lf1

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Staying safe on Facebook

Editor’s Note: Lovefraud received the following article from the reader in Australia who posts as “Dani S.”

I recently had the unfortunate experience of coming across another personality disorder, this time on Facebook. I love Facebook, as growing up in a small country town and moving to the city, Facebook has been a great place for me to reconnect with old school friends and to chat with them online.

I have always been very careful never to add friend request unless I know the person personally, so I thought that I was safe! Wrong!

I joined a group called “Dead Beat Dads.” The group had over 300 members, ranging from mothers, stepfathers and children of fathers that have experienced or are experiencing the frustration of fathers abandoning their financial and emotional responsibility to their children.

Antagonist

I initially enjoyed the connection and the chats between members, but it was not long before a guy came into the group who antagonised the members. If a member posted something, he would pounce back. “Well you shouldn’t have deliberately got yourself pregnant. It is your fault and to then ask for him to pay is disgusting.” Frequently he told members they were liars.

He put up post after post, sometimes 20 a day. He loved posting statistics of suicide rates of children who live without a father and made the comment frequently that “False claims of abuse is abuse,”

He completely dominated any comment made by any members, and members found his tone and comments very offensive. He claimed that he had no children and lived with his wife of 10 years who had kids to another man. He said he was happy his wife never asked for money from her ex, and said that the ex saw the kids all the time.

Aliases

I watch his posts for a while and noticed that his story varied, if not changed completely. He said to members that we needed to show him DNA proof before we could call anyone a Dead Beat!

He seemed to spend 24 hours a day watching and posting on this group, and it didn’t take me too long to realise this person had some real issues. When he made a comment, his “men’s group” would quickly jump to his defence.

I did a bit of research on the members of his men’s group and realised that all eight of their Facebook profiles had no information, two had the same picture as one another, and six of them had no friends at all.

I suggested to him that I believed his “men’s group” was a group of made up people with only him as the member. I said, “It is funny, when you post something, minutes later all these men fly to your defence and six of them have not obtained one friend but go straight to the Dead Beat Dads site.”

Stalking

He was furious with my comments, called me a liar and said I should learn to close my legs and I should be responsible for my child on my own, or I should let the father see the child. I told him my child’s father abandoned her and stated he never wanted to see her again. The guy said, “Well if you weren’t such a C#*T, he would have wanted to see the child.”

Then it all started! Some of friends off my Facebook friends list got emails from him saying I was a prostitute and fathers have rights and I should go to jail. He emailed my partner six times from four of his aliases, saying I am a prostitute, he had me last night when I was working down the road, and she said she is leaving you for me because you have a small penis. Another said, “I bet you can taste me in her!” I One that made us laugh said, “She is leaving you for me and taking your Camero and Trans Am.” Being Australian, we don’t even have those cars here. The worst was he emailed my daughter and said your mum is a whore and you need to go to the police to inform them.

I now know that I was not protecting myself well enough on Facebook, as everyone on the outside world could see who I was in a relationship with, and the link to my children. I also had my place of work on there, and when I looked at his profile, he had my place of work listed in his likes and interests.

Even though this person claimed to be in Canada and I am in Australia, I was a little unnerved about the situation. But I was angry that, because he didn’t like my comment, he decided that to silence me, he would, stalk, harass and slander me. He also said on the group that he would copy my picture and start a profile of me and write stupid comments on the group. I said, “Well that will look funny, me arguing with myself, and you have just written what you are going to do.”

Confrontation

I got back onto the Dead Beat Dads site and posted to the guy, “Why do you have my place of work listed on your profile? And why have you stalked me, emailed my friends and family? I believe you have a personality disorder.”

He said I was lying and another member said to the guy, “I have just looked at your profile and her place of work is there, so it is obvious there is only one liar amongst us.”

After that post, four women from the site emailed me, saying the same thing had happened to them. The group’s admin contacted me also. I decided to not fear this person, and to backspath him, as EB would say.

I posted next, “It does not take a psychology degree to realise this guy has a serious personality disorder. His obsession with this site is beyond normal, and stalking members is just plain psychopathic! I believe you have lost your children due to abuse, as you keep quoting, ‘False claims of abuse is abuse.’

“You get angry at women that move interstate, and you claim to know family and criminal law. I believe what you know about family law is what you have learnt trying to see your kids. If you had studied law for 15 years as you claim, you would have a career in law, not as a self-employed MC. You talk to us women on here like you are talking to your ex, and I believe you stalk members because in your mind, you are stalking your ex, as you have lost control of your children and your ex, and they probably have to move interstate all the time to be safe from you! You say you know about criminal law and stalking laws. Is that because you have been in so much trouble for your behaviour?

Another member jumped in, saying she believed he was an absolute Spath when he said that (we) need to show (you) DNA testing and that is very egocentric and grandiose! The group member thanked me for standing up for myself and the other members as he had been a disturbing menace for a couple of months.

Lock down

Then the next day when I went on to look at the group it was gone! He said it was his and his men’s group job to shut down every Dead Beat Dads group on the Internet.

Strangely now, I saw him, I heard him and I knew him. I knew the language, I knew the threats and I knew the bullying! I saw the red flag almost immediately. But this time I didn’t cower. I may have been wrong making such a big statement to him, but I will never be controlled by anyone ever again, or have anyone try to put fear into me again. I just hope I have heard the last of him.

I have now locked down my Facebook profile so no information is visible for the world to see. I also now will not up my photo on my profile, as he made me realise how easy it is to steal identities. I maybe still a little naïve, but I am getting there!

The group leader’s Facebook profile is no longer available and the group is gone. I just pray she didn’t also fall victim to this harassment and cyberbullying as well. He laughed that he was untouchable.

Dani S



95 Comments on "LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Staying safe on Facebook"

Trackback | Comments RSS Feed

  1. OxDrover says:

    Dear Delta1,

    Only reason I am on FB at all is I keep in touch with some cousins that way and with my husband’s grandkids and great grandkids.

    They post photos and all that. I also belong to a Bible discussion group on FB and a support a DV group as well.

    I was always a big letter writer when we mailed them snail mail, and I have boxes of letters both to and from my grandmother. I LOVED writing letters. The love letters my husband wrote to be before we married are some of my most beloved items. He wasn’t a letter writer but he wrote these to me and I cherish them. The letters I wrote to my grandmother when I was traveling the world tell the story of my travels and the ones I wrote to her when my kids were little are almost a day to day account of my kids as babies and toddlers.

    I don’t write much on face book but I look at the photos and so on. I really think people are missing something today with the e mails and posts on social sites….we won’t be able to go back through those letters and reread them (probably) or relive those moments frozen on paper.



    Report this comment

  2. Wini says:

    Delta1 and Erin1972, the way I look at it, at least WE can love. “They” can’t.



    Report this comment

  3. Wini says:

    Erin1972, instead of being angry with his current victim … cough wife, you should build on your compassion for her because she has no clue she’s married to a robot. Your anger stems from believing he’s real. He’s not. Therefore, what does she have as far as a life with a phantom? He will do what he always does … pretend, pretend, pretend (aka lie, lie, lie). Then when he feels he’s sucked all the life out of one victim, he’ll jump to the next.

    Be there for his current wife, when she’s thrown to the curb and stepped over by the likes of “him”. You will be her anchor (due to the knowledge you are learning), when he spins her in dizzying turmoil.

    Peace.



    Report this comment

  4. shugabooga says:

    i don’t understand why you let it go on as long as you did and why you communicated with him as many times as you did. you could have reported him to facebook and they would have acted on it, probably immediately.

    after my exboyfriend (a sociopath, coincidently) died, one of his friends “hijacked” his facebook account and was posting as the dead exboyfriend and also sent me a private message from the account. i told him to stop and his reaction was to remove me as a friend of the dead ex. i immediately reported the situation to facebook, and within three days, the dead ex’s account was removed, permanently i assume. facebook doesn’t mess around with abuse on their site!



    Report this comment

  5. Dani S says:

    Shugabooga I’m unsure if you are questioning me? It didn’t go on for that long! If he didn’t like a person on the group he just started harassing them, it all happened pretty quickly.
    And he used many different profiles, he said from many different computers…..

    I reported and flagged everything this person wrote and I know I was not the only one that did this was well. I also reported every message he sent to my friends and family. The group was shut down presumably by FB but he wasn’t, well as far as know, I can’t even bring my self to check! But he used so many profiles that I guess it would have been just easier for FB to shut the group down.

    That is horrible what happened to you on FB! It is a weird world out there in cyber sometimes 🙂



    Report this comment

Post a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.