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Welcome to Lovefraud Land

By Peggywhoever

Welcome to Lovefraud Land! Again, welcome. Cyber handshake.. (Smile).

This is not a vacation location. But it is a destination. You can find your path to healing here.

Tell me, you Googled the word “Sociopath.” You have just ended a most painful relationship. Or rather, THEY ended the relationship. And you are left as an emotional shipwreck.

See how many adjectives apply. Hurt. Betrayed. Confused. Damaged. State of Disbelief. Questioning them. Questioning you. Questioning everyone. Questioning everything. Why? Why? Why? What is going on here?

You have come to the right place. Having come out of the most bizarre, twisted and contorted relationship of your life as though you were an emotional contortionist, you will find answers. And peace.

You have been abused, perhaps for the first time, and perhaps you have a lifetime of abuse. You are in pain. You can barely function. It is difficult to get out of bed in the morning. You feel frozen. You can barely make the effort to eat. Sound familiar? You are sick…emotionally sick, physically sick, sick to the core of your psyche.

Being in a relationship with a Sociopath takes everything you hold dear…your values, your code of ethics, your trust in love, honor, and commitment and turns them upside down. And then they are stomped on. Your body is on alert, you may have feelings of depression, anxiety, paranoia, as well as PTSD symptoms. You can barely function at your job… Your friends and family are tired of hearing your story. Nobody understands. Nobody listens. You feel that nobody cares.

Well, at Lovefraud Land, we DO care. You have friends now. New friends. People who have walked in your shoes. You have friends who will listen, REALLY listen to you and help advise you. Free counseling. Not necessarily from licensed professionals, but people who are seasoned and licensed in the game of life.

Because, to a sociopath it is a game. A one-sided game. They win, you lose. They are the victims. Always. You can never play the game right. The rules change as soon as you figure it out.

You are never enough. Were never enough. You were not bright enough, handsome/pretty enough, clever and witty enough, attractive enough, enough, ENOUGH!

It is not about you. It was never about you. It is about them. Everything, EVERYTHING about a Sociopath revolves around them. Always has, always will.

YOU WERE ALWAYS ENOUGH.

What is about you is your … well, YOUNESS! Your uniqueness. You were chosen, targeted even by a sociopath for your intrinsic goodness. Your loving heart, compassionate nature, blind trust, and helpfulness were strong factors in them choosing you as a victim.

You cannot change a sociopath. Ever. You cannot fix them. The best thing you can do is STAY AWAY FROM THEM. Always. Forever. This is known at Lovefraud Land as NC (No contact).. That means no face-to-face contact, no telephone conversations, no e-mail, no text messaging, NOTHING. Because any contact with them will only bring you pain.

Oh, and the obsessing. Thinking of them night and day. Day and night. Over and over and over until you feel like you are watching the same video in your head. And the ruminating (another Lovefraud word) … which relates to the obsessing and constantly thinking “what if” or how much you love and miss them and how wonderful they were and “what if” you had only done this or that?

Well, nothing, NOTHING you could have done would have changed anything. Or fixed anything. You are left with…you. And you will learn to understand yourself, and love yourself, and appreciate yourself in a way you never have before.

It is a journey, this seeking the answers, this journey of understanding, a journey torward physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Your new friends will walk with you and hold your hand.

Welcome. Welcome to Lovefraud Land. Cyber handshake. (Smile).

Peace
Peggywhoever



336 Comments on "Welcome to Lovefraud Land"

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  1. amber says:

    Oh sweetie..I’m so sorry. You’re story is just like mine…and my story is just like everyone else’s here. You ARE involved with a S/P/N. Whatever it is he actually is…it doesn’t really matter. He shows every single sign and has put you in the same position as the rest of us. You clearly think that there is something wrong, otherwise you wouldn’t be here. You said that you have been reading posts for about a year…so you know my next statement is going to be…. NO CONTACT! I’m sorry to have to be so blunt, but sweetie, I PROMISE..It’s the only way you’re going to regain control of your life. This is the part of the process where you learn to accept that he is what he is and NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE IT! I too, thought that if I loved him enough, it would prove to him that his life was worth changing. He will tell you all the lies you want to hear to keep you around. And it seems like you have been ignoring the red flags, but listen…if he’s physically harming you..ie sexually controlling and putting his hands around your throat…what are you waiting around for??? Do you want him to really lose his mind one day and not be able to control himself and do REAL damage??? Hasn’t he done enough?? As long as you are with him, or keep any contact… YOU WILL SUFFER. You need to get out of this relationship immediately. They don’t have remorse, they can’t love, they don’t feel…he’s openly cheating on you..verbally abusive..and controlling. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE..for your own safety, sanity and well being..you need to get away and no matter how hard it is.. make no contact. You need to start the healing process and it’s a scary thing to do. You’re going to have to look deep into yourself to see why it is that you don’t think that you deserve better??? YOU DO!! NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TREATED THIS WAY. He will lie, cheat, manipulate and take advantage of your kind heart and spirit the same way my S did..the same way everyone else’s S/P/N on this site did. I totally understand what you’re going through. You story sounds very similar to mine. NO YOU ARE NOT CRAZY. What’s wrong?? HE’S WRONG. And yes, it is possible for people to be like this. All of us on LF are living proof that people like this do exist, but it is possible to survive and move on. It’s not going to be easy, but you need to cut your losses and start living your life for you. We’re here for you. You’re taking the right steps. You just need to STAY STONG in your NC. It’s really going to be your saving grace. And anytime you think of contacting him…come here..say what you need to say…scream..cry…do whatever you need to do. We understand..we will not judge. I’m so sorry to hear your pain and your struggle, but you’ve taken the first step..educating yourself, joining this site..your future and you happiness depend on YOU now. He will NEVER change..accept it..and do whatever it takes to keep him away from you. I hope this helps. I wish you all the best of luck..and continue to post. I can’t tell you how helpful it’s been for me. My prayers and thoughts are with you. HUGS!!



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  2. shabbychic says:

    Irrational, hello out there! amber is right, everyone at LF will be here for you. As Oxy would tell you… knowledge is power, keep posting and reading!!



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  3. persephone7 says:

    Irrational:
    Good to see you found this site, welcome. Trust the your very rational self that you came here and that you know this guy is not good, but very BAD for you, no matter what label
    you put on him. I’m very sad about it, but it’s taken 7 years for me to really get the profile straight, and to see all the way I’ve just fed into it continuing and continuing and reading
    back over this week – journals that chronicled disappointment after disappointment. And the main reason I stayed or kept giving it a chance is because as you mentioned ‘he can
    act like he loves me and can be fun and seem generous.’ You are not crazy, the situation with someone you’ve described would make anyone crazy – you will FLAME OUT if you
    keep on with him.

    Thanks JAH for website you recommended, I spent awhile tonight reading some of those articles, really good. Check out the Baggagereclaim site JAH put the link to just a few posts
    ago. Good luck, keep writing, keep coming back – everyone is so supportive here!



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