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When Mom or her partner is a sociopath

It seems obvious that sociopaths make lousy parents and step parents. But the courts have not always seen it that way. One father trying to protect his daughter from a sociopathic mother was asked by a mental health professional, “So she’s a liar does that make her a bad mother?” Furthermore, the texbook I use to teach forensic psychology says that professionals who evaluate parents in custody disputes “should avoid diagnostic labels” and “accentate the postitives.”

There seems to be a lack of clarity as to what makes an adequate parent, a good parent and a bad parent. The court also does not recognize that the biologic children of sociopaths may have special developmental needs if they have inhereted genes that predispose them to sociopathy, addiction and ADHD. So why should evaluators avoid diagnostic labels and accentuate the positives, I really want to know.

I have come to the conclusion that the only people who are in the position to help change the system are adults whose parents and step parents are sociopaths. These adults know what it is like to grow up with a sociopath.

I spoke with a woman in her 30’s last night. She is just coming to the realization that her mother is a sociopath. She told me that for many years, she blamed herself. The woman said of her mother, “She was the queen of manipulation. She knew how to turn things around and make me feel like I did something wrong.” Sociopaths make psychological mince meat of the adults in their lives, how are children supposed to deal with them?

There is a recent news story out of the UK I would like you to consider. The story illustrates the fact that behind most every fraud there are children. The children are always affected even if they are not drawn in.

Mohammed Rashid is a garage owner in the UK who is accused of large scale insurance fraud. He allegedly faked accidents and filed bogus insurance claims.

According to an article in the Telegraph and Argus, ” Porsche-driving Rashid, known as Mojo, was appointed a state-registered accident claims manager, prosecutor Andrew Kershaw said. He operated from his body repair garage, Autotransform in Spearhead Way, Keighley.”

Mojo had a lady friend, “In the dock with Rashid is Sarah Lowther, 37, of Bradford Road, Keighley, described in court as his partner.” The most disturbing part of the story is that Sarah and Mojo are accused of drawing her three children into the scam. “Mr Kershaw has alleged that she allowed her three children to be schooled into telling a pack of lies about fictitious injuries to a doctor as part of the scam.”

Mojo’s fraud ring also involved other adults, four of whom have already pled guilty.

Now, I don’t know the degree of sociopathy present in Sarah and Mojo, however, the fact is that three children have been drawn into this mess.

I am collecting and documenting stories like this in order to help future parents involved in custody disputes. If you have information about the case of Mojo and Sarah or any other similar case please email me. If you are the adult child of a sociopath we want to hear your story. All information you give us is kept private.

If you are a mother or father whose choice of a sociopath as a step parent for your child was a mistake, forgive yourself. Work hard at healing so you can be the best parent you can be. You can regain the respect of your children and others if you acknowledge your mistakes and make a new life for yourself.



92 Comments on "When Mom or her partner is a sociopath"

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  1. ElizabethBennett says:

    Survivortx-wow, you really are a suvivor. Your egg donor really does sound like the mother in Sybil. Thank GOD for your grandma and the “aunt” and the caseworker for taking you away. You definitely need to be here at LF-welcome but I’m so sorry for why you ended up here. My N egg donor was nothing near as bad as yours.

    You will learn a lot more here and get a lot of support from some really great people. There are so many great articles here to read and learn from and it will help you stay far away from THOSE PEOPLE in the future.



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  2. KatyDid says:

    Suriviortx – I am so relieved to know that you can see the dif between the crazyness of your mom and the way decent people behave. I don’t know how you started with other people raising you b/f your mom got custody of you but I think it YOUR miracle. As much a nightmare as your time was with your mom, can you imagine what would have happened if you were a toddler and enduring such crazyness? You are someone to be SOOOoo PROUD of and I hope you continue your path in life being able to identify SHITE as shite.

    You have already concluded the correct decision, that the only thing to do with these kind of people is to get AWAY. That is the ONLY solution. That makes you WAY ahead of most people in this world.

    While I knew to get away from my family, it took years for me to understand the same applied to my spath husband. DON’T ever set aside your good sense if you ever find yourself in relationship with an spath partner. They start with covert abuse so it’s quite sneaky, not as clearcut as your mom, but just as damaging.

    In admiration and respect,
    Katy



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