Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader who we’ll call “Veronica.” If you have any suggestions for this worried grandmother, please post them.
I’m desperate and very afraid. I hope you can help and help quickly.
My daughter was married to a man, who by all accounts, appeared to be the most wonderful guy in the world. It wasn’t until after she left him that she finally confided in me as to the truth of their relationship and I was horrified. I know he is definitely a sociopath.
For 5 years he made her life a living hell. The only reason she stayed with him she said was because it was the only way to protect her daughter. She left him over a year ago, and filed for divorce in May of this year. She was also given an order of protection (which he has violated numerous times), as he threatened my daughter and told her he was going to take my grandchild out of the country. We even showed the judge a video this man had made using his cell phone of himself badgering and pushing my granddaughter when she was only 18 months old. He cried when he saw the video. He told the judge my daughter made him do that. He said that’s the method they were using to potty train her. I sat there stunned when he said that, but I thought the judge would see through such an obvious lie! They lived with me during that time, and none of that happened. My daughter asked the judge to let me testify and he said no.
In the end, the judge saw in him a loving father and would not give her sole custody without any contact with the father. This has proven to be a grievous mistake on the judge’s part.
Injuries and threats
Twice we have had to call the police because my 4-year-old granddaughter came home injured. The first time he kicked her. They took pictures, they talked to him and of course he said he had no idea how it happened. Then he started sneaking into my daughter’s yard at night. Parking two doors down at the abandoned house. Each time we tried to get a picture, all we got was his back or a blur as he ran away. The police said that proves nothing. I’ve seen him several drive real slow in front of my daughter’s house with the dome light on, giving us the finger or a sinister smile. He’s gone by the time the police get there. He drives different cars, a black 4 door sedan, a tan Camry, a red Aveo and a dark small truck.
On the 3rd of October he had visitation. When my daughter when to pick up my grandchild, my grandchild ran away and said she didn’t want to go with my daughter. “Daddy” picked her up and put her in my daughter’s car. When they were on the way home, my daughter asked my granddaughter why she acted that way and was told “daddy said if I didn’t do that he wouldn’t play with me anymore, but if I did, he would play with me every day.” My daughter called me and told me about the incident. Unfortunately, I got mad and called him. I asked him to stop using her as a pawn. Naturally he denied it. “I would never do that.” He kept yelling so I hung up. He called back and started yelling again. I said “Look, I just called to ask you to stop playing these games with her.” He said “You think this is a game?! I will show you the kinds of games I can play and you won’t survive.” He yelled, “Leave me alone” and hung up.
A few minutes later he sent me a text message. “You guys need to tell her if she continues to say things that aren’t true she’s gonna get in trouble. And apparently you need to think REALLY hard before you open your mouth about anything.” I know from past experience that was a threat to me and my grandchild. As it was a Sunday, I went early the next morning to court to get a protection order for myself. It was granted. However, it took almost 3 weeks to serve it as he kept avoiding the Constable.
On the 16th of October he again had visitation. When my daughter picked up my granddaughter in the evening and got her home, it was about bed time. As my daughter was helping her get her pajamas on, she saw blood and a sore in the middle of her back slightly larger than the diameter of a pencil. She asked how it happened.
“Daddy poked me.”
“Why did daddy poke you?”
“I don’t know, he said it was fair, but it wasn’t.”
“Why did daddy say it was fair?”
“I think he thought I poked him, but I didn’t. I kissed him on the cheek.”
“What were you doing when daddy poked you?”
“I was rolling the ball to (her half-sister).”
“Show me how daddy poked you”
She got up and took her index finger and poked my daughter as hard as she could in the back and moved her finger in a manner like you’d use to crush out a cigarette.
I was in the room and looked at the injury. Something didn’t look right so I went and got a magnifying glass. I said, this doesn’t look like a “poke” this looks like a burn. Because the local police had told us before not to call them, but to contact the police in the city where the incident occurred, we bundled her up and drove to my house and called the police from there. They came out and talked to all three of us. My granddaughter again showed the policeman how the injury occurred and they took pictures.
Two weeks later the detectives finally called him in for questioning. But naturally, he was shocked, he cried, he demanded to know who did it. He even brought in his other two daughters who said they had no idea she had been hurt. Even though my granddaughter had told the officers her older sister had kissed the owie to try to make her feel better. Obviously, he’s threatening her half sisters, too. The detective knew it was a cigarette burn, but here is what appears to be a loving father, so they let him go.
“Make us disappear”
Saturday, October 30th he saw my grandchild again. When she came home she told my mom and my daughter, “Daddy said if I tell the truth, he will kill us all and make us disappear.” We have no idea what to do. The police are starting to think we’re the crazy ones, so we didn’t call to report it.
Last night I got an urgent call from my daughter at 11:30 pm. She said he had been there messing with the outside electrical main box. She said first the back yard light went off, then came on, then various house lights went off and back on. She ran to the back of the house to look through the window at the junction box, but all she saw was him running away.
I went over and we looked at the box. It was obvious it had been opened. We got a padlock and locked it up, then spent most of the night awake with fear. The dogs went wild with barking at 2:30 in the morning. We couldn’t see anything outside, though. We have no idea what he has in mind, but we do believe he is planning to make good on his threat to make us disappear.
My daughter says she regrets divorcing him because now she can’t ensure my granddaughter’s safety. She said she would gladly put up with the abuse if it meant she could be sure her daughter was safe. I told her there would have come a time when not even living with the man would guarantee the safety of my grandchild. No one is safe from a sociopath, and I know it’s the hardest illness in the world to prove.
We don’t have money for security cameras or even a video camera. My mom who lives with my daughter is on Social Security, my daughter has been looking for work for a year and all she’s been able to do is sell cosmetics, and I don’t make enough to provide much support to them. We’re living in fear every day. After last night I don’t feel safe going home, as I live alone. There doesn’t seem to be any way to stop him and nobody is listening to us. Please, if you can help us. Tell us what to do now. We are all out of ideas and he’s got visitation again on November 12th. I fear most for my granddaughter’s life.