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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Thoughts about All Alone

Editor’s note: The following email was sent by a Lovefraud reader, whom we’ll call “Pamela.” She was married to a sociopath and subject to domestic violence.

ALL ALONE

All Alone, I am lying on the floor, all “woe is me,” the man who promised to love me lied. I can’t find a friend and my own mother’s phone doesn’t work.

All Alone, I’m crying on this floor.

All Alone, I notice I am still here. I am sad, but still here, and I’ve protected my dog that he threatened. My dog is still here. And my body is healthy, even after it has been thrown and bruised, I can still GET UP.

All Alone, I feel my feet, I wiggle my toes.

All Alone, the tears stop falling, and I look at my feet, and I rise.

AND NOW, I am swelling with gratitude for the all alone I had because I learned that even if it seems like no one cares about me, I STILL care about me, and I will find others that will. I will find help. I will end this and the feelings of failure and worthlessness he tried to transfer to me. Those are NOT mine. But this body, these feet—these are mine. And so I say to them: start walking.

Thank you, Alone, because without You, I would not be able to hear my own voice.



66 Comments on "LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Thoughts about All Alone"

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  1. darwinsmom says:

    I’m so sorry panther to hear about the loss of your cat. But I think you should take sky’s advice on not contacting him about it. How long has your cat been missing?



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  2. Stargazer says:

    Oh Panther, I SO feel for you. I don’t know what I’d do. My cat really is my child. If it were me, I’d probably risk everything to get the cat back. But in your case, you’d be risking your life and your sanity. I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry.



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  3. Ox Drover says:

    Panther,

    I agree with sky, and I know it is a pain and a grief to lose a pet you care about, but your life is more important than anything else, really. Plus the problems you’d have trying to get a cat across a border with another country, to say nothing of the financial and emotional costs. (((hugs))) Just send good vibes to your kitty where ever he is and take care of YOU right now!



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