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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Spiritual encouragement for survivors

Editor’s note: Lovefraud honors all religious and spiritual beliefs. However, we’ve heard of many sociopaths who twist the teachings of the Bible in order to keep victims from escaping exploitation.

A reader sent the following letter in order to encourage those who are in this situation—knowing they are being abused, but being told that Scripture says they should put up with it. The reader has no affiliation with the organizations posting the material; she just thought the links were helpful.

For those individuals who are of the Christian faith (and / or of any faith) — and who have, also unfortunately found themselves 
exposed to either sociopaths / the supporters-of-sociopaths 
(within their very own family or spiritual setting or, as is very 
often the case, both) — the following links may be of some 
help in discovering and receiving Biblical “support” in 
being able to acknowledge the God-given FACT that 
”tolerating a sociopath’s abuse” is very simply …

1) NOT part of a Christians’ “bearing one’s cross”;

2) NOT something that a Christian MUST simply 
”just forgive and forget” in order to have God 
also “forgive and forget” their own wrongs;

3) NOT merely a part of a Christians’ spiritual 
OBLIGATION to “turn their other cheek” (70 x 7)

4) NOT a part of “loving or ‘blessing’ one’s enemies”;

5) NOT something that in anyway “glorifies” or “honors” God, 
nor is it in anyway a type of “obedience” to the commandments 
left by God to all of mankind, nor does it follow along the 
lines of the “will” that God has planned for one’s life.

God has a GOOD will and plan for everyone’s life and God both can and will help people to escape, overcome, heal and even, somehow, also 
be able to learn from the abusive experiences that you have survived.

GOD HAS THE POWER AND THE WILL to, somehow or another, use 
these past experiences to “transform” a person (despite all the abuse) 
into becoming the very best person that they can become (to themselves
 and to others) and can actually somehow miraculously also use these 
experiences to work out all together for the GOOD within their own 
life (Romans 8:28; Jeremiah29:11; 3 John 1:2) and in the lives of others.

Should I offer forgiveness without repentance?

Should forgiveness be unconditional?

No forgiveness for the unrepentant

Selective Amnesia: “I have no idea what I did wrong!”

Forgiveness—does it matter if the abuser is a born-again Christian?

The Christian abuser—twisting God’s word to justify abuse

How can I forgive?

What about “Love your enemies?”



463 Comments on "LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Spiritual encouragement for survivors"

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  1. APG says:

    Here are links to a few very interesting article on the why
    many experts now feel that it is healthier and wiser to
    make sure that ‘Repentance’ precedes ‘Forgiveness’:

    http://www.scribd.com/doc/19840923/On-Forgiveness-of-Sin#fullscreen:on

    http://books.google.com/books?id=DeaEdNSSIYoC&printsec=frontcover&dq=sharon+lamb+before+forgiving&hl=en&ei=obQqTPzJHtL-nAfUzuHVDg&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CDEQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false

    http://books.google.com/books?id=C_Yg5V6kTFQC&printsec=frontcover&dq=the+trouble+with+blame&hl=en&ei=oLMqTKzVEKPonQfEnKCSAQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CCkQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false

    Related Link:

    http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2010/03/24/letters-to-lovefraud-spiritual-encouragement-for-survivors/#comment-78654

    Always remember —

    The process of ‘Forgiveness’ and the act
    of ‘Reconciliation’ are NOT the same thing.

    The act of ‘Reconciliation’ is NOT a “required”
    part of or step in the process of ‘Forgiveness’.

    The ‘offer’ of ‘Forgiveness’ is a “gift” that the
    wrongdoer is able to ‘accept’ only AFTER they
    have truly ‘repented’^^ of their wrongdoing

    (^^ confess/admit to, turn away from/stop doing,
    and make amends for their wrongdoing; sincerely
    make efforts to adequately prove to the target of
    their abuse/exploitation that they are contrite;
    empathetically understand/accept the initial
    reaction the target has toward them as being
    justified response to their wrongdoing; etc.)

  2. APG says:

    Carla:

    Your comment makes an excellent point about how so many
    people feel ‘biblically trapped’ (for lack of a better way to put
    it) in marriages (or other relationships) with partners who
    are complete and utter sociopaths (and this is generally
    due to false teaching and lack of proper support systems).

    It’s just like you stated …. [our Creator] “wants us to
    experience joy, not pain and exploiation. The bible doesn’t
    teach us to be pushovers. [AND] Even Jesus drew the line.”

    Here are links to a few books you might find to be of interest:

    http://www.redemptiveheart.com/Redemptive_Divorce.html

    http://www.redemptiveheart.com/resources.html

    http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2010/03/24/letters-to-lovefraud-spiritual-encouragement-for-survivors/#comment-80624

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