Editor’s note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud’s statement on Spiritual Recovery.
This is the third in a series of postings on spiritual healing that will attempt to Make Sense of these encounters with sociopaths and present the process that literally turns these painful experiences into Miracles of Healing.
-There is absolutely nothing that ever happened in the past that can prevent you from being happy, joyous and free today. If this is true…and it is…then, peace must be a choice.-
One of the most challenging things that I have ever done is seeking to make sense out of my experience with my father. It has also been the most rewarding.
I just didn’t believe that I could ever trust God if I was not able to make sense of these events, so I set out to find the answer. What I found not only surprised me, it literally turned my understanding of the world upside down. Thank God.
Hell, I found, is not something experienced on the outside. As much as I wanted to think that being the son of a serial killer and the experiences that I had with my dad were to blame for everything bad that happened to me, it is just not true.
Hell is created on the inside, by our own doing. It’s what we do with the experiences that determine where we live. It is a choice between heaven and hell…literally.
Real freedom from fear, and these experiences, comes through release from the past. This release occurs when we realize that the past has no power over us. Freedom from the past is all about specific steps. First we admit that we are powerless over whatever it is that has brought us misery. Next, we recognize that we were unable to relieve ourselves of this suffering, so some power greater than ourselves would be needed to get free. Consequently, we make a decision to turn to Our Creator for help. Then we commence to search out the things in ourselves which had brought us this discomfort.
Journal Therapy is the act of writing down thoughts and feelings to sort through problems and come to deeper understandings of oneself or the issues in one’s life. When we look deep within ourselves with an open mind and willing heart, we can see where nearly every trouble in our lives has originated from. It is not a blame game, but something called spiritual growth and the rewards are indescribable.
Once I began journaling, I noticed, for the first time, that there was a pattern to my behavior. One of the most interesting findings was that I had multiple encounters with sociopaths. My initial response was, “why me?”.
At first I felt like a victim, then I asked myself that haunting “why me” question again. This time I meant it, and because I was beginning to seek God’s help with the answer, I was no longer afraid to ask the question. In fact, I wanted to know the answer.
What I found was that I was attracted to them. As it turned out, they had many of the same characteristics as my father…charming, engaging and they seemed to tell me exactly what I needed to hear. It sounded crazy to me that I would fall for this again and again.
Then, I noticed the gift I was being given through this process. The gift of Awareness…now I knew that it was me that needed to change, not them. Unless I changed, I would continue to repeat the same behavior as so many of us do, over and over again.
I knew where this gift came from. I was asking God to help me understand all this, and now I was beginning to get answers. Trust was being established, but I still had a long way to go. At least, it seemed, He was there and beginning to answer my prayers.
My part was becoming willing to believe and the journaling was proof that I had taken the next step towards faith. It is important for me to point out that I did not do this alone. There were others helping me that had done this before me and found their freedom just the same way. I saw peace in them, and I wanted it. Experiencing Hell no longer appeared to be a blocker to peace, as it was now becoming the motivation for it. I was opening the door that would release me from my past.
This is a simple fact for me now.
Today I am surrounded by loving, caring people. I am no longer a victim and have no fear that I will ever become tangled up with a sociopath again. I attract different people into my life and just as I have no interest in sociopaths anymore, they have none in me. I am no longer an easy mark for them.
What we think, what we do, has an impact on what is manifested in our lives. Everything I do or even think has an effect on my world. What I see I have asked for. This in itself can be a scary proposition, but there is one who has all power, and he wants to help us overcome this fear.
This lesson taught me that peace IS a choice. It is up to me, but to get there, I needed to surrender the past, ask God for help and do the work.
This was still only the beginning, but it was a good start. The Miracle was that I was coming to know my teacher and His characteristics were nothing like that of the sociopath. He was offering peace, love and forgiveness.
I am grateful that I came to believe that there was another way to look at this, and trusted others to show me the way. Now, the greatest gift that I have, is being able to help show others the way out. Today, I offer a six week Course in Forgiving online that guides participants through the step by step process of letting go. This suffering has become a Miracle of Healing that I would not exchange for anything in this world.
If interested in The Course, information is available in my listing in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide, or you are invited to visit my website at victorythroughpeace.com. My contact information is listed there as well.