Editor’s note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud’s statement on Spiritual Recovery.
An Invitation for A Miracle.
This is the first in a series of 6 postings on spiritual healing that will attempt to Make Sense of these encounters with sociopaths and present the process that literally turns these painful experiences into Miracles of Healing.
Most of us on this site know all about the feelings of shame, guilt, pain and suffering that are associated with an experience with a sociopath. This is the common bond that brings us together and helps build trust in these new relationships being formed in the Lovefraud community.
The very idea that trust is already being restored on this site is a beginning that brings with it a little light and hope. The question then becomes, “what do we do with these experiences and how do we overcome them?” The answer is simple, but oh so very hard to do. It requires willingness and a desire to get well. If you have decided (and yes this is a decision) that you want to get well, then you may be ready to take certain steps towards healing.
This process literally changes pain to joy, and darkness to light.
The first and most important step is being willing to accept what cannot be changed. Makes sense in the written word, but not so much in the heart and mind, and these both need to be changed to get free of the past.
The word “surrender” is most typically associated with giving up to an enemy. Giving up is not generally perceived as an admirable quality, and that is part of the problem. Most of our problems begin with perception.
It is the perception of the events in our lives that causes us tremendous suffering, not the events themselves. Our failure to see these events in their proper perspective not only poisons the current moment, but attracts more of the same suffering to us in the future. Awareness of this truth and a simple shift in perspective is the gateway to freedom, but it has many blockers that blind us to the incredible peace that surrender offers.
Our culture today constantly bombards us with images of victims and victimizers, suggesting that we do not have a choice in whether good or bad things happen to us. When tragedy strikes, we are often portrayed as victims of circumstance that do not have the ability to help ourselves. This is a scary proposition.
In extremely difficult times, this idea that we are wondering aimlessly through some sort of mine field in our lives eventually results in resentment, anger, depression and a feeling of hopelessness. Most people experience this at some point in their lives. An experience with a sociopath can bring this upon us suddenly and unexpectedly. For me, seeing my father for what he was (a sociopath) for the first time was as if I fell through a trap door into the pit of hell. I felt as though I was lost in total darkness with nothing to hold on to. Suddenly, fear was the only thing that I recognized.
The good news is…there IS a way out.
We are powerless over the past. This is an absolute fact. We cannot change it. We cannot breathe yesterday’s air, but we can deprive ourselves of what we need today by trying to do the impossible, and that is, change the past. We somehow convince ourselves that by holding on to some mind held position, we will prevent the sociopath or situation from becoming real or happening again in the future. We are punishing ourselves, all the while believing that we are somehow affecting the perpetrator. It is as though we have become convinced that if we punish ourselves enough, the situation will change. This is not the answer, yet we often try to do this over and over again, only to find the same result…misery.
There is an answer and it is found in the unlikeliest of places…Surrender. This first step is absolutely necessary to begin the healing process. It is also extremely difficult for most people to do. It certainly was for me, but it did set me free.
I have no idea why many of us have to experience so much pain before we surrender and try another way, but my experience has shown that it is entirely up to us. We only need to be willing to see things in a different light.
After all, what exactly are we being asked to surrender other than pain, suffering and misery? If I am able to acknowledge that I am powerless over an individual, or past events, and recognize that there is a better way, then I am ready to take certain steps. Simply having the awareness that what I am holding on to is only harming me is a beginning.
This beginning leads to a world full of peace, love and freedom. Letting go is how we become free from the past. This is the process that turns our past nightmares into the light that heals the world. It is A Miracle and it is A Promise.
For those that are interested, next week I’ll write about this Promise and how to begin. In the mean time, you might want to ask yourself this simple question (prayerfully)…
“Can I change what has already happened, or, is surrender the answer? Am I ready to acknowledge that I am powerless over the past?”