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Defending marriage

The State of New York just passed a law allowing same sex-couples to marry. Opponents of same-sex marriage complain that the practice undermines the institution of marriage. Therefore, Congress enacted the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) in 1996, which bared federal recognition of same-sex marriages and allowed states to do the same. DOMA also created a federal definition of “marriage” and “spouse”. Marriage is defined as a “legal union between one man and one woman as husband and wife,” and spouse is defined as “a person of the opposite sex who is a husband or a wife.”

To all those who really want to defend marriage, I say that nothing undermines the institution of marriage more than sociopaths who use the institution to defraud others. I spoke with someone yesterday who is trying to protect a friend from just such a situation. The sad truth is that it is not a crime to lie your way into a marriage then use the marriage to prey upon an innocent spouse.

In most states when couples apply for a marriage license they have to raise their right hands and swear the information provided is true. Sociopaths have no problem honestly swearing to false information. As Sandra Phipps of Fight Bigamy says “Getting away with multiple, fraudulent marriages in our country is a snap.”

With the help of Sandra Phipps, I surveyed victims of bigamy about their experiences and asked them to complete the PSCAN an instrument developed by Robert Hare to allow non-clinicians to share information about another person’s psychopathic personality traits. I presented the results of this survey at the May SSSP meeting. It is no surprise that all of the bigamists score in the very high level of concern for psychopathy range.

I would go as far as to say that Marriage fraud other than for immigration is likely the only crime committed only by sociopaths. Furthermore, family members especially parents and spouses are the primary targets of sociopaths.

If we really want to “defend marriage” we have to enact laws that make marriage fraud a crime. Why shouldn’t it be illegal to lie your way into this social contract? Why shouldn’t those who commit bigamy get more than a “slap on the wrist”? Authorities routinely say to bigamy and marriage fraud victims “You should have been more careful.” These statements are based on a “blame the victim” mentality that could be applied to many crimes.

The true defenders of marriage need signatures for their petition to develop a National Marriage Database. I encourage you to sign the petition but also say we need to go further and make marriage fraud a crime.

Click here now to Sign the petition

More on Bigamy

Related articles on Lovefraud:

Sign the petition for a marriage database (2006)

Bigamists, sociopaths, and the call for a marriage database



45 Comments on "Defending marriage"

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  1. hens says:

    by Robert Weiss..[ Many of us think that finding the right partner will complete a missing part of ourselves, finally making us feel whole. We also believe that this ideal lover will reveal the meaning of life to us. But each one of us has the potential to feel whole and fufilled from within ourselves to the extent that we can develop our competence in self love, self protection, self care, and self containment. In addition, each one of us searches for and eventually finds the meaning of life for ourselves, rather than looking at our partner to reveal it to us. Our lives are ours; our partner's life is his or hers. No one can give us the ultimate answers for our own lives.]

  2. Louise says:

    DUPED:

    I am doing well tonight.

    Marriage is a fairy tale alright…no doubt about that. I don’t believe in it anymore.

    The older I get the closer I am getting to feeling OK about not being married or not having children. By the time I die, I should be golden…haha!!! :-)

  3. skylar says:

    Hens,
    thanks for the quote. So right on. Time for us to fulfill our obligation to ourSELVES. WAY overdue.

  4. Constantine says:

    Hello again Duped!

    So your Spath was married also and you didn’t know about it? I must have missed that about your story. Anyhow, that’s what happened to me too: long distance relationship over many years, lots of phone calls, texts, weekend visits, etc. -and yet I honestly, honestly had no idea that she was married. (She was well aware of my strong feelings regarding infidelity, and thus created the most elaborate fantasy about how she was a “single” woman, and all the rest of it.) So on the bright side, I at least have no guilt about being the “other man”! But boy, that was one painful night when I discovered the whole thing was a charade!

    I think I’ll start calling her “IT” as well – very good word.

    Nevertheless, I’m sorry to hear that I’m not the only one who went through that – I wouldn’t wish such a thing on my worst enemy!

    I’m glad that you are getting back to the simple joys like going to the movies. That’s what I did tonight too – with one of the few truly good people left in the world! (And she’s pretty into the bargain! – not a bad deal, when you can find both! Not that I’ll ever get squishy and “soulmatey” again!)

    Actually, the irony is that I really wasn’t so “squishy” even before the whole debacle. Indeed, I only fell into the relationship reluctantly and with my usual reservations about human nature. So I still get annoyed thinking about how I got burned by something I really didn’t want in the first place! (But damn, I wish I’d known about the whole concept of “lovebombing” – it would have saved me so much grief!)

  5. Louise says:

    Constantine:

    So sorry to hear your story. It’s so sad what these people do to us. My X spath was married also, but “separated” and separated for a long time…a full year so I thought as he was having me believe that he wasn’t going back. I was so duped…taken. And it upsets me so much because I am not taken easily, but he was just so good that I didn’t see it.

    Your last paragraph really resonated with me. I also was not “squishy.” This guy was not even my type and normally if I would have seen him on the street, I wouldn’t have given him a second look. I feel the exact same way!!!! I got burned by something I wasn’t even looking for!!! That’s why I think this has been so very difficult to get over.

    Thanks as usual for your awesome insight!

  6. Louise says:

    Constantine:

    And by the way, I do not feel guilty at all for him being married. I just don’t…sorry. I feel that it really was out of my control because I was being manipulated by a master manipulator.

  7. Ox Drover says:

    hens says:

    by Robert Weiss..[ Many of us think that finding the right partner will complete a missing part of ourselves, finally making us feel whole. We also believe that this ideal lover will reveal the meaning of life to us. But each one of us has the potential to feel whole and fufilled from within ourselves to the extent that we can develop our competence in self love, self protection, self care, and self containment. In addition, each one of us searches for and eventually finds the meaning of life for ourselves, rather than looking at our partner to reveal it to us. Our lives are ours; our partner's life is his or hers. No one can give us the ultimate answers for our own lives.]

    HENRY, that is probably the MOST PROFOUND STATEMENT I have read in the last 5 years. Thank you for posting that, I am going to print it and have it tatt’d on my forearms so I can read it every day (no, not really, just in semi permanent ink! LOL)

    THANKS

  8. Ox Drover says:

    Here’s the thingn about LAWS AND GOVERNMENT,

    YOU CAN NOT LEGISLATE MORALITY AND GOOD BEHAVIOR.

    Bank robbery is a bad thing so we pass laws against it, that will stop it right? Nooooooo!

    Prostitution is a bad thing so we pass laws against it, that will stop it right? Noooooooo!

    Drugs, drinking while driving, cheating on your wife/husband, getting married to more than one person at a time…..No, laws won’t stop that either.

    Right now the lastest stats are that IN THE US WE HAVE 2.3 MILLION people actually IN prison or jail and about 7 million on probation or parole. Every one of these people has BROKEN more than one of these laws passed to STOP people from doing these “bad” things….and there is still more drug use going on every day, more banks being robbed, kids being beaten by their parents, women and men being abused by their significant others etc. than there were yesterday.

    The supreme court of the US just ordered California to let out about 400,000 in mates because their prisons are at 200% capacity right now.

    I read an article yesterday that I thought was funny but true, in the South we pay rural unemployed whites to guard rural unemployed blacks in prisons—WHAT AN INDUSTRY! Great way to “create jobs,” right?

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