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RESOURCE PERSPECTIVES: Taking the sociopath to the mat

Editor’s Note: Resource Perspectives features articles written by members of Lovefraud’s Professional Resources Guide.

Questions to ask yourself when you want to go after a sociopath

By Fred Dunsing, Attorney at Law

Fred Dunsing profile in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide

I’m not a psychologist or a psychiatrist or a counselor. I’m a lawyer. Therefore, I’m wholly unqualified to write about sociopaths and the specifics of their mental health disorder.

I do, however, understand the definition of sociopath and generally understand what constitutes sociopathic behavior. I have seen many of these individuals during my years in practice as a family law attorney, and I can say that most of the sociopaths I have come in contact with have been within the context of fraudulent relationships. Most of these individuals have been men (although I must admit that I represent mainly women in my practice).

These individuals have been textbook cases. Men who look for recently single and/or otherwise vulnerable women that have what they need – usually money, credit, sex, or the ability to provide them with children. Generally, their whole lives are lies. Their education, military service, jobs, assets, friends, and even marital status are fabricated.

What has struck me in these cases is that these individuals often share other characteristics. They are often controlling. They are usually supreme narcissists. They have such an inflated and unrealistic view of their own intelligence and abilities that they think they are smarter than everyone else – police, lawyers, judges, and especially the women they victimize. This attitude is always their downfall.

Of the cases I have taken to trial involving these personality types, these individuals have not only always lost, but have always lost in a big way. They lose because of their utterly unjustified opinion of themselves, and of their abilities to con other people. They lose when they finally pick the wrong person who won’t just go away. Someone finally takes them “to the mat” all the way through the legal process. In the context of outright fraud or theft, that may mean the police and the local district attorney. In the context of a child custody or divorce case, that may mean taking it all the way through a civil trial.

These people are predators, but in their minds, they’ve done nothing wrong. They don’t believe a case will ever go to trial because they will outsmart or frustrate any court or lawyer and at the very least, they will convince the victim to drop the case – it’s just another con to them.

But the end of the road for these people is usually when they victimize a strong or determined person. The cases that typically are the most successful are those that involve women who were willing work countless hours to research and document the lies and the damage long before going to see a lawyer. It becomes a mission with them. And even after a lawyer explains the weaknesses of the legal system, these victims all have a common characteristic – they are not going to be victimized and they going to make sure that the sociopath never does it again to anyone else.

Now, this is often easier said than done. In most cases, it is expensive. The cost of the necessary discovery and litigation can be incredibly high. Moreover, the impact on the victim’s personal life during the period of litigation can be devastating.

In my experience, a person who is contemplating taking a sociopath “to the mat” needs to answer the following questions: 1) Do I have the financial resources to pursue this course of action? 2) Am I willing to put my family through the process? 3) What are my goals? Am I seeking some measure of justice? Am I doing this for my family? Am I doing this to teach the sociopath a lesson? Am I doing this for myself?

There is an old adage that most everyone has heard, “you can spell principle two ways – with an ‘al’ and with an ‘le.’” It’s OK to spell it with an “le.” You are entitled to seek justice. You are entitled to stand on your principles. You just have to understand that in our legal system, it usually costs you money (principal spelled with an “al”). You also have to understand that in some instances, judgments against sociopaths may not worth the paper they are written on – particularly if the assets taken have already been squandered and the damage has already been done. You can’t collect on judgments if you can’t find the assets to execute on.

It is, however, an entirely a different situation when the stakes are not just missing property or ruined credit, but instead are whether helpless children will be exposed to a sociopath or even worse, raised by one.


Posted in: Laws and courts

204 Comments on "RESOURCE PERSPECTIVES: Taking the sociopath to the mat"

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  1. kim frederick says:

    Licking finger for a second time and striking yet another invisable mark in the air…EB 2—Spaths Zip.



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  2. ErinBrock says:

    Kimmie….
    I hope your washing those hands before you put them in your mouth!!!!!
    Cuz….I ain’t done yet……..
    HAHAHAHAHAHA

    🙂



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  3. JoyFull says:

    Taking mine to the mat was the beginning of the end as I was crushed in finding proof of what I strongly suspected. It happened within the first year of marriage.

    He was working at his 4th job at a motor sport as a Service Manager. He even changed his title from Service Manager to Service Director.

    Anyway, he wanted me to go visit him constantly at this place, even at the time, I saw that he was “showing me off”, he poured out the affection and kisses way overboard. I could see right through his motive for this. there was a young, pretty, Hot girl that worked at the sales counter. She raced motorcycles, and I knew that he found that very exciting.
    Anyway, I was a prop he would use to try to impress her in his warped mind, the message he wanted to send her was this. See how wonderful I am with a woman, and too also try to create in her a jealousy, to drive her crazy with desire for him.
    Not once did i ever express these obvious ploys to him, I just silently observed him action.

    Then I watched how he slowly created his office as a warm, welcoming environement for the male technicians that he “directed”. Even then I knew immediately what he was up to. He would encourage all of them to use his office computer and even had them gather there for lunches and just to shoot the shit.

    Eventually, all of these guys became trapped under his spell that he cast. The were just like lambs being led to the slaughter house. His whole freakin agenda was to have them feel comfortable to use his computer anytime.

    Sure enough, he was eventually fired for insurance fraud and computer activity that was unethical. Of course it wasn’t him, “all those guys used his computer”, he was one of them.

    I knew he was a filthy liar then, I had proof, I saw his computer activity, his login times in the mornings before anyone else was there, the pedophilia sites he visited, all his activity.

    At that time, I stared to withdraw from him, Even when the truth was right there staring him in the face, he swore it wasn’t him. he did nothing wrong.

    Since being fired from that job, he has been fired once again for “stealing from the company” and he was investigated. Again, in his words, I am innocent.

    Anyway, if you are determined to find the truth, simply for your own sanity, there are ways to find out. Be prepared for heartbreak though, but the truth sets you free even though it hurts terribly at first.



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  4. Wini says:

    JoyFull, all the Spaths that destroyed our lives prove these scriptures to be TRUE!

    It is a lie to say these wicked people are looking for the Light. Scripture reveals just the opposite. God is light (1 John 1:5), and they are not looking for Him. They are renouncing Him (Psalm 10:3-4). They hate Him (Romans 1:18-32). They reject the Light, lest their deeds be exposed (John 3:19-20). That’s the true gospel (John 3:16-21).

    It is a lie to say that man “longs” for “goodness”, because Scripture says, “An evil man seeks only rebellion;” (Proverbs 17:11), and “The soul of the wicked desires evil;” (Proverbs 21:10).

    Paul’s gospel in Romans 3:11-12 which says, “There is none who seeks after God. They have all turned aside; They have together become unprofitable; There is none who does good, no, not one.” To long for goodness would be doing something which is good. Men without God do no good (Isaiah 64:6; Romans 3:12).



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  5. JoyFull says:

    Wini, thank you for these wonderful truths of God’s word. I have some family members who refuse to study all of God’s word. They want to stay focused on the warm fuzzy feeling stuff and don’t believe that there are “hopeless” evil doers that scripture plainly spells out. They even go as far as saying it’s God’s will to take what ever poison or evil is put upon you all in the name of God’s command.

    These very scriptures you have put obove are exactly where I have been led to learn of.

    I recently read this as I receive daily devotionals from Love Worth Finding. Perfect way to describe that love does not conquer all, not our love anyway, only God’s love and if He is allowed, He will remove evil from our presence, resist the devil and he will flee from you.

    DEVOTIONAL THOUGHT:
    A farmer and his farmhand went duck hunting. The farmer said to his friend, “You’re always talking about fighting with the devil. I’m not a Christian, and I never have to fight with the devil.” The farmhand answered, “Boss, if you and I shot two ducks, one was wounded and one was dead, which one would you go after first?” He said, “Well, I guess the wounded duck.” He said, “That’s right. The devil knows you’re a dead duck.” If the devil doesn’t bother you, it’s because he doesn’t have to bother you, since you and he are traveling in the same direction. If you turned around, you’d have a collision with him. Right now, you are in collusion with him.

    Many of us are very wounded and being targeted by Satan should come as no surprise. It’s not that we go looking to be abused, or targeted.

    ACTION POINT:
    Are you a child of God? Then, praise Him that He has given you the power over Satan and placed you on the pathway to see Him face to face!



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  6. Wini says:

    JoyFull, yes, it’s amazing these truths have always been in the Bible, yet we just glossed over them because we couldn’t see at the time, what we needed to see.

    God puts people in our paths, not only to love, protect and care for us, but to wound and cause us harm. Why? Because he’s building our character to be the best that he wants us all to be. How would we know love, if we didn’t experience the pain of the loveless? How would we know Joy, if we didn’t experience the Joyless? How would we know truth, if we didn’t experience lies and deception? etc. etc. etc.

    We may not know God’s plan for us at the time we are going through what He wants us to experience, but we need to trust and have Faith that His love for us will never fail.

    The Lord tests the righteous, but the wicked and the one who loves violence His soul hates. Upon the wicked He will rain coals; fire and brimstone and a burning wind shall be the portion of their cup.

    Liars will not go to heaven! Liars go to hell (Revelation 21:8)!

    Jude 4 says about these men who have crept in unnoticed, that they turn the grace of our God into “lewdness”

    Jude 4 also says that they “deny the only Lord God and our Lord Jesus Christ.”

    The true God is always both a Judge and a Father.

    Yes, I know I will see Him face to face.

    Peace and God Bless you.



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