lf1

LOVEFRAUD TO THE NEXT LEVEL: Our first program for high school guidance counselors

On Wednesday, January 5, Dr. Liane Leedom and I took the first steps in Lovefraud’s efforts to teach high school students about sociopaths.  We made presentations to the guidance counselors and child study teams at two high schools in Southern New Jersey.

Our plan, and I’ve explained before, is to present the program in two parts. One, of course, is to the students. But before that, we want to talk about sociopathy to the guidance staff. Our reasoning is, if students hear our information and realize they may be involved with sociopaths, and turn to the faculty for advice, the faculty needs to know what they are talking about.

I presented a description of the sociopathic personality disorder, outlined the size of the problem, and offered warning signs of sociopathic behavior. Then Dr. Leedom explained her Inner Triangle construct, how sociopaths are deficient in the ability to love, and how this can lead to the disorder. She also addressed issues the counselors may see regarding sociopathic behavior in students and parents.

We spoke to about a dozen people at each school. Watching their faces, I could see the information registering with them. Many were taking notes. The feedback we received from the guidance supervisors was that the information was valuable.

And, two teachers approached us afterwards—they both realized that they had been involved with sociopaths, and were looking for advice on how to cope.


Posted in: Donna Andersen

18 Comments on "LOVEFRAUD TO THE NEXT LEVEL: Our first program for high school guidance counselors"

Trackback | Comments RSS Feed

  1. bulletproof says:

    Donna,

    congratulations on spending your time so efficiently spreading this information

    I think it is very wise to give an input to the whole School, as what is the point in just telling the children who may need assistance the next day. It is very empowering for staff to become aware of how they can assist and support children and perhaps give them concrete directions on where to get further help if they need it…

    I see it as an essential component of education, to arm a child with the knowledge and information, that can validate and affirm their reality in such a way they can be aware and self protect.

    I know somewhere in my head I knew that there were evil people out there, but was brainwashed into thinking meeting and falling in love somehow excluded evil…when in reality it may actually cradle evil. Imagine being able to prevent even one child from falling into the hands of evil which presents as love and all their dreams come true!



    Report this comment

  2. angelheart59 says:

    Donna,
    I am so excited to hear this! One of the reactions that I had after my experience with my s-path, was one of anger. At him, of course, but more so that no one had ever told me about these people. I remember thinking, “Why don’t they teach this in school? This is what we should know before going out into the world!” Very seldom have I used the Pythagorean Therom or diagrammed a sentence in the 30 years I have been out of school, but I wish I had learned about s-paths. It would have saved a lot of heartache. I wish you much success in this vital undertaking!



    Report this comment

  3. Distressed Grandmother says:

    I know that all the good work starts in the USA. Like FASD. I remember my fist seminar was with people who came from the USA and helped me understand my foster children who were FASD It reached and helped a lot of Canadians. So you two go hard, it will reach here two in a couple of years then more people will understand because right now I believe they think I am over exaggerating when I say they are s paths.and they are not capable of change. Everyone says give it time it will get better.It won’t last. She’ll come around but I know the only way she will come around is if she need me for some reason or another She will never come around to just say ” I Love You Mom”. Keep up the good work We all need to be educated and the schools are the best place to start.My grand Children need your help too Thank you!



    Report this comment

  4. Erdelyi says:

    Another badly serviced sector is the women’s prison population! Specifically the women who are in and out for street crimes assiciated with addiction. It appears to me that women involved with addiction and addictive behaviors are often entangled with manipulative men and also do a fair amount of manipulating themselves. Often they are rejected by their families as “unmanageable” which, sadly, they are. Addiction and sociopathy are a lethal combination (as is depression and sociopathy) and I believe the “treatment” available in the prison system is utterly impractical- useless and only short-term. Don’t want to spend those tax dollars on programs that might actually be effective beyond cleaning up a drug habit!



    Report this comment

  5. Annie says:

    Hi Donna,
    I believe this project/initiative may just turn out to be the most profoundly important ‘world-changing for the better’ thing that you could possibly do. Everything I’ve ever read says that this disorder really starts to show its colours in youth, and the young are the ones who are most easily led astray by disordered individuals &/or injured for life by them. The disorder individuals themselves aren’t helped if their behaviour is condoned and allowed to escalate. If this initiative is successful, youth will start to question their situations, AND they will have somewhere to go with those questions.

    Bravo, and thank you.

    To me, you look to be one of Viktor Frankl’s’ “saints”: those people who in the face of extreme adversity pull themselves up and become better, truer versions of themselves.

    Two things I’d like to ask you to consider including if possible (if you aren’t already):

    1) I know that you don’t discriminate on gender in your writings here, but there is a very large percentage of the population (including many posters here) who persist on treating this/speaking about it as a largely gendered issue, which leaves a very dangerous false impression, which means that female perpetrated psychopathy-type behaviour is still not seen or addressed. I hope, just to compensate and bring the discussion back closer to true centre, you’ll put a little extra emphasis on what the female-type behaviour looks like. As Oxy says, her egg-donour wouldn’t necessarily show up on a PCL-R rating, nor would my egg-donour, nor, I suspect, would Rosa’s SIL. If we want to cut this behaviour off before it harms people we must learn to recognize its early warning signs.

    2) Even now I find very little information describing the kind of child abuse I endured at the hands of my egg-donour – with the one notable exception of your post about Rosa’s SIL (which frankly freaked me out and put me in a traumatized state for some time – which I needed in order to move through it and start to heal). As odd as it may sound, when I was in high school, and for most of my adult life, I never would have conceived that I was abused – mainly because no-one ever talked about those kind of things. Tragically, for the most part, if your psychopathy-type perpetrated child abuse doesn’t leave obvious physical scars (e.g. like Munschausen’s by proxy, or other examples I could list but won’t here) it STILL isn’t talked about or recognized. I hope that you’ll spend some time talking about what female-perpetrated child abuse looks/feels like so that those youth in your audience who are being abused by their female caregivers (and thus being setup to be lifelong victims or lifelong perpetrators) will have SOME tools to use to begin to recognize it for what it is. Not being able to see/name it is far more harmful than the abuse itself.

    There are many examples of the above, but here are two which flew under everyone’s radar (although hard to fathom how) until it was too late:
    http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/i-hate-myself-for-the-decision-i-made-that-night/article1292273/

    http://www.thestar.com/news/article/918930–dimanno-ex-bernardo-groupie-accused-of-stalking-young-boys

    Again, thank you.



    Report this comment

  6. Annie,

    Thank you so much for your kind words. I do hope that the high school program makes a difference.

    I, too, would like to see more information about female abusers. Unfortunately, I have no information about that phenomenon – I did not experience it, so I cannot write about it with any knowledge.

    Therefore, if you or any other reader would like to share your experience, I can post it as a “Letter to Lovefraud,” with no identities, of course. This is an awful topic which needs more attention.



    Report this comment

  7. lesson learned says:

    Donna

    Just a thought. Something I’ve struggled with and continue too, unless I’ve missed anything here (I’ve not nearly read through all the articles here yet), I believe this particular issue needs to be addressed and that is: Can a psychopath/sociopath/narcisst, be “happy”. This seems to plague not only myself at times (something I’m working through now and feel grounded about for the moment), but other posters here as well. Might you consider an article, or any of your authors here about this particular subject? And if there is already an article that I’ve not seen about it, would you please provide a link, or anyone else here that might know of where such an article exists?

    Thank you.

    LL



    Report this comment

  8. newlife08 says:

    Donna,

    I am so profoundly out of my mind thrilled to read this news. I have said to my friends so often how angry and frustrated I was that it took me so long to find out what I was dealing with for so many years. I found that lifeline through your website , as you know. I’ve also expressed how I wished my experience would help at least one person along the way and someday I would love to find a way to help educate others about “unsafe people.” You are now launching that type of program and if there is anything we can do as the Lovefraud family – please let us know. For all the lives you will touch and change – God bless your venture and you.



    Report this comment

  9. jeannie812 says:

    My experience in high school. My boyfriend was treating me badly. I caught him cheating. He drove recklessly when I said it is over. He floored the pedal to the medal! It was so scary! He wouldn’t stop until I said I’ll stay with him. Then at school I told him it is over. He waited for me by my locker. He used my locker as his vantage point. He could chase me around and demand I give him an answer. Even though I already did. I told him it was over again. He wasn’t taking no for an answer. That is why he kept asking for an answer cause he wasn’t getting a “YES”. He used my locker as a way to bulldoze me back into the relationship. I wish the school would have counceled me and put a stop to him.

    I married this man. It was a life of abuse. And one abusive relationship leads to the next…

    I will be 50 tomorrow. Jan 14. Gee, what a celebration. A lifetime of abuse. If the young girls of today could picture themself stuck in abuse at age 50, well, they wouldn’t believe it. But, it is worth a shot to tell them it could happen.

    Sometimes we only understand what we can relate to. I knew a girl. She was with a beater. Her boyfriend was never around yet he was sure she was cheating on him. He constantly beat her breasts and yanked on her breasts. This girl wore no bra and her breasts sagged down like a old lady. This girl was only 15.



    Report this comment

Post a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.