beat it into you. There are those as well.

    The last time I saw it, over a year ago now, I let it know that I was ‘on to it’…but that is neither here nor there. Truthspeak, you said you would LOVE to read a post on this thread where a survivor of sociopathy DID see justice served and I am trying to get to that point. hehehe

    Within the last two years, this spaths ‘house of cards’ has fallen, just one right after another. I am not talking about a sociopath nor a plain old narcissist, I am talking about a full blown psychopath. More than just ‘textbook’; more like the kind you would see in the movies, including all the death threats, stalking, you name it, the only thing missing was the head spinning around and I think he does that when he is alone.

    One wife figured him out, and she threw him out, changed the locks and kept everything he had and did it legally by divorcing him after a severe beating. The beating was so bad they had considered it a felony. I mean, she got everything. Even his underwear and oh my goodness, proof galore: HIS COMPUTER. Imagine that. He left, one time, to go visit another one of his ‘herd’ and when he did, she changed all the locks and had him served with papers and a restraining order.

    THEN, after a fashion, he came to see ME. The ‘other woman’ didn’t want him…he was so forlorn! He came to play me and well, that didn’t work out too well for him either. After hiding his marriage from me, for four years, the trust issue certainly took a dive. So he lily padded on, further, to another woman, who probably has given him AIDS/HIV. A woman he can’t stand and hates and is probably torturing, at this very moment….he is playing her jealousy against her and finds her amusing. Once again, an ill woman, he met online, who has things that he wants. I know him too well … I have been threatened: “Go to the authorities, they won’t believe you. You are crazy. Your going to therapy and taking meds will prove that….”

    He has an income, however small, but lives off of other women he meets online and bounces around like the whore he is. He is a sex addict and always has been. It took me a while to figure him out, about ten years, actually; the past 3 have been real telling…as all the evidence and proof has come to light. He wanted sooo bad to go back ‘home’ to the RICH wife who dumped him…if he couldn’t be there, he wanted to be with me and I wouldn’t have him either unless he would commit himself to some type of therapy or treatment and even had it arranged for him. HE CHOSE NOT TO and lily padded some more.

    I don’t know what you think, but I think THAT is justice and that kind of justice doesn’t come from a court of any law. I don’t know where this kind of karma comes from but DO HAVE HOPE because it DOES HAPPEN.

    This spath, for all his deceptions, all of his lies and web spinning; all of his criminal use of others’ emotions and feelings and very lives…he is going to eventually come down with and die from AIDS. And, he is spreading it around out there but his own faults are going to be the very same thing that robs his life. KARMA IS ON ITS WAY. He has two strikes against his ‘three strike FEDERAL law’, one more and he will go to prison for AT LEAST 13 years, just on the things he has done to me. There are many more, who have their own causes of action.

    He is spinning himself out and he will awake some morning, dealing with the suffering of AIDS, alone, and have nothing and nobody. Even his family has alienated him because the ugliness is so deep.

    I have watched his entire life blow apart and those are HIS CHOICES; nobody is making his life this way but himself.
    We are the Captain of our own ships…

    I don’t know what you think but “I” think THAT IS JUSTICE.
    I didn’t make it happen, HE DID. THAT is ‘justice’ to me.

    HOPE is real and JUSTIFICATION comes where it is due; it may take a while for it to come back around, but it always does. I have seen it many times in my life.

    I had to write this and not pass up the chance to say that: “YES; HOPE IS ALIVE. HOPE IS NOT A FALSE THING; OH BUT TO HAVE THAT SEED FROM WHICH YOU CAN GROW A BOUNTIFUL GARDEN! I have witnessed ‘justice’ at work and it hasn’t been in a court of law, My Dear.

    I am finally out of the ugliness now. After ten years of this ‘roadshow’, I am finally able to find some peace in my life.
    It has been a struggle and almost decimated me psychologically and emotionally, as well as almost physically but I am starting to see that which goes down, sooner or later comes around.

    I didn’t make these things happen, HE did.
    I am not gloating in his misfortune, in fact, I pray for him, all the time…however un useful my prayers are to him. I am just at peace now knowing that things are what they are meant to be.

    Happy day to you all.

    Dupey



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  5. Truthspeak says:

    Thanks, Dupey – I do have a wobbling belief that karma does work, somehow. And, I told the exspath that he had created the ugliness through his own actions – anything that happens to him will be of his own doing and will have nothing to do with me exacting revenge.

    I think the need to “see” justice served is born of a need to feel validated – that, somehow, the experiences were deliberately perpetrated and that we were deliberately harmed and damaged as a result of another human being’s CHOICES.

    The results of a sociopathic entanglement isn’t “accidental.” The carnage was deliberate and malicious, and THAT is what I think I base this need for justice upon.

    Thanks for sharing, Dupey – brightest blessings to you! 🙂



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  6. Ox Drover says:

    You know, part of the problem in our “church of LoveFraud,” is that there are way too many people in the choir and way too few people who come in to hear our message BEFORE they need it.

    The best hope for getting the message out to the “young’uns” is to start educating them when they are pre-teens I think. Before the hormones kick in and they start to lust after someone who is “cute” regardless of what his personal moral compass is.

    So I think we need to as parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents, start to educate our kids as early as possible. PASS THE WORD!



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  7. Truthspeak says:

    OxD, I agree 100%. And, I also feel that the media is compelling youth to gravitate into sociopathy. If it’s not genetic, then it sure as heck is being promoted as a “WIN” to our young people.

    If you ask a person between 18 and 38 who the Kardashians are, you’ll get more information that you ever wanted. If you ask the same people who Marie Curie was, they’ll look at you like you’ve turned into an asparagus.

    Today’s “heroes” are found on reality shows, in sports arenas, and in tabloids. Contemporary parents need to turn off the televisions, get off their computers and smart-phones, sacrifice the third car and MacMansion, and get down to the JOB of parenting their own offspring.

    Okie dokie – rant over! 😀



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