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Archive for August, 2009

Two kidnappers: Which one is the psychopath?

America was horrified last week to learn that Phillip Garrido, a convicted sex offender who lived in Antioch, California, had kidnapped Jaycee Lee Dugard from her home in 1991, kept her as a sex slave in a tent compound behind his home, and fathered two children with her.

Garrido aroused suspicions when he showed up at the University of California, Berkley, with two girls, ages 11 and 15. According to the New York Times, he wanted to give lectures and live demonstrations that could help people who hear voices stop before committing a violent act. The Times wrote:

On Monday, Mr. Garrido had again approached university officials about a staging a religious event and handing out literature about schizophrenia. But campus police officials found his behavior suspicious, particularly in relationship to two young girls Mr. Garrido had with him. The girls are now known to be his and Ms. Dugard’s daughters, ages 11 and 15.

The love scripts of sociopaths

It is likely you are reading this because a sociopath said “I love you” and you believed him/her. You also probably thought that when the sociopath said “I love you” he/she used these words as you do, to express a sense of intimacy, passion and commitment. However, what a sociopath says and what a sociopath does are so different it can be crazy making.

In the aftermath of a relationship with a sociopath, former romantic partners are left to wonder, “Just what was going on in that person’s mind?” “What was he/she thinking?” Many people have written in asking, “Did he/she really love me?” and “Do you think he/she loves that other person now?” It is the second question many find most disturbing.

BOOK REVIEW: In Sheep’s Clothing—Understanding Manipulative People

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)

Dr. George K. Simon, Jr., Ph.D. received his degree in clinical psychology from Texas Tech University and has studied and worked with manipulators and their victims for many years. Dr. Simon has taught over 250 workshops on the subject of dealing with manipulative people. In 1996, he published In Sheep’s Clothing—Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People. This book is in its ninth printing.

The book is divided into two principle parts. Part I is “Understanding Manipulative Personalities” and Part II is “Dealing Effectively with Manipulative People.”

Two Important Types of Aggression

Dr. Simon describes two types of aggression:

The Worst Historians

One thing that’s certain about sociopaths and exploitive personalities generally: when it comes to relationships, they are the worst historians.

They are chronic historical revisionists—that is, they are constantly revising history.

And their revisions are headed in predictable directions—to make them look good, unguilty, unresponsible for the damage they’ve caused and, of course, whenever possible, to position themselves as the true victims of the circumstances.

And that’s, of course, when history interests them. And history will interest them, but only when they can use it against you. If it suits their need, say, to punish you for a decision you made in the past, even before you met them, abusers may use this knowledge of your history as a weapon of attack or control in perpetuity.

After the sociopath is gone: The ABCs of healing the past

The past. We’ve all got one. All stumbled over its inevitable lumps and bumps, highways and by-ways leading to nowhere. It’s something we can’t get out of living without. It’s the thing that makes our lives what they are today.

It’s also the thing that can keep us from living our lives today for all we’re worth.

We can’t get rid of the past. Nor should we want to. What we can do is lighten its load and shorten its shadow on our life today by following these three simple ABC’s to living freely in what Joseph Campbell calls, ‘the rapture of now’.

A. Acknowledge the reality of what is. Acknowledge your patterns of behaviour that created your reality today.
B. Be accountable for your role in creating it. Be accountable for your responsibility in taking charge of it.
C. Commit to changing what you can, and have the courage to let go of the rest. Commit to doing whatever it takes to create more of what you want in your life today and let go of what doesn’t work anymore.

Steve Becker addresses the question: Is your narcissistic husband wasting your life?

Lovefraud author Steve Becker, LCSW, was interviewed again on Internet radio. The program on Martha Trowbridge Radio is called Love’s mirage: Is your narcissistic husband wasting your life?

In the interview, Steve gives a brief definition of narcissists, describing them as people who feel entitled to whatever they want. He discusses common myths about narcissists. Then he gets into the meat of the topic—are there any signs that indicate a relationship with a narcissist can be salvaged?

You can listen to the interview by clicking the link below. To start the audio, click the arrow in the green bar under the headline:

Steve Becker, LCSW: Love’s Mirage: Is Your Narcissistic Husband Wasting Your Life?

Posted in: Steve Becker, LCSW

Can Michael Vick change his behavior?

Nearly two weeks ago, watching the Philadelphia Eagles play the New England Patriots in a pre-season game, I heard TV commentators talking about the newest addition to the Eagles roster: dog-murderer Michael Vick.

The news soon became official. The Philadelphia Eagles signed Michael Vick, the former star quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons who just completed a 23-month sentence for running a dog fighting ring. Vick spent 18 months in prison, then served the rest of his sentence in home confinement.

Thousands of Eagles fans were outraged. “As a lifetime Philadelphia sports fan, I’m reeling from the Eagles’ signing of Michael Vick, justifiably the most hated man in sports,” wrote Dan Brown on the Huffington Post.

“I mean, the guy electrocuted, hung and drowned dogs. He only confessed to doing it after all of his buddies blew the whistle on him. He operated his Bad Newz Kennels dog fighting ring for six years.”

True and pithy observations about narcissists

Editor’s Note: Laughs in the e-mail today sent by a Lovefraud reader. Enjoy!

Narcissist sayings about themselves:
“A lie is as good as the truth if you can get someone to believe it.'”
“I’m really easy to get along with once you learn to worship me.”

About Narcissists:
“He was the only man I ever knew that could strut while sitting down.”
“Every narcissist woman wants a man she can look down on.”
“There’s nothing wrong with narcissists that reasoning with them won’t aggravate.”
“She was truly a legend in her own mind”

“Reverend” Tony Alamo, Pedophile and Conman, Finally Convicted for His Crimes

By Ox Drover

My own personal opinion is that most humans, as a species, have a component that comprises “spirituality.” Evidence from some of the earlier cultures of our species when our ancestors were still living in caves indicate that these people had some idea that there were unseen gods or spirits in the heavens or in their worlds.

I think for many of us our spirituality is also part of our healing path and helps us to set a moral compass to follow in our actions and thoughts. Most of the sacred writings of several belief systems I have read all indicate that kindness to others, charity, and doing good to your fellow man is primary to following that belief. Though history and ancient evidence also indicate that some belief systems at least in the ancient past induced their followers to sacrifice their children by burning them before the altar of the idol, or offering blood sacrifices of captured enemies to the deity, those seem to be in the minority of belief systems.

Posted in: Media sociopaths

After the sociopath is gone: Living in the wonder of now.

It has been just over six years since the man who promised to love me ‘til death do us part (and took the ‘til death part way too seriously) was arrested. In the intervening years, I have grown and healed and cried and slipped and stood and leaped and wrestled with truth versus fiction. I have sought to make sense of his nonsense and dropped my need to understand him as I’ve struggled to find my one true self beneath the debris of his torturous ride through my life.

And I have survived.

I have stood up tall while the sky was falling down around me. I have turned sour grapes into the heady bouquet of sunlit days of wine and roses. I have uncovered lies. Torn away the darkness and peeled back time to find my truth within me. I have been drawn by courage to face my own culpability in all that happened. I have faced my fears and asked for forgiveness. I have forgiven and been forgiven. I have asked for strength and found the truth of who I am. For in the end, truth has overcome his lies. Triumph surpassed the tragedy of his abuse.