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After the sociopath is gone: Hear me roar

It has been five years since the sociopath was arrested and I was set free. Five years of growth, of change, of healing.

Five years of pain and sorrow leading the way to laughter and joy, abundance and gratitude.

Five years after the ending of that debacle, I am grateful that I no longer have to think about him, or worry about him, or do things because of him, or even for him.

Five years of growing into doing for me. Living for me. Turning up for me without fear.

What a difference time makes.

As I look back to those days when my life was narrowly defined by what he wanted, he said, he needed, he dictated, I am in awe of how far I’ve come, by how much has changed.

I am in awe.

Of who I have become, who I am, how I’ve changed.

In these five years I have found my voice and claimed my right to use it proudly. Sure, I had a voice before the sociopath rode in. And, I had a voice while with him. Even before him however, I never truly knew how to use my voice. I never truly knew the unique qualities of my voice.

When I met him, he told me how sweet my voice sounded. I believed him and asked him to tell me more. And he did. Beautiful, round, plump words of affirmation that seduced me with the sound of his voice echoing my words. And then, time moved on and his words became bitter and harsh. The sound of my voice irritated him and frightened me. I grew silent. Afraid. Lost. In my silence, I lost my ability to speak up, to voice my feelings, my thoughts, my ideas. I lost my ability to recognize my very own unique voice.

Five years since the moment of his arrest, I have found my voice again.

Hear me roar.

My voice is no longer a dulcet tone sweetly singing a serenade befitting his promises of love everlasting. Of gentle words calling out for his love undying, his love forever more. My voice is no longer a plaintive ode running away from the truth of his deceit and my betrayal ringing loud and clear through every note.

Today, my voice is a mighty roar. It is power. It is strength. It is courage. It is my truth spoken in love because I have the courage to stand up for me and speak without fear of ever being judged unlovable, unwanted, unworthy.

I am worthy.

Today, my voice is a song of freedom. Pure. Clear. Powerful. My voice carries. It carries me through tough times, hard times, over rocky ground and inclement weather.

My voice is strong. My voice is the sound of me standing up for what I believe in, what I desire, what I deserve. My voice is speaking up for me and speaking out against that which I cannot stand up for without fearing ridicule or dissension. With my voice I know, disagreement does not equal rejection. With my truth spoken clearly, I no longer reject my voice or allow it to be turned off by someone else’s assertions that they hold the only truth I need to hear.

My voice is fearless. My voice is caring. My voice is loving. My voice is unique.

Long ago I lost my voice beneath the sadness of loving a man whom I did not deserve. Long ago, I buried my voice beneath the sorrow of loving a man who was untrue.

No more.

Today, I claim my right to speak up. To be heard. To be counted on and counted in. Today, I let go of searching for meaning in someone else’s words because I know my own truth. When I speak for who I am and what I believe in, I am free to live in love with all of me. Fearlessly. Effortlessly. With grace and ease.

Once upon a time, I lost my voice. Today, I speak up, passionately, courageously, fearlessly. In having moved away from those days of loathing the sound of my own voice, I know what was can never be because what was with him was only fantasy.

Today, I step fearlessly into the truth. My voice is unique. Hear me roar.

And in my voice, I invite you to claim your truth as well. Your voice is unique. Let it roar.



33 Comments on "After the sociopath is gone: Hear me roar"

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  1. skylar says:

    ———–trying to get the posts to show up. The blog is buggy this morning.



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  2. panther says:

    Hi Ox. Actually, it was “one a day” minimum. I usually read 5-10 per day, but on occasion I miss day or two because I’m more wrapped up in the comments section talking to people. A couple times I got busy with work.

    But I think 1 per day should be the bare minimum, I meant.

    Yes, I intend to finish the entire blog and then keep up with reading as new ones arrive.



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  3. Ox Drover says:

    Panther I have tried to read EVERY article on here at least once, and did it systematically…but every once in a while someone will dig up and repost on the recent list one of the old ones I have not seen. The very old articles I think are particularly good and I can’t say I have seen any that aren’t good here at all, but some are 12s on a scale of 1-10. LOL



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  4. panther says:

    Yes, it’s even a bit fun for me, too, like a lottery. I just pull one up and see what I get. More often than not, I am shook to my core. It doesn’t get less potent with time. These articles all hit home and are so beautifully written. I agree, some are 12s, and the rest are around 10.

    Another thing I like about my “one a day” rule is that I am hitting this problem from many angles, rather than just reading all about how to forget about person x or about what a sociopath is like. There is such a colorful assortment that I end up targeting a very specific detail and then that is my little “project” for the day to work on.

    This article was my project RAWR! 🙂 Yesterday, it was your article, so my day was project “feel the pain after being numb for so long.” It’s like I’m carving my way out of this, one chip at a time.

    By the way, it’s very late over here. I’m going to sleep. See you all in the (my) morning.

    Panther



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  5. Ox Drover says:

    Panther,

    Yea, for a long time I would work on one aspect of myself at a time until I sort of mastered that aspect enough to at least be semi-effective in it. Like “Setting boundaries” was a BIG step. I remember about 3 years ago When I caught a “friend” stealing from me.

    Now first off let me say, I had CAUGHT her stealing several years before this, though she denied it. Then time went by and I played a game of “we’ll just pretend I never caught you stealing from me in the past” so I actually let her and her husband move out here on my farm and park their Motor home and live here….well, we know how that worked out don’t we? LOL

    One night after I had returned here to the farm after the Trojan Horse Psychopath and my DIL had gone to jail, I was still staying in my Own RV parked out by the aircraft hangar because I had some cleaning and stuff to do to the house before I moved back in as it had been sitting empty for months and months….and my food freezer is in the aircraft hangar, and my dog heard something so I got up out of bed and CAUGHT my “friend” sneaking out of the hangar with her week’s supply of meat and veggies out of my food freezer.

    Now, first off if she had ASKED I would have GIVEN her all she wanted, but she didn’t ask, she STOLE—in the glare of my flash light she made some lame excuse about “borrowing” stuff and I went back inside and cried myself to sleep. I was AFRAID I WOULD EMBARRASS her!!!!!!

    The next day I talked to my son, and I LOCKED THE FREEZER, but I didn’t say a word to her about the previous night I pretended it never happened. Over the next few days I cried and I felt horrible. Then I finally decided I had to set some limits and make some boundaries. I started to set some boundaries on things that they were doing that were pushy, shovey, and inconsiderate.

    This didn’t improve the situation, so I finally decided they had to go. So one day I screwed up my courage and I went to their motor home and just told them “This isn’t working, you are going to have to go live somewhere else.” I was surprised that they didn’t ASK WHY!

    I also, once they were gone, instructed them that they should CALL BEFORE coming out to the farm rather than just show up unannounced….but that didn’t stop her, so after catching her trying to show up when she thought I would be GONE, I told her “next time please call 24 hours in advance before you come, not 5 minutes before you show up,” I never saw her again.

    They have also smeared us to every mutal friend we had, bad mouthed us, and done their best to give us grief, out of their jealousy of the fact that their own life style has lead to their poverty and problems…including drug addiction, debt, etc.

    The couple has since separated after 25+ years of marriage, but they are still both riding the “poor me” train and trying to play the pity party game, and make us look to be the ones who abused them by “tossing them out into the street.” Of course they abused the next person who took them in out of pity as well, so nothing is new in their lives, just the story has changed again.

    Learning to set boundaries for how I ALLOW others to treat me has been a long road….but I worked on that a few steps at a time…a few incidents at a time, and reading and learning about boundaries. Then I would move on to the next “self help” or “self improvement” project and work on that a while, then go back and practice more on boundary setting as the need occured. Just like a kid learning the alphabet to start with, then phonics and reading a few words, then learning the multiplication facts, and new ways of working problems, each thing we learn allows us to be one step up on the next thing we learn, but you have to get the basics down first on each thing. You can’t do long division until you have learned to multiply. You can’t multiply until you can add. You can’t add until you learn to count.

    So one step at a time, one project at a time….and we keep on learning as long as we live, either that or we stagnate and die.



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  6. panther says:

    Hi Oxy,

    Thanks for that story. I think the fact that they didn’t even ask why was the big clue. It is really astounding how vastly different people’s realities can be. For those people who hurt you, they probably think they really are right. It makes one wonder if we are all aliens from different planets and that some people are from similar planets as each other. I am from the planet “thank you for your help” not planet “stab you in the back” but I am sure those people would interpret this whole situation in their favor. Makes me just want to say, “WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM?” On which planet is STEALING from someone who is helping you ever okay? I’m totally lost on that one.

    Thank you for this, though, because today you reminded me that I need to get better at setting and enforcing boundaries. I have noticed that setting the boundaries isn’t the hard part for me. I have no problem telling someone where I stand or letting someone know when they’re getting close to crossing my boundaries. The part I have trouble with is holding my ground when they astound me by blasting right past my warning anyways. I think it’s due to shock. If someone told me, “Please, don’t bring up topic A again. It really makes me uncomfortable,” I wouldn’t bring up topic A again! Or if someone said that they don’t like smoking in their house, I’d never light up in their house (I don’t smoke. This is just an example). I’m really having to get used to the fact that many people don’t give a rat’s rear end about boundaries of others and have very little respect for other people in general. Which is a red flag!

    Oxy, I’m learning to count. I’m pretty good at math. Maybe that will help 🙂



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