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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He will not let me go

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we’ll call “Gloria.” She’s from Australia, and “pokies” are slot machine parlors. She would like some advice.

I am a lady that had both hips replaced, my back fused in 2 places, and my neck also fused in 2 places. I met my love fraud when going through a court case, on my hip. My son has a mental illness.

Met him at the pokies. I thought I met a wonderful man, he helped me out with my son, totally looked after me through a hip op. Told me he would look after me even if I was in a wheel chair, and even be my carer. I met his family and his parents, got engaged, was on cloud 9. If I won my court case we would get married straight away. If not, we had a back up plan, he was going to sell his unit, he is still paying off. He moved in with me within 2 months.

We were happy until I lost my court case, then he went moody, wouldn’t talk, started to blame me for every thing. I asked him to leave; it was so hard as I still loved him. Then he said he was sorry that he was so fu## up that no one would want him, and I thought we were making up. Then I didn’t hear from him, went around to his place, and he went off his head. Told me, “Did you ever think I was going to ever sell my place and be with you?” I left crying.

Later I got a message from another woman from his mobile telling me to leave them alone, she was having a relationship with him and adores him.

I didn’t see him for 6 months. Crisco food you pay off for xmas came, I had three months of his food, far too much to store, so I sms him I would leave his part on his door step, 5 mins before he got home, so he didnt have to have anything to do with me. He sms back that I have saved his life, he was totally broke, due to his work going into liquidation. That I know was bull, it was because he spent too much money at the pokies, but gave him an extra $150 of food on top.

I felt sorry for him as he has an addicted personality, first drugs, then gambling, long story … but since then, he has been saying again he’s sorry, never say never, we might get back together again, that he is not in it for the long run with her … blah blah … Any how sucked me in for 6 months. I gave him an ultimatum, her or me, and if he was to come back, get help.

Seen him out guess were? Pokies. Tapped him on the shoulder, he said, “Am only paying a little bit of money.” Asked him has he been thinking, his reply, dad ill, maybe dying, haven’t had time to think, and me and **** his partner, well 2 weeks ago we have been having big arguments over you. That told me he rubbished me again, and is not having any intentions of coming back, so I said, “Well you know what you want!” He said, “No, I still don’t know what I want.”

I left, I didn’t even make it back home, and he sms to me, “I can come and see you if you like.”

He has got us both loving him so much, she knows about me, and I know totally about her, I am trying my hardest to not give into him any more, as he lies to us both. She’s there, for money and support, and sex; I am there for sex, and when he needs someone. We women are both suckers to him. She thinks I got him into money problems, and thinks am a real bitch, when I am not, I feel for the both of us, she must be hurting too. What do you think I should do?

I cannot sleep, I cry all the time, I have lost weight. Seen the doctor, now on depression tablets. Need help, see a counselor every month. With my next part of my life, all I have done for 1 year is cry. Out of that 1 year he has been with her, he has been also seeing me for 7 months of it and still wants to. He will not let me go.

 



120 Comments on "LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He will not let me go"

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  1. one/joy_step_at_a_time says:

    Panther – difference is YOU are not holding on, you see him. Now it’s about you and what you do to ignore him, keep yourself safe and ultimately move on. I sent a note to Donna asking her to give you my email if you want me to connect you with some people in germany.



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  2. panther says:

    Thank you one/joy. Yes, I would like to be in contact with you if possible about what I could do here. So far, the police and the German embassy was a dead end. I just reported him to a cyberstalking help website.

    He sent me a mail today claiming to have seen my cat in the streets looking skinny and really scared. He really knows exactly where my deepest weaknesses are. This is emotional terrorism at this point, if anything.

    I’ll email Donna and tell her that I’d like to be in contact with you as well.



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  3. blondblueeyes says:

    Thanks girls, I will buy the book.
    I had a thought last night which has helpen me so much,
    when we got engaged, I said yes for real love, I was in love, and that love is still in my heart, ok we split, but to say sorry after 2 months,then split again, then back for the third time, to say sorry, and promises, than treat me like a doormat again, well he could have never have loved me, used me from dayone for the money. else he wouldnt have never have done what he did do. I know your problery saying dur… but I honestly thought he was just mixed up, but he not, never has been, its took me along time, but the guy is a spath, he goes from one woman to another after money, now I just have to get over the betrail and hurt, of being blind



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