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The gift of forgiveness

By Peggy Whoever

Today I had an epiphany, certainly my first, and perhaps the only one I shall receive in this lifetime. I consider myself blessed.

I equate this epiphany, an almost supernatural experience, as being akin to what someone on LSD may have experienced, whereby every nerve ending, and the synapses within every cell is felt at a deep sensory level, where there is a oneness and synchronicity within me and outside of me, a oneness with the universe. (No, I have never experimented with drugs!)

I equate this feeling with Abraham Maslow’s study of “peak experiences”. This is a rare moment, sometimes a once-in-a lifetime vision, comprehension, and/or deep level of spirituality. I have the chills although I am not cold, a shivering awareness of truth. This moment left me utterly speechless. (A rare moment!)

I want to make it perfectly clear that this state of forgiveness has been a raging battle within me, an anguishing war that has lasted 1 year, 3 months and 23 days. But today, truly, I have forgiven the sociopath—and consequently I have set myself free.

I wrote him one last letter, below, (which will never be sent). Thousand(s) of hours of study, the help of my friends and family, and finding Lovefraud, has contributed greatly to my comprehension, hence the forgiveness. Today I read about serpents and scorpions, and how “they are what they are” and cannot be otherwise. Likewise, sociopaths “are whom they are” and they predictably do what sociopaths do…which is to bleed us dry emotionally, physically, financially, and perhaps most harmfully, spiritually and/or soulfully. The result of forgiving him is that the pain and anger has disappeared within in my own being…and subsequently I have regained the strength within ME. In forgiving the sociopath, I have reclaimed my joy and my ability to function normally, fully, and potentially at a much higher level than before.

Dear _ _ _ :

You are forgiven.

Yes, as of this day, this moment in time, I forgive you.

In no way do I condone the choices you have made nor the behaviors you have exhibited.
I deplore the things you have done that have caused extreme emotional pain to many innocent victims.

A snake can only be a snake and strike without warning at a moment’s notice. A scorpion will sting. A sociopath is, and always will be, a sociopath.

YOU are missing the essential elements of humanity: love, joy, peace, kindness, compassion, and a conscience. You will never find fulfillment in the materialism and power-mongering that consumes you. You may become the “richest” person or most powerful person on earth, yet you will forever have only emptiness within you.

I feel great sorrow and pity beyond measure for your inability to feel and be fully human. The greatest treasures in life are not measured in gold, nor possessions, but are held within one’s heart. You are very poor indeed.

Your departure, and the resulting obsessing, ruminating, distress, research and investigation has led me on an ultimate journey to the center of my own soul. Forgiving you has brought me to a place of comprehension, great joy, and…peace.

Sincere Regards,
Me

I have come to believe that forgiveness is a state of higher consciousness, a higher vibration and an escalated plane in the realm of human existence. Indeed, the sociopaths dastardly deeds of lying, promiscuity, stealing, aggression, embezzling, and a range of unethical and illegal activities—as well as tromping on people’s hearts—has ultimately given me an incredible, life-altering gift that I wish for you, dear Lovefraud friends…

The gift of forgiveness.

Blessings and Peace,
Peggywhoever

P.S. I want to thank AlohaTraveler for her friendship, insights and wit during this healing process.



125 Comments on "The gift of forgiveness"

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  1. OxDrover says:

    Dear Newlife09,

    At first it seems that we focus on THEM, but in taking the focus off them and putting it on OURSELVES we can truly start to heal. Until I was able to forgive THEM and FORGIVE MYSELF I was impeded in my healing. I still have a long way to go, but I am at a stage now where I can FEEL the JOY and goodness of life again and life is not a constant and continual pain.

    I am refilling my coffers and “emotional reserve strength” so that when I DO have a down day, I can use that reserve strength to recover quickly.

    In the past I had such a deficit of strength that even any little thing would throw me into the PITS for days, weeks, months and it was like going back to “square one” to start to regain the ground I had lost. Now, with some insight and reserve strength I can recover quickly and the pits are never as deep as they were. It is the difference between falling and skinning your knee and falling 100 feet and breaking both legs. (((hugs)))



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  2. Dodged_A_Bullet says:

    yeh, i’ve often wondered how much in danger I am because of him. He’s has exhibited all the signs of sociopaty….I wonder if he would go so far as to physicall harm me. If he can do it by spreading HIV, I guess he could do it other ways without remorse.



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  3. Elizabeth Conley says:

    I’m 46. I watched the whole AIDS epidemic unfold. It’s been personally tragic, not just an abstract intellectual issue. Quite bluntly, I’ve lost friends and a great mentor. This disease touches everyone on the planet.

    One of the aspects that has always chilled me to the bone has been the HIV positive individuals who deliberately infect others. Many such people have been interviewed and their rationalizations have been analyzed ad nauseum.

    Whatever! I think they’re all hopelessly self centered people, EVERY single one of them. That’s cluster B, in a nutshell. Every single one of ’em is a Borderline, Histrionic, Narcissist, or P/S.

    If someone does this, there is no explanation that mitigates the evil of the attack. They are human wrecking balls, and we should be very, very afraid. There’s no knowing how their extreme selfishness will manifest next. All you can know for sure is that there is going to be a human toll.



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  4. OxDrover says:

    Elizabeth,

    The story I read of the “original” HIV+ airline steward in San Francisco was that he knew or figured out that whatever was making him sick was sexually transmitted and he went to the bathhouses for sex, to deliberately spread it, where the lights were low and the horrible specter he was at that time wasn’t so apparent.

    I think there are those that deliberately spread it, and those that just don’t care if they spread it because they don’t want to use condoms.

    While condoms HELP cut down the spread of STDs in general, THEY ARE NOT SAFE, but only safe-er.

    Anytime you are having sex with someone, with or without a condom, you are risking acquiring STDs, MORE THAN ONE OF WHICH CAN BE FATAL.

    There are Hep A, B, C and D (the last only if you also have HIV+) but I no longer am current on the number of different HEP viruses out there (it keeps rising) as well as other serious or dangerous STDs. I hate to sound like a “nut case” or paranoid, but I AM paranoid about STDs. Frankly I would never crawl into the sack with ANYone unless they were tested frist AND I was pretty doggone sure they were not out there cheating.

    That’s another BIG problem with the psychopaths. They are generally sexually promiscious and not safety conscious so while they are out CHEATING they are RISKING YOUR LIFE.

    I have heard statistics on the high rate of STDs of many of the younger people in our society today (age 15-35) and something like 90% are HPV+ and as one blogger pointed out, condoms don’t do diddly to prevent this, and HPV not only causes cervical cancer, but I know of a young child who got it in his vocal cords at birth and has to go about ever six weeks to have the nodules cut off his vocal cords. If it had gotten into his lungs he would already be DEAD. As it is, he will never be able to speak, though the physicians say that at puberty he will probably not have to have the surgery any more. (This child was adopted from his birth parents, who are BOTH personality disordered and 3 of his 4 grandparents are as well. Two are also bi-polar, as is his father.)

    Talk about “piss-poor-protoplasm,” this poor kid doesn’t have a snow ball’s chance in hell.

    As a percentage of the earth’s population, it seems logical to me that the Ps are producing the most children, and if only 25% of those children “follow” and become Ps themselves, then the percentage of the general population would “bloom” and increase. Scary thoughts, all.



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  5. chrissie says:

    Peregrine – thank you. Thank you for writing in such depth – and with such accuracy about a situation that only those of us who have been used and abused by sociopaths can really understand. I’m at one of those ‘weary’ stages at the moment – I am sure you know how it is – sometimes you can rise above the situation, see it for what it is and can remain determined and strong. But today I am weary of the thought of it all. But thankyou Peregrine, thank you very much. Chrissie (UK)



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  6. Pentheo says:

    Peggy Whoever & The Rest of You!
    Hi!
    I am new to this blog….but….I have been reading and applying what I have read and heard into my own personal life….I guess I could start out with a long description of the pain I endured with a S…but why? Your stories leave me with little to share that would be of any consequence. I got out after only a year…but what a year of HELL! I knew if I didn’t leave when I did, I would surely die….I spent the last 3 days in bed and couldn’t eat or get up to shower…that is how depressed I became…..why? I guess bein a widow you aren’t prepared for these types….you just assume that a good marriage to a man that loved you unconditionally would find its way into another relationship… you aren’t looking for “red flags”……I now know, that I was the best target for this type of personality and although I feel victimized, I take responsibility for bein naive! I am not a bullseye anymore…but I still have tendencies…..how to overcome them, I’m not sure, but I am goin to rest my case in the arms of those of you better experienced and knowledgeable and hope that somewhere, someday I can find that strength to live my life without having to live someone else’s for them! thank you all!!

    P~



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  7. Matt says:

    OxDrover:

    The flight steward has been disproven. Based on research on the mutations of the virus, they realize it jumped from animals to man in Central Africa a then travelled downstream.

    Some states do have statutes prosecuting those individuals who know they are HIV+ and knowingly expose their partners to the virus. Unfortunately, those statutes aren’t enforced nearly often enough.



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  8. OxDrover says:

    Matt, thanks for correcting me on this “urban myth,” but you know, even if it isn’t true, it is still a GOOD ILLUSTRATION of the psychopathic way of thinking–“I’m gonna die, so I’ll take as many with me as I can.” I think that seems to be the way that Dodged’s X seems to think. What a piece of chit he is!!!!!!

    I agree that the statute should be enforced like they did with Typhoid Mary who wouldn’t quit working in food service and kept spreading her disease. If you have TB and you won’t get treated they MAKE YOU get treated or confine you, I think they should do the same thing with people who knowingly spread the HIV virus—confine them where they can’t harm anyone else if they won’t quit unknowingly exposing others.

    Another thing that chaps my butt—if you have TB or if you have several sexually transmitted diseases, I AM REQUIRED BY LAW TO TELL THE DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND YOUR SPOUSE….if you have HIV, I AM PROHIBITED FROM TELLING YOUR SPOUSE OR OTHER SEXUAL PARTNERS. DUH??? This makes sense HOW? Why is HIV+ “special?” in this regard.

    How about the “husband” who goes on a convention, gets a whore, gets HIV+, takes it home to his wife and unborn kids? I think he sould be prosecuted for manslaughter. Or the P BF or GF that passes it on by having serial cheating relationships.

    Sex today is like playing “Russian Roulette” with one or more cylinders loaded, even if you think you are in a one/one relationship. It has always been “risky” but is more so today with so many sexual partners being “accepted” by society. Thanks, I guess, to the “free love” generation of the 60s. (my generation).



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