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By December 24, 2008 32 Comments Read More →

Overcoming Evil, Tragedy and Fear

Editor’s note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud’s statement on Spiritual Recovery.

It’s Christmas Eve and I am full of gratitude today. I witnessed evil first hand as my father, a sociopath, murdered at least four (4) people and destroyed countless lives. It almost doesn’t make sense that I could be so happy and peaceful today, but it is a fact for me. I do not ask or need others to believe what I believe; I only share my personal experience.

It is Faith that changed my life. I came to a place, a way of thinking, that was just too painful to live with so I made a decision to try something different. I prayed for help, for truth and understanding.

It took me years of physical illnesses and drug and alcohol abuse to finally believe that maybe there was a power greater than me after all, so I asked for help. I was told that Faith was the opposite of Fear and I was tired of living in fear so I tried it. I just didn’t see a down side to trying this Faith thing. I asked for protection and I received it. Now I know that Fear and Faith cannot be practiced at the same time. These are miracles that happened in my life.

It wasn’t easy. My father was my original higher power and he taught me that faith in God was a weakness. Now I know different. It takes great courage to have faith when faced with circumstances that come from being the victim of a sociopath. All I could see was evil.

Today I am married with a beautiful thirteen year old daughter. My family is happy, peaceful, loving and caring. We are involved in community service, feed the homeless and give back as a family.

It all began to change with a simple prayer that had a glimmer of hope. The rest came from a power greater than me. I am grateful for all of you that have commented on my story and thank you for helping me. That is what lovefraud does…it provides a place where people can share their experiences and help each other heal. It turns Fear into Faith. Now that’s a Miracle. Peace to all of you and Merry Christmas.



32 Comments on "Overcoming Evil, Tragedy and Fear"

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  1. sstiles54 says:

    Thanks OxD & Elizabeth! I wrote the books/authors down, so when I go out looking today, I’ll know what to browse for. Hey Oxi-I suffer from CRS, too! LOL
    I think I made some small steps towards “jumpin’ back in the saddle”. After I got the tree & decorations down & put away, I decided I needed to do something to make my duplex look more like me. I went out to KMart, got a small lamp, one of those “cheapie” tables you put a table cloth & glass top on, moved the few pieces of furniture I still own around a bit, & hung up some family pictures I had never even unpacked since moving here almost 2 years ago. I ordered a slip cover for my decrepit old couch, too. Of course, all this means I’ll be livin’ on PB & J sandwiches for the next month, but it sure made me feel better. ..a trip to the library, a good new book to read, I should be able to get past the roaring silence the house is since it’s just me & the dogs again.

  2. OxDrover says:

    GOOD FOR YOU Stiles!!! Great.

    After reading your post, I took down the tree and decorations as well, it is time. Our tradition here is to leave them up until at least January 2. (that is for “good luck in the new year”)

    Then went outside and ran into some neighbors who had bought a horse from my renter, got to talking to them, and found out that their father is a great friend of mine, and used to work for me some here on the farm, so had an “old home week.” Weather is overcast but still warm enough to be comfortable outside, so am back out there to see a little bit of natural light at least!

  3. dee says:

    I need to thank ALL of the people here who write the articles and who post replies! There are too many to name, but each one of you in some way or another have helped me to come to terms with what happened in my life due to the N/P/S as I cannot really state his diagnosis, but know he was toxic.

    On this New Years for the first time in many many years, I am peaceful, joyous, and hopeful, even though I spent it alone without anything particularly special. But, this alone was so much different to the years I spent it alone waiting, hoping, and anguishing because he didn’t phone or even seem to think of me at all, or the times he was with me and I spent the entire time walking on eggshells that I might say to do something that would set him off somehow, or waiting for him to actually pay some real attention to me or us.

    I’m sure each of you know and understand these events and circumstances where when together you’re excited, but tense, and if not you’re wondering what you did that he doesn’t seem to even think of you on a special day.

    I spent about 10 years with this person. Thankfully, we never lived together, although I spent a lot of time at his house, but it was more of a distance relationship whether I lived down the street or across the border. It took me years to realize that the destruction of my self esteem and confidence was systematic on his part. The blame was always mine, I was too emotional, neurotic, etc. He even sent me to see a therapist, and I didn’t at the time connect to the therapist when he asked me why I was with this guy. Its almost funny now, if it were not so sad, but I used to ask him if he had hypnotized me. There were lots and lots of instances of his lying, or telling half truths, blame making, and even two physical attacks, one of which he managed to convince me that I caused. The second after he battered me and sat on me beating my face and when he got up to leave I followed with a baseball bat and connected with his shoulder as after the first time I said you better make sure I’m down for the count or I will come after you. Anyway, after I had gone to the hospital to be sure my jaw wasn’t broken, he phoned the next day to tell me that I should be aware that he could lay a charge against me for hitting him with the baseball bat. No apologies, no concern for my condition, only the fear making manipulations. I laugh now sadly when I remember how quickly he got off the phone after I told him that I had already been to the hospital.

    Yet, even after all of that and lots of other stuff, he managed to get back into my life. It was always his ability to use pity plays, or excuses, or how hard his life was and how much he needed my help to wiggle back into my life. Always, he would state that the things he had done to hurt me or disturb our relationship were in direct relation to something I had done. Of course, these were not stated in an obvious way, but done in a way where my natural instinct for self analysis, fairness, justice, integrity, and need to please, or approval would come into play and I would allow it to begin again. Always to find that sooner usually, rather than later, the same behaviors would begin again.

    Last year at this time I was recovering from a dis associative experience wherein I woke to find I had cut my wrist. Although, I cannot directly relate this experience to the ex, in a way due to my inability to recognize the damage he had done, the habits I had gotten into with him, my own lack of recognition of the patterns I had learned in childhood, etc. lead me into a vulnerable position with 2 workplace bullies who use many of the same tactics of the ex, and played upon my same vulnerabilities that finally set off the dis associative event. Thankfully, I had a great therapist, this website, and others, and a lot of posts and replies here to help me sort through the maze of my anguish, anxiety, depression, PTSD, the patterns I had learned as a child, and a lot of other factors that got me through to a place where I am this New Years. A place of hope for the future, contentment within myself, learning boundaries and setting them, loss of the fear of being alone, lots and lots of learning and growth. Although, I still struggle at times with the financial losses I suffered due to the ex and my own health issues at work many resulting from the workplace bullies and my physical reactions, etc. But, the one I still have the most difficulty with is the sense or need at times for karmic justice. And even with this all of you here have been of invaluable service and support.

    So, once again may I say that all of you here, and this site has been heaven sent and I will be forever grateful that each of you has been willing to expose your own stories, your insights, your education, skills, and most of all your understanding because without these I may never have found my way to where I am now, nor my future.

    Blessed be all of you!

    dee

  4. Indigoblue says:

    Dee
    May The Peace of The Lord always be with you ! LOVE JJ

  5. sstiles54 says:

    Dee,
    I can definitely echo your sentiments. The damage done to our self esteem are devistating, long lasting, deep deep wounds that take a long time to recover from. I know I am still recovering, some days it’s harder than others. I am eternally grateful to this site, & all the loving people who post here. It took me almost a year of reading here, to finally get up the nerve to post. It felt like I was saying, “Hey everybody! Look how stupid I was! Can you believe I actually put up with this for 10 years? I must be the idiot some village somewhere is looking for.” What I found here was compassion, understanding, love, & some of the pieces of me I thought were forever lost. I know I am a life long member of this site, to read, share, & most important of all LEARN.

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