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BOOK REVIEW: The Gift of Betrayal

Dr. Eve Wood is a practicing psychiatrist and an author of motivational books such as There’s Always Help; There’s Always Hope and 10 Steps to Take Charge of Your Emotional Life. Her motto is, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” Now she’s written a new book that she wished was available when her own life fell apart: The Gift of Betrayal—How to Heal Your Life When Your World Explodes, available in the Lovefraud Store.

Dr. Wood’s husband of 27 years betrayed her. For legal reasons, she doesn’t tell exactly what he did, except to say the magnitude of the betrayal was truly shocking and she could have died. Reading through the lines, it sounds like she was involved with a sociopath, and we all know what that’s like.

So what was she to do? Dr. Wood believes what she wrote in her other books, and decided that she wanted to heal, move forward and build a new life. She writes:

“You have a choice. You can see this betrayal as a curse or a blessing. You can make it about him, or you can make it about you. You can be the victim, or you can take charge. You can grow or shrink. You can heal your life or shrivel up and die. You can choose light, joy and love … or remain bitter and alone.”

The process was painful, and it took time. She didn’t start out trying to forgive her husband. Dr. Wood writes:

“Most books about betrayal focus on forgiveness, on forgiving the offender and yourself. But I think the attention of forgiving is misguided. When you’ve been burned, you need to treat your wound. You must figure out how you got scorched in the first place and learn to heal.”

The book is divided into 14 chapters, which Dr. Wood calls “lessons.” They are:

  1. What is betrayal, how does it feel, and where can it take you?
  2. You have a choice: Do you seize your power or become a victim?
  3. Could you have been married to (or involved with) a sociopath?
  4. How did you get here, and what are you meant to learn from this?
  5. What is the role of forgiveness in healing?
  6. Trust in your ability to create your heart’s desire
  7. Take action to create the life you really want
  8. Slow down: Examine and honor all your involvements
  9. Take risks, try new things … and pay attention to how you feel
  10. Let your female friends help you
  11. Learn what men have to offer and what they cannot do for you
  12. Invite joy, pleasure and passion into your life
  13. Stay present to the gift of the moment
  14. Celebrate you newfound freedom, fulfillment and fabulous good fortune

This book is written for women who have been betrayed by men. Dr. Wood specifically emphasizes that if the man was a sociopath, the only way to heal is to leave the relationship. She states that sociopaths destroy people. However, she doesn’t talk about how to recover from severe psychological issues that may result from these relationships, such as post-traumatic stress disorder.

This book is for the woman who has processed the shock of the betrayal by the sociopath and is ready, however shakily, to rebuild her life. The Gift of Betrayal provides a roadmap for doing it.

The Gift of Betrayal—How to Heal Your Life When Your World Explodes

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117 Comments on "BOOK REVIEW: The Gift of Betrayal"

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  1. hens says:

    findingmyself – I dont know who this woman was but she was and is not his therapist…you need to chill..they are f–ing with your mind and enjoying every minute of it..i repeat No Contact is your only weapon and ultimate survival..

  2. one_step_at_a_time says:

    good call hens. god, i can’t imagine getting a call from one of the spath’s sock puppets telling me how good, wounded and open to change she is…bwahahaahahaaa…..click.

  3. Findingmyself says:

    Oxy than YOU! Yes, he is the lie! He is trying to hook me back yet again. I am way past that at this point. But the fact that I felt such anger when I heard her say “protection” vs “betrayal”…MAN I saw RED, then I cried a river.

    hens, I hope your right! At that moment when that woman said those words, of course I saw that smug smile on his face in my mind and thinking “see, I was protecting you, not harming you”…oh MAN! If she is a real therapist, she needs to shut down!

    one_step, thanks for the laugh…I actually laughed out loud when I read that! I needed that, thank you!

  4. Ox Drover says:

    Dear findingmyself,

    ANGER is a legitimate response to injury and he was injuring you. BLINDSIDING you and bush whackiing you! WHAT A CREEP!

    I don’t believe this was a “therapist,” but actually it could have been, I have known some that stupid and the psychopaths are good at fooling even some smart ones. BUT the point is that it was NOT a legitimate thing for anyone to do, therapist or not!

    I like that “protecting” you! LOL what a word salad! They are so good at using P-speak instead of truth-speak! ROTFLMAO “protecting” not “betraying” Choke, snort, LOL

    Keep strong! (((hugs))) and g’nite!

  5. Findingmyself says:

    Oxy, it was the “therapist” who said to him that they needed to discuss why he felt the need to “protect” me from the knowledge of the other women–those were HER words to him. And why he felt the need to “protect” himself from being honest with me. Well, MS Therapist, I can tell you right here, right now the “why”..because he is a liar, a womanizer, a manipulator and selfish to the core. He wanted to keep me thinking it was only “us” while he was out running around instead of manning up and being honest with me that he was seeing other people so I could at least have had the option to do the same if I chose to. What an idiot!…now I feel better :-)

  6. hens says:

    findingmyself – it’s sad how these relationship’s begin with a dream of happiness and end up such nitemare’s, if nothing else is understood I know I was in a very toxic and unhealthy relationship and I had to get out, let go and save myself..there was no other choice..even with the occasional feelings of loss I know I did the right thing..this is a time for you to heal yourself and prepare yourself for healthy relationships to come –peace

  7. geminigirl says:

    Dear hens, The book you suggested I buy -”Meaning from Madness” by Richard Skerritt, arrived today, and I read it all in one hit. will read it at least 2 more times, to really “get’ it. very interesting and informative as to the thought processes and defence mecahnisms of Narcs, Spaths, and borderlines,[or a mix of all 3]They say.”To know all is to understand all, and to undestand all is to forgive all.’
    I hope this book will help me to understand my 2 spath daughters, and forgive them, but never have to see or trust them ever again.Its one thing to forgive them, but Ill NEVER trust them again for the cruelty and torment they put me through.I could identify with what he calls “splitting,” by the spath,ie, splitting you off the face of the earth, as if you dont exist!Thisis what my spath D 2 did to me 17 plus years ago.
    Love, gemXX

  8. Ox Drover says:

    Dear Findingmyself,

    Well, if the “therapist” was calling LYING “protecting” himself by “protecting’ you from finding out that is the worst psycho-babble therapy word salad I have ever heard. It is actually FUNNY to the point I may have to go change my clothes if I keep laughing and howling!!!! BWAHHHHHHHHH NWAHHHH What a crock of carp!

    Gem, sweetie, the “getting the bitterness out” just keeps you from lying there in the dark mentally sticking imaginary bamboo stickers under their fingernails while chortling in glee as they scream in pain, it doesn’t mean that you want to invite them for dinner. It doesn’t mean that what they did was OK, or that they are not vile creatures, the only thing forgiveness does is to calm your mind of angry vengeful thoughts that are destructive to peace and calm in your soul.

    It allows us to acknowledge that they are evil, but that we have risen above that evil, that we have let the hold that evil had on our soul expire, and that IN SPITE OF their evil, we will not allow it to destroy our lives.

    Last night I saw a short clip of Natalie’s mother after the ending of the Van Der sloot interview, where she broke down and wept, and I think may have taken a turn for the better. She only got more lies from the piece of scum, and walked out of the interview….but she said after the cry, “I didn’t think I would break down like this and cry, but he’s taken my life, my daughter, my marriage, my job,” etc etc and named off all the things she’d lost, but then she said something along the line of “but why should I give him the power over my life just because he killed my daughter?”

    Even though van der sloot refused to give her closure, I think she may have FOUND HER OWN closure!!! I hope and pray that she has or will.

    I think I can partly at least understand her need to find her daughters body, to have something to bury…for closure, but I doubt that she will get that, that is the trump card Joran holds for ATTENTION. If he gives that trump card up (assuming her body could be found anyway) he has NOTHING to keep the TV and reporters and other attention giving people from coming to see him. It is his life line to ATTENTION. Otherwise he is NOTHING but another petty crook in Peru.

    I hope Natalie Holloway’s mother can find closure and peace and let go of her pain, and start to heal. She has certainly been dealing with a psychopath. My prayers are for her and her family.

  9. hens says:

    Dear Gem I am happy you got the book, i have recommended it for 3 years and your the first to actually get it. Skerrit has more books, they are quick reads packed with so much knowledge because he lived with evil.
    I ordered a book last nite , – Cruise Control – understanding sexual addiction in gay men..maybe it will help me understand why there are so many dysfunctional gay men including myself…those of us that were abandoned or not loved by our fathers seem to seek out love with men through sex…Not that it matters much for me anymore at my age but hey it’s all about understanding what makes us tick and why they ticked the way they did…off to work….

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