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Archive for September, 2010

Bobbi Ann Finley seduces and swindles 14 husbands

She specialized in seducing soldiers through a mixture of hard-luck stories and assurance that she was about to receive a windfall inheritance. It was a scam, but she managed to marry at least 14 men, including multiple servicemen, and had at least nine children with almost as many fathers.

Last week, the ABC News show 20/20 profiled Bobbi Ann Finley, the “Bigamist Bride. Read the story and watch the show on ABCNews.com.

Men allegedly scammed by so-called military mistress speak out

Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.

Attempting to treat evil in the UK

Britain’s most dangerous criminals are sent to Broadmoor Hospital, which has the walls and gates of a high-security prison. There, Dr. Gwen Ashead, a consultant forensic psychotherapist, tries to treat them.

Read Is there a cure for Britain’s most dangerous criminals? on Independent.co.uk.

Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.

Posted in: Laws and courts

Finding our ADAMANT— unearthing our most valuable gem

By ErinBrock

One thing we see over and over from the fallout of a sociopathic relationship is destroyed self-esteem and a lack of confidence. Lacking self-esteem and confidence leads to overlooking behaviors and having a hard time making firm decisions for ourselves.

Destroyed self-esteem makes it difficult some days to even get out of bed, let alone get out of the house and participate in life. It’s hard to plan for meals, school lunches, kid activities, legal angles, financial support and moving forward. We want to hide under the covers and make it all go away.

Okay yes, and justifiably so. BUT … if we want to get “somewhere,” we must first find our adamant.

Adamant describes a beautiful diamond—very hard, crystalline carbon, impenetrable, impregnable, unshakeable and unyielding. It is a valuable gem.

We must learn to find the gem we all possess …… our valuable adamant.

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Should I warn the next victim?

Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader who posts as “forever_me:”

Hello. I am looking for some guidance. I was in a romantic relationship with a P for over 2 years, but just broke it off earlier this week. I discovered that he was using an online dating site and was able to access it because I knew the patterns of his passwords. I created a bogus profile on the same website and contacted one of the women he was messaging. She was shocked to hear from me because my P told her he was single and not dating anyone. What was worse was that they had engaged in unprotected sex a few days before my P and I had unprotected sex. We agreed to meet each other to discuss the details of our relationships with this man. She had been dating him for just over a month.

Intuition, purpose and sociopaths

In my previous two articles on this blog, I wrote that our awful entanglements with sociopaths often have a larger purpose—our personal spiritual growth.

This is an extremely difficult concept, especially when we believe in a benevolent God, universe, or higher power—whatever term you want to use—who only wants the best for us. Why, if God loves us, would he/she want us to experience the deceit, betrayal and destruction of a sociopath?

In my case, the terrible experience allowed me to unearth internal pain and disappointment that was blocking me from feeling love and peace. My sociopathic ex sensed the negative feelings within me, and promised to be the answer to my prayers and the fulfillment of my dreams. It was all, of course, a mirage, and he exploited me. But in the end, as much it grates on me to admit it, I benefited from the experience.

Posted in: Lovefraud books

Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry? airs again

If you haven’t seen it, the episode of Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry? starring Donna Andersen is airing again on the Investigation Discovery network. You can see it today, Sunday, September 26, at 12:30 p.m. Eastern time.

See s clip of the show on the Love Fraud Book Blog video page.

You might want to catch the other episodes as well. Just about every one of them profiles a sociopath.

Posted in: Donna Andersen

Executive sociopath is fired

Lovefraud has been following the story of Carl R. Greene, executive director of the Philadelphia Housing Authority (PHA). At least six women have accused him of sexual harassment. Well, the PHA board of directors has fired him.

From the Philadelphia Inquirer:

Former Mayor John F. Street, the PHA chairman, described Greene as a “flawed genius” moments before the board voted, 4-1, to terminate his $306,000-a-year contract. An internal investigation had concluded that Greene was a “true serial sexual harasser” and had engaged in a cover-up with at least four key aides.

“He is like a great athlete with a drug problem. He is the Tiger Woods of public housing,” Street said of Greene, whom he had staunchly supported before news of three secret sexual-harassment settlements worth $648,000 broke in August. A fourth settlement, for $250,000, had also been agreed upon without the board’s knowledge, but not signed.

What price justice?

In this era of tight budgets at all level of government, the state of Missouri now provides judges with information about what the sentences they are considering in particular cases will cost.

Read Missouri tells judges cost of sentences on NYTimes.com.

Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.

Posted in: Laws and courts

When history is a predictor of future behavior

When is history predictive of future behavior? Who can change? Who will change? Can sociopaths change? What is meaningful versus unmeaningful change?

I would argue that history is most predictive of future behavior when the mindset of the individual—especially the motivational mindset of the individual—remains static. By this I mean that short of a radicalized mindset, one can assume that the individual’s historical behaviors and attitudes will not change, at least not meaningfully.

So motivation goes directly to the question who is likely, or unlikely, to make changes in historical behavior patterns. One must ask, what is the individual’s motivation to change previous behavior? 

This isn’t always easy to answer for several reasons—one, we can disguise our motives;  also, we can want to believe that someone’s stated motive is their true motive, when it isn’t (sometimes against our better judgement). Plus, as change-intenders, we can also deceive ourselves about our own motives, further complicating the task of ascertaining the true motive(s) behind an intended change.

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Will I be able to prove it?

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from the reader who posts as “Hehadme39.”

Okay, I became involved with my psychopath in Dec. 2008. I ended our relationship in July 2010. During the course of this relationship he took advantage of me in several ways. The first time he took advantage of me I came to find out he was committing a mass amount of fraud. Not only with me and my financial information but with several others’ financial information.

I kicked him out took the evidence I had to the police. The Secret Service and the FBI got involved as well as the Department of Education. There was a mountain of evidence I delivered to them but in the end, I was told by a TX secret service agent that because he and I were in a romantic relationship the evidence I delivered to them would NOT be admissible in court. They told me they were sorry they couldn’t help me, but they had turned the evidence over to the Department of Education because they had GOOD evidence that he was committing student loan fraud. I got one visit from the DOE and nothing ever came of it all.