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TARGETED TEENS AND 20s: It was all for ‘our’ business, ‘our’ future

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader in Belgium who posts as “Nicola0903.” English is not her first language.

Four years with a Sociopath. He was my best friend, my family, my soul mate, my lover, my business partner.

I was 29, a foreigner in Belgium, with already some life experiences. Because my ex-business partner and ex-boyfriend that time decided suddenly to leave our brand new company, I stood there … Alone … with new clean sheet with “BVBA with marketing activities” on it – my job and hobby. I started “to swim between the sharks” and with success till I met HIM.

“HE” was one of my first big clients. A charming, a good looking guy, around 40, an experienced businessman, in suit, black hair, dark skin and big smile on his face. An American in Belgium.

We were both foreigners in this country. We could talk ALWAYS, EVERYWHERE, 24/7 about EVERYTHING! Whaauw, I met a soul mate! Finally I met an ideal partner for my private and business life, I THOUGHT!

HE was divorced, he said. Two kids. He didn’t mention his girlfriend, HE Lived with! Later on, I noticed, there is a girl in his house. I didn’t care, I was too much busy with my company: my job, my hobby. I wanted to succeed. I worked 24/7 because I wanted to SUCCEED.

I guess, in meanwhile HE has “checked” already my character and personality and he started to play his “GAME” six months after we met by suggesting a few business plans to me, how to make a “fortune.”

BUT… I started to have feelings for him and HE kept saying that “HE was falling for me too.”

He said: finally a women he can TRUST, without a control and jealousy behavior. A normal women I can build a life with.

So why don’t you leave your girlfriend? Was my question for coming four years.

As he said, his ex-wife a was a “president of evils,” possessed bitch who doesn’t want to divorce him because “she is sick jealous” of his relationship with Kate—his girlfriend, he lived with! His ex has been making a huge troubles for him, wanted to break their relationship by many different ways. I said: POOR YOU! And I was sure, I was the ONE, he will choose.

Kate was in his eyes, as well, a controlling, manipulative, extremely jealous and alcoholic schoolteacher, he could not get “RID OF” because of “many reasons.” She would damage his LIFE and himself, she was physically attacking him, scratching his eyes and many ugly things he said about her. POOR HIM.

That’s why HE HAD TO STAY with her…He was afraid, poor guy!

I bought it. I believed everything HE SAID! POOR GUY! HOW COULD HE LIVED LIKE THAT, was another question for two coming years. Why onlytwo2? Because after 2 years I knew, I was fed up. I spoke to him every day to support him and gave him advice about what he could do to FEEL HAPPY AND FREE AGAIN.

In a meanwhile… I have been busy with my marketing for him and “HIS new IDEAS,” every day. The bills were coming, more and more, as only one company leader I had my RESPONSIBILITIES! But he DIDN’T PAY me! He had always a good reason or explanations about NOT PAYING. (kids, wife, spending a money for his lawyers,..) The best explanation was: “Nicola, I do it for you, just for you, for OUR FUTURE. I Don’t sleep, I don’t eat, I work for you my dear so we can FINALLY GET OUT of this country and travel.” You will have a lot of money but just “KEEP WORKING now.”

And I did.

After one year WE started to realize one of HIS PROJECTS (IDEA) equals NEW IDEAS NEED MONEY!

He was an American, didn’t have ANY rights in Belgium, no bank accounts, no legal papers…Which I thought is strange as he has been married with a Belgian women for long time, his kids went to school.

HE also could not become an “OFFICIAL partner” of my company because of … “Ex-wife, gfriends, people, past life, ex companies, promises and promises, ALWAYS HAD PERFECT EXPLANATONS!

Strange was, He was always A VICTIM. All other people and companies wanted to “DESTROY HIM!”

And I believe. God, he could speak so perfectly. POOR HIM!

He became a SILENT PARTNER of my company. “I am an experienced business guy, Nicola. I have so much work experiences, I could not work for ‘a boss.’ You don’t know how to run business, so LISTEN TO ME, because ONLY I WANT REALY HELP YOU.”

Bla bla bla

And I listened. I wanted success, I wanted to show to my parents that I am able to take care of myself and to take care of them for a change.

And I loved him too. I was not IN LOVE, I LOVED HIM with all his mistakes. Despite that he never came just to visit me in the evening, never called me or had a dinner together with his kids. Only few times when his girlfriend was gone for a vacation or “when I was keeping distance.” Otherwise he was always With HER. God that was painful. But …

I wanted to get to my goal, to be a successful and I tried to ignore that emotions. I believed in myself, and my business, but my intuition was saying something else: Wrong Partner.

HE NEEDED MONEY, DECENT CAR, A BANK ACCOUNT, INVESTMENTS, INVESTORS, BANKCARD, NEW PHONE, MONEY, DECENT OFFICE to MAKE “MY” BUSINESS WORKING !!! HE NEEDED EMPLOYEES, MARKETING STUFF, NEW PRODUCTS AND AGAIN MONEY … He said!

I trusted him as never no one in my life, I LOVED him with all his mistakes, I could marry him with all his mistakes…

HE Kept saying the same: “Nicola, DON’T GIVE UP ON ME YET! WE WILL MAKE IT, I promise!”

I gave him everything what I had. He even found a new house just next to his house and HE signed a contract. Only when all that finished, I have heard what HE SAID to Real Estate company. Lies. Lies about everything and everyone. After he was gone from my life I SAW THAT IMAGE, THAT PERFECT GAME.

But let’s go back to my story …

Two years later, KATE – the schoolteacher closed her SHOP (which HE BUILT for her at that time. SHE took everything out, all furniture because probably she couldn’t handle full-time job and shop as well. He was very disappointed because SHE and her parents did not allow HIM to be there!

She left him a FREE SPACE with very expensive rent. HE NEEDED A SOLUTION for it equals ME and MY COMPANY of course and I opened a COFFEE SHOP later on.

HE rented his space to my company, which is illegal. I have been paying a rent/monthly cash to him so he can pay to owner! Coffee shop existed two YEARS, I never saw a proper contract. HE said: “DO NOT WORRY NICOLA, EVERYTHING HAS BEEN TAKEN CARE OF.”

I put my heart there, I loved my shop. 24/7 work, hard work plus marketing activity and him, non Stop begging for MONEY, RENT, CAR, CARDS plus ALL bills and executors bills where coming towards me plus I had some loans at the my bank as well. I had to asked for investments money to “make a fortune for US.”

I gave him A LOOOOOOOOOOT! I became a GOLDEN BIRD IN CAGE and I LOST CONTROL over my life and business. I Worked worked, no social life, I though I was stupid, insane. AND HE WAS the PRESIDENT! Travelling around the world for “OUR BUSINESS.” I could not go with him because I had to pay rent of coffee shop and we went through some economic crises that time.

To make it short: HE could cry with real tears saying “I LOVE YOU,” or “HELP ME” or “WE CAN MAKE IT, TRUST ME.” He could LIE PERFECTLY. He never picked his phone, never reachable, for me or clients, meetings cancelled or replaced. It was always MAYBE, WE WILL SEE … 1000 of sms’s DAILY, Harassing email DAILY, changing of plans DAILY, and asking for money…For food, for clothes, for “Our” business, For “our office.”

He had no responsibilities in his life. He had 1000 IDEAS, HE COULD CREAT A GREAT BUSINESS PLAN OF THEM BUT … That’s it!

When I started to finally ignore, or I kept distance, or was angry, or If I tried to discuss…NO CHANCE.

I was a fool, ungrateful bitch, not respect him, his life, his love, I was playing FALSE GAME … I WAS EVIL … I AM VERY CALM PERSON BUT when he did that, I COULD SCHRATCH HIS EYES OUT.

I was mentally and physically at the END! I prayed for end of all that misery. It was too late to stop and go my own way. I was too deep “in the shit.”

HIS TARGET WAS: TO GET MY MONEY, AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. To suck my company dry, to destroy my name and company and OPEN HIS OWN.

HE succeeded!

When I refused to pay him a false invoice sent by executor, HE and HIS girlfriend TOUCHED WHAT WAS MOST PRECIOUS TO ME and I BEG HIM ALWAYS not to take it from me … My coffee shop.

He took everything! Changed the locks on the door (office-coffee shop) and I ended up literally on the street…with debts. I LOST very much money. ALL Was mine. He invested ZERO but of course When I said it to him- he almost killed me because I was the one playing the games.

My car was all I had.

Thanks to two people who helped me to survive and get back “on the horse” I am now continuing with my life. I live in a studio, but I have again many business opportunities and my private and social life is also much better. I am paying off but that fine.

After, when he was gone, I saw clearly that image he was “painting.” I understood all the connection lines between all people in his life.

HE was sure, I would disappear from the country immediately but … I am strong! AND I believed in myself. We are nine months later and I am starting to live my new life…happy new life. Sociopath Next Door! GREAT description of HIM.



87 Comments on "TARGETED TEENS AND 20s: It was all for ‘our’ business, ‘our’ future"

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  1. Stargazer says:

    I cannot help it, one step. I see in my mind’s eye very good things for you. It might take a small leap of faith and trust to allow them in when they come along. And they may come along in small increments. And I know I’ve been there and thought I would never get out. I wish I could show you a snapshot of what my life has been. There were times when I was calling suicide prevention hotlines on a weekly basis. I am so much better now. And you will be too.



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  2. Stargazer says:

    One step, next time we’re here together, remind me to post the story about the snake and the potted plants. You will crack up laughing.

    Good night, dear.



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  3. lesson learned says:

    Onesy!

    You know what’s right for you! I’m sorry that you’re dealing with a delapidated health system (sp). I suspect you’re in canada as well. Was considering a move there at one time, I could easily change my mind now!

    Anyway, do what you feel is best for you, no matter WHAT it takes Onesy 🙂

    You gotta do what ya gotta do! I believe in YOUR ability to know what’s best for you!

    Star…you’re amazing and your endeavors towards self improvement never cease to amaze me. I learn from you. I don’t have much to say to you except that I’m observing what you’re doing in an effort to heal yourself and learning from it.

    Sky. You’;re nothing less than amazing.

    I love you all so much. YOu all have something to offer in my own healing efforts as a result of your honesty and experiences.

    I’m so humbled by the company on this blog.

    Everyday.

    LL



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  4. Nikky says:

    Hello All. My name is Nicola and I would like to post a comment, after I post this story above. Thanks to all for comments, I hope you all doing fine. This is only place i can confide in.
    Well, it’s been almost 15 months I haven’t met my sociopathic friend/partner. There is a court case running+ police investigation right now, till October 2011 i guess.
    Apart from it, my life goes quite well, I would say. except one thing: I completely lost a trust into people, not only male’s but even my female friends. It’s getting worst and worst. Mostly I am asking myself: ‘What is her/his purpose for keeping in touch with me? What does She/He wants from me?’ After some time, I always find some ‘reason’ and it seems to be the right one. It depends who that person is, or someone I am working with or just a regular friend. I don’t know what to do….
    2nd problem is: I keep looking for him, when I need to get do downtown I look around If he will not pass or his car…..I know it’s wrong but I never had a chance to ask ‘Why’..



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  5. candy says:

    Welcome Nikky – Your story is familiar to us on LF ( sighs)

    Once we have been spathed we look for those traits in others. It’s like we have been sleep walking and suddenly we see others for who they REALLY are.

    ‘Looking for him’, that’s common too because you never had closure.

    It would make no difference to ask him ‘why?’ you would never get a straight answer, just more lies.

    NO CONTACT is the only way to heal. Stay and learn.



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  6. Ox Drover says:

    Dear Nikky, Welcome.

    Sorry you had such a horrible experience, and it does make one stop and look at other’s motives of why they are in our lives. Sometimes, our friends are not good Friends, and it is a good thing to put those people out of our lives as well as the betrayers.

    Keep only positive and good and HONEST people around yourself. Treat others well, but expect and demand that they treat you well also.

    NO contact is the way to go, and as Candy says, you would only get more LIES. The psychopath cannot tell the truth. The truth is, though, the “Why” is because they cannot love, they cannot bond, they cannot be compassionate. But they do not know that and they do n ot CARE.

    Again, welcome and God bless.



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