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The philosophy of a sociopath

Lovefraud recently received a letter from a woman who we’ll call Valerie. She met her husband, who we’ll call Dylan, at age 18, and has been with him for seven years. She thought they were happy together in their wonderful home with their family of pets.

Suddenly Dylan started acting erratically. He said he didn’t want to be with Valerie any more. He picked fights. She asked Dylan to leave, but made it clear that she was willing to do whatever was necessary to help him. So he left, and wouldn’t tell her where he was. Eventually, Valerie’s intuition told her to check her husband’s Facebook page, where she found Dylan’s love letters to another woman.

Then Valerie found how Dylan described himself on another website. Here’s what he wrote:

My name is Dylan and I believe in Chaos, destruction and murder. I will contradict myself but I don’t think that should make me a hypocrite. I hone my strengths and hide my weaknesses because only the strong will survive. I lie, cheat and steal. But only if it’s the most intelligent plan of action; & only the stupid get caught. I’m fighting a personal rebellion I can’t justify. I’m losing my mind, my friends and my morals with each passing day, but each day I pass leads me closer to finding myself. I would rather live my life in surrender to temptation than to deny my natural instincts. I never hurt those who do not hurt me first, I don’t believe in physical confrontation but as in eastern philosophy I am trained to engage in it, if for nothing more than the practice of strengthening the bond between mind and body.

I know who I am, but not where I am, or why I am here. I find Art to be the only voice of reason in a place otherwise inhabited by counter-production. I promote sex, but lack emotion, I hate addicts but I believe in drugs, I make music but I destroy everything else. I bore easily but I am doomed to repeat myself.

My name is Dylan and this is only the beginning.

Whoa! Did this guy just write the sociopath manifesto?

I don’t know if Dylan is truly describing himself—apparently he’s got some kind of hardcore band and perhaps he wrote the above statement for its shock value. Still, is it possible to even come up with these ideas if he didn’t experience the state of mind that they imply?

Fundamentally different

The truly scary thing about sociopaths is that they are fundamentally different from the rest of us. They do not want what we want. They do not value what we value.

Normal human beings want affection, cooperation and achievement. We want to care about others and contribute to life. Sociopaths want power, control and sex, and they’ll destroy anyone and anything to get what they want.

But sociopaths look like us and appear to act like us. That’s why they are so hard to identify. It’s also why people who have not experienced their manipulation up close and personal find it so difficult to believe us. The uninitiated—those lucky souls who have not been devastated by a sociopath—have yet to learn that there are people in the world for whom proclamations of love, truth and promises are nothing but tactics in a power game.

Everything changes

This is the bottom line: Dealing with a sociopath changes everything. Normal human courtesies do not apply. Social protocols do not apply. Rules do not apply. Contracts do not apply. Laws do not apply.

If we find that we are interacting with a sociopath, the best thing we can do is get the person out of our lives. When that is not possible, we need to be on mental red alert at all times and understand that anything the person says may be a lie. We need to know that for the sociopath, we are not a friend, or a lover, or a relative, or a co-worker. For a sociopath, all we are is a target.



161 Comments on "The philosophy of a sociopath"

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  1. geminigirl says:

    Thank you so much, “Blueskies!I really appreciate your feed back! No one really understands, do they unless theyve been there? And there are so few people we can unburden ourselves to, or even want to. No-one else would believe us, anyway! This website is so great, filled with wonderful courageous ladies,{and maybe a few guys too!}Like you, Im determined now never to go back to the person I was, I am worth so much more than that.I grieve for my lost children, but they are GONE and wont be coming back! Was it a husband with you, or your kids? neither of my 2 brothers talk to me now, either. They both live in England, and are such chauvinists, especially Robert, who is now 68. he actually told me off for crying at my Mums funeral! I flew out from Australia to see her, and she died while I was on the plane.
    Actually its them I feel sorry for, thy are so screwed up.Ive tried to bury the hatchet with both of them, but neither has responded in17 years, so its their loss!Thanks again, take care of yourself! Much Love, Maia.{geminigirl}



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  2. geminigirl says:

    Also. its a bit like peeling layers off an onion,each layer of pain reveals another. Must be a huge onion! I guess it takes as long as it takes and I must trust the process, and trust God.



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  3. blueskies says:

    You are right – we have to be our own best friends and validators in this, even well meaning friends who care cannot really understand the damage, unless they’ve been through it.

    🙂 With me it was an imaginary future husband (I am giggling at myself as I write that- a good sign surely!) who turned out to be a disgusting sleezy liar sexual predator dangerous mind f***king creepazoid with delusions of grandeur, who nearly destroyed me – but in the process helped(hmmm not sure that is really the word to use…) me to finally understand that my Narcissistic physically and mentally abusive Mother, father and sister have been moulding me into a good little co-dependant victim since the day I was born and I was just ripe for the picking! I have spent my life being shaped into an all you can eat sociopath’s buffet by the people who were supposed to love and care for me. It’s a BIG onion!;)xx I am so glad you have found my feedback helpful:) made my day:)xxx



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  4. geminigirl says:

    Thank you so much, darling girl! Love you! Maia. {geminigirl]
    I think my Mother was toxic too, I adored her, but she was very manipulative. I think she actually prevented me from getting to know my dad, as he was HER dad figure.I also think she damaged my brothers,as she was always comparing them, {ie, Billy was the aristocrat, Robert was the peasant.} Rob was a very sensitive little boy, and I think she screwed up both my brothers, big time.Love, Maia.



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  5. blueskies says:

    I just wanted to add that this is not about ‘blaming’ others for my misfortune… I cant quite describe things properly…that is a mentality I am not comfortable with…but really trying things for what they are… what they REALLY were… and understanding how I have behaved or reacted to them in the past… understanding why that was, forgiving myself… becoming the captain of my own ship:)x



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  6. blueskies says:

    oops – I just posted over you:) THANKS MIA!:)xx



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  7. blueskies says:

    For example; my older sister just had her first child,( I have two who my sister has shown ZERO interest in over the years. My father died suddenly (choked) two months after my second was born, my relationship with the father broke down and I was COMPLETELY alone,extremely vulnerable. At the time the sister, instead of helping or supporting, did her best to further isolate me ostracize me, using my ‘low’ as an excuse to ‘step’ on me.) Now this lovely new person has arrived, I am happy for her, but I have been denied access, am not ‘allowed’ to see the babe, my children are not invited to meet their new cousin. My mother (who had her first child taken into care and then made out like she never existed) is ‘acting’ like the devoted grandmother but calling me every 5 minutes to tell me how ‘badly’ my sister is coping with the baby, asking for advice … Its NUTS! before this experience with the s/p I would have been upset, hurt, confused, taken this weird control thing personally, wondered what I did wrong, how they could be so cruel, tried to help, given advice to my mother for helping my sister… but now I just see them as this tornado of drama and control that if I even TOUCH will drag me into a place that is completely crazy-making. It has been their game for years. I have been in a constant rinse and spin cycle, used as the fall guy in their dramas and nonsense… BUT not any more. I cannot divorce my family, or go literally no contact right now at least, but I am emotionally no contact with any of this kind of BS. ‘Good’ girl blueskies or ‘Bad’ girl blueskies (it depends on the weather with them I think), its all the same to me: NOTHING… I am captain of my own ship and I sail it in peace and my own sunshine….Thank you creepazoid:)



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  8. Joy says:

    Gemini and blueskies, I have followed your exchange and it seems that at the heart we were all programmed in some way by our families to be vulnerable to these types. I would say that it is the rare exception that a “healthy” person falls prey. They seems to know our kind and fish for us. Once found, they bait, hook, reel us in, then gut us and eat us for dinner. Or so it feels to me. No contact is the key. The only honest answer and yet a difficult one, too. Good luck to you both as you peel those onions, and I will be peeling mine. It is much harder with family to disengage so stay strong.



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