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Archive for January, 2011

The Marriage Masks: Three types of sociopathic relationships

Here at Lovefraud, we’ve heard thousands of horror stories of marriages to sociopaths. Thinking about these unfortunate involvements, it seems to me that there are three types of romantic relationships with sociopaths. I call them the Marriage Masks, and they are:

1. Calculated exploitation

The sociopath targets an individual for the explicit purpose of exploiting him or her, using the unsuspecting partner for money, sex, a place to live or something else that the sociopath wants.

My ex-husband, James Montgomery, targeted me because I had what he wanted: money, good credit, my own home and business connections in the city where he decided he was going to make a fortune. He sweet talked me, married me and drained me, and then he moved on without a thought.

2. Passing entertainment

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Recovering from the con man

Editor’s note: Andrew J. Harper wasn’t who he said he was. He wasn’t a professional drag racer and he didn’t own properties in Europe. But at least 17 women in Australia, New Zealand and the United States believed him—and many lost money because they did.

Two of his victims, Diana Mors, who posts on Lovefraud as “AJH_Victim1,” and Rebecca Bell, worked together to find the truth, and the con man was finally arrested in October, 2010. The women told their story in the January 2011 issue of The Australian Woman’s Weekly, and then in the North West Star. Read:

‘How I caught a con man’ on NorthWestStar.com.au

With the publicity, the women have been contacted by many victims of con men. Diana, feeling compelled to help them, wrote the following article.

How to transition from victim to survivor…

Sandwich guy pretends to be a marshal

A 28-year-old sandwich maker was busted after allegedly posing as a U.S. marshal to meet women on Craigslist and stealing checks and credit cards from them. He was found with a law-enforcement starter kit and had installed lights and sirens in his Ford Explorer.

Read Feds: Fake cop scammed dates on BostonHerald.com.

Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.

Lack of remorse more significant of sociopathy than lack of empathy?

Sometimes I like to revisit, churn all over again, a prior concern around sociopathy. A number of colleagues were recently stressing the defective quality of empathy in the more sociopathic clients they work with, while I found myself stressing the quality of remorselessness in the more sociopathic clients with whom I work (and have worked).

In my view, remorselessness is a much more serious indicator of sociopathy than lack of empathy per se. I know I’ve stated this in previous pieces, but well…here I go all over again.

Many people lack empathy for a great many reasons, depending on how one even defines empathy. But clearly this is true—many of us have a relatively difficult time emotionally stepping into another’s shoes and genuinely, emotionally inhabiting (as it were) his or her experience; that is, feeling their experience with them, for them.

Donna Andersen on the Dave Otto radio show tomorrow

Dave Otto is a radio personality with a morning show that is syndicated in 150 U.S. markets. I’ll be on the show tomorrow morning for a short interview. The segment will air between 8 and 10 a.m. EST—precise time to be determined. If you get the Dave Otto show, listen in!

Posted in: Donna Andersen

The tangents and the point

Editor’s note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud’s statement on Spiritual Recovery.

Love Fraud: How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, is a long, expansive story, and there’s a reason for its complexity. The reason is in the book’s subtitle.

Love Fraud tells the story of my marriage to a sociopathic con artist. It’s a juicy, outrageous tale, full jaw-dropping lies and manipulation. The book focuses a harsh light on the despicable behavior of my ex-husband, James Montgomery. My goal is to give people an up close and personal look at what it’s really like to be targeted by a sociopath. But that isn’t my only goal.

I believe the importance of my book is not explaining what happened to me, but why it happened. What is the reason for this experience? I discovered, much to my surprise, that I had a huge karmic issue to work out with James Montgomery, and I came into this life to do it.

Rape, jail, wrongful conviction and more rape

In an unbelievable story from the UK, Alan Doheny was convicted of rape in 1996. He convinced the court that he was wrongly convicted, winning his release from jail a settlement of £225,000. Then he committed two more rapes.

Read Convicted rapist who was cleared and awarded £225,000 compensation back behind bars after another sex attack on DailyMail.co.uk.

Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.

Posted in: Laws and courts

Locking up bad fathers is good for kids

A new study by Economist David Neumark at the University of California – Irvine found that married, two-person households are not always best for children. The study found that the increased incarceration of minority men contributed to fewer minority high school dropouts.

Read Kids are all right with just mom, on the University of California – Irvine website.

Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.

Posted in: Scientific research

Lovefraud Blog hacked

The Lovefraud Blog was down for a few hours today. The problem turned out to be that we were hacked. Another blog that has nothing to do with Lovefraud was hacked as well, so I don’t think we were specifically targeted. But our webmaster may be recommending security enhancements.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

Posted in: Donna Andersen

When to trust your man (or woman)

The question was, “When can you trust your man?”

A reporter who was writing an article on the topic for a major women’s magazine asked the question. It showed up in my e-mail because I subscribe to a service that distributes questions from reporters to experts all around the world who may be able to answer them.

I knew what the reporter was looking for. She wanted succinct little tips like:

  • “You can trust your man if he always shows up when he says he will, or at least calls to tell you he’ll be late.”
  • “You can trust your man if he introduces you to his mother.”
  • “You can trust your man if he shows you his income tax return.”

But, after being married to a sociopath, and hearing the stories of so many Lovefraud readers, I knew that these external signs may not be accurate.