Editor’s note: The following email was sent by a Lovefraud reader, “Pamela.” She was married to a sociopath and subject to domestic violence. She previously submitted a piece called All Alone.
Raped-unzel let her hair down and a batterer climbed up.
Mr. No-Longer-Charming had seduced her with lying words and false promises, and now she lay married to a man that called her a whore.
Oh—and said he loved her, too, usually soon after he called her a whore.
Raped-unzel said to Mr. No-Longer-Charming: “Don’t confuse me with comatose Sleeping Beauty over there, in that fairy tale. I can see through your lies, straight down to your true colors.”
So, she is in The Flip Side of the Fairy Tale—the side no one talks about, or warned her about.
Now, Mr. No-Longer-Charming acted like he owned her, but he didn’t think that meant taking care of her, much like a fish you never feed. Most of the time, he just acted like he didn’t wanted to be bothered with her because she “busted his balls.” And his perceived busted balls meant he’d “teach her a lesson;” they were cause for carefully calculated punishment. How dare Raped-unzel DEFY him?
So Raped-unzel tried at first to be invisible, to disappear into the wall, to be not-too-demanding, not-too-needy, not-too-THERE, until she realized, until she let herself come to the realization, that there is NO relationship when there is NO RELATING. She didn’t even feel like she could go to him with the happiness or challenges of her day.
She was alone in his marriage, in this false union based on his lies, his pressure, his threats, his coercion, his force.
So, she begins the slow, empowering process of dissolving it—all the while thinking: “I wish I had NOT let down my hair that day.”