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Background checks for online daters

When looking for love, 20 million Americans look on Internet dating sites. Now, companies offer quick and easy background checks, although some experts worry about their effectiveness.

Read New online-date detectives can unmask Mr. or Ms. Wrong, on NYTimes.com.



132 Comments on "Background checks for online daters"

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  1. I_survived_The_Bastard says:

    Truthspeak, the weird thing was that he had several friends who knew each other, myself, his ex girlfriend & another female friend. Each person seem to know a different story, but we didn’t compare notes until after. Both the others knew his mother was alive, but I had been told she’d died. However, despite being with him for 10 years & knowing them throughout, the conversation never really came up, so I didn’t find out until after. Very weird



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  2. Truthspeak says:

    I_survived, I jumped onto this article for another reason and saw your response. ACK!!! Enablers, all of them. The “conversation never really came up” because “mum” was the word in the spath’s social circle.

    With regard to the article, I just read an email from a dear friend of mine and I’m very concerned, so I sent him the LoveFraud website address so he can arm himself with some valuable information before he gets involved in a possible “situation.”

    My friend is a warm, loving, and giving fellow that has been lonely for a long, long time. He’s gay in a very rural (and, conservative) region and has had a difficult time meeting potential partners. About a year ago, he purchased his first computer (yep, first one, ever) and got involved with online dating sites.

    In this recent email, he mentioned that he finally “found someone” that fits his bill of what would make a suitable partner, and I’m very suspicious. The person lives several States away and seems to be involved in everything that interests my friend – I don’t know how long he’s been “talking” to him, but they apparently exchange conversation a couple of times a day. He was suposed to go meet this person and the person canceled due to a “sudden death in the family,” and blah…blah…blah. When I read the words, my hackles went up and I felt a horrid chill run down my spine.

    My friend is a dear, kind, and gentle soul and doesn’t have very much “experience” with online predators via dating sites. I hope to GODALMIGHTY that he visits LoveFraud and reads a bit before he gets REALLY involved and runs a check on this potential partner.

    Quite frankly, I am completely okay with background checks – criminal, civil, and credit checks. If there ever came a point where I was considering dating, again, I would most certainly pay for the reports. The $40 spent on all reports could potentially prevent hundreds of thousands lost in a fraud.

    Brightest blessings



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  3. Ox Drover says:

    Truthspeak, even a professional back ground check may NOT turn up psychopathy—look at John Edwards and JErry Sandusky, these peole were vetted by the darned media hounds and still didn’t turn up the TRUTH until it was too late.

    The BEST way to get to know someone is in their NATURAL ENVIRONMENT…where they work, their friends, their family, and even then you may get burned. I thought I had “known” my x BF for about 10 years but I only saw this superficial mask that he wore not what was really beneath it.

    Tell your friend if he will listen, IF HE WILL LISTEN….that he needs to find another way to meet people, and yes, I agree with you the “sudden death in the family” is a BIG TELL. Buy him a copy of Donna’s book and give it to him. Hope hhe will read it.



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  4. Truthspeak says:

    OxD, you’ve made a very good point about seeing a person in their “natural” environment.

    I was thinking that a thorough background check might raise some valid concerns: past lawsuits or many suit actions that THEY filed; numerous outstanding loans, etc….Sometimes, spaths aren’t arrested for what they do as in the case of the exspath. But, his credit history would (today, finally) cause me to think that this person makes a HUGE income and there’s no reason that he should have this many loans out.

    Yeah….sudden death in the family being a big tell AND that this potential partner seems to be everything that my friend has ever dreamed of in a partner. Farm, self-sufficiency, crafty, nature-loving, etc….just TOO good to be true.

    Brightest blessings



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  5. Ox Drover says:

    Truthy, without a signed consent it is illegal to do a financial check on someone, and many of the things you would want to know are not in even a legal financial check….because of “loans” from friends may not be registered at the court house, and things of that nature.

    Even the BEST back ground checks unless they are done by the FBI are not going to be complete enough for you to know about this person….seeing someone in their “natural” environment with their friends….does that person even have any long term friends? People who would KNOW their history, and then SEEING the person in various situations and how they behave. It takes TIME and PROXIMITY, which is why you need to date people that live fairly close to you so that you can spend TIME with them in a relaxed atmosphere and around their friends etc. SEE what kind of person they are.

    The old saying “Marry in haste, repent at leisure” is so true. We must get to know a person before we commit! Or even get involved.



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  6. Truthspeak says:

    OxD, you are SO spot-on. Everything that you mentioned is 100% spot-on. From watching family dynamics to meeting “friends,” it’s my responsibility to learn about people that I’m contemplating as friends or partners.

    Marry in haste….LMAO! Oh, it is so, so true. 😀

    Brightest blessings



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