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Sociopaths, sex and power

Many, many people who were romantically involved with sociopaths have told me that the sex was amazing. Earth-moving. The best they ever had. At least, that’s how it was in the beginning, while the sociopath was still reeling them in.

The targets thought this amazing sex was proof of the real connection between themselves and the sociopath, proof that the two of them were wildly, deeply in love.

The truth is that sociopaths are incapable of love. Oh, they’re capable of feeling attraction. And they’re capable of proclaiming love, very convincingly (especially when they’re looking for sex). But they are not capable of genuine concern for another person’s welfare, which is a key component of real love.

So what do sociopaths really want from romantic relationships? Power, control and sex. Often, power and control are more important than sex.

What’s more, some sociopaths find power and control to be sexually exciting.

I experienced this with my sociopathic ex-husband, although I didn’t realize it until long after our marriage was over. When we disagreed, I generally lost, because he was much better at arguing than I was. Of course, he was not interested in coming to a mutually agreeable solution. He just wanted to win, but I didn’t know that at the time.

After the fight, when I had capitulated, my husband wanted sex. At the time, I thought we were making up after arguing. Now, I realize that he had gotten a charge out of exerting power and control over me, and it was a turn-on.

A Lovefraud reader told me that the sociopath she was involved with became sexually excited when she was angry. He demanded sex, and engaging in it when the woman didn’t really want to probably enhanced his sense of power.

Sex with a sociopath isn’t about sharing intimacy or building a connection. It’s about their personal physical release. Or, it’s a means to an end. Sociopaths know that if they can hook their targets sexually, they have a better chance of getting what they want—money, a place to live, or perhaps simply entertainment.

In the end, sex, for a sociopath, is just about domination.



118 Comments on "Sociopaths, sex and power"

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  1. darwinsmom says:

    Uhuh, I understand, sisterhood. Hence why I mentioned what for me is the difference…

    Narcs try to make themselves look as a self-sacrificing hero. “I’m so nice and friendly and worry so much and do ths and that, and what do I get in return? I get shit and hate in return.” Narcs want your empathy for self-perception/validation reasons.

    Spaths tend to go more for another pity-play – “the world’s out to get me and doesn’t give me a chance to better my life. Will you help me change my life?” Spaths want all you have and they want and can get. They use your empathy, but they don’t really seem to care about it.



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