lovefraud2
lovefraud2
By March 26, 2008 Read More →

“He is the lie, from hello to good-bye”

Donna Anderson’s important latest post reminds me that one topic which will never be worn out is that of the psychopath’s lies and their impact on others.

This week I want to very briefly introduce yet another take on this inexhaustible topic. Everyone lies, but there’s something else at stake in the case of the psychopath’s lies.

To illustrate: you might say about any regular (non-psychopathic) person, “Things would be better if s/he was to lie less often. Her/his soul or psyche would be healthier as would her relationships.” That’s true. Now try this on for size and notice how wrong it seems: “Things would be better if the psychopath was to lie less often. His soul or psyche would be healthier as would his relationships.”

Weirdly, this is patently not the case. The psychopath will be just as sick/evil no matter how many or how few lies he tells. It’s not a quantitative but a qualitative matter.

It is commonly said that a defining characteristic of psychopaths is that they are pathological liars. This is right if you mean that they are profoundly dishonest and not to be trusted. It does not mean, though, that psychopaths lie a lot. They do lie a lot and those lies cause havoc. But as I hope my illustration above shows, lying less will not make them better people.

So, how does this work? The thing about psychopaths is that even their truths are lies! Or rather, whether or not they happen to be telling the truth or a lie at any particular moment is not what makes them psychopathic. What makes them psychopathic is that they use and destroy people; truth or lies are for them just so many weapons for pursuing their prey.

M.L. Gallagher said a lot when she wrote this:

He is the lie….

From hello to good-bye. I love you to I hate you. You’re beautiful to you’re ugly.
It was all a lie….

When friends or my family ask, but what about this, or what about that, I tell them. It was all a lie. There was no truth in him.

If I spend my time trying to figure out fact from fiction, all I am doing is trying to prove — I wasn’t so stupid. See, this was true. That’s why I fell in love with him.

Truth is. I fell in love with him because I believed his lie.

When I discovered the truth, I was so enmeshed in his lie, I couldn’t find the truth in me. And so I sank.

email
www.lovefraud.com


1,227 Comments on "“He is the lie, from hello to good-bye”"

Trackback | Comments RSS Feed

  1. skylar says:

    gee if only the spathinator was here. She’d boink you all and make you kiss and make up.

    Hey ((Super Chic))!!
    That is the freakiest twilight zone episode EVER!! It’s about a spath!! The evil character is portrayed as a kid who has the power to change reality. That’s code for SPATH!

    None of us can know what it’s like to be in Near’s position unless we are in his position. (excuse my reference to you in the third person, Near)
    I do know what it’s like to not be able to sleep since I was 1 year old. My problem is that I’ve been surrounded by spaths and instinctively knew it. I was afraid 24/7 as a kid. Petrified all the time, up til age 11 or 12. Then I decided not to be scared anymore, but I still couldn’t sleep well. Life with spath at age 17, made it worse, but I didn’t know that was the cause. Ambien was more detrimental to my memory than Lunesta so physiologically, Near, you and I are different. Melatonin did not work AT ALL UNTIL I LEFT THE SPATHS IN MY LIFE. Now melatonin works, but I’m preferring Benedryl since I have allergies as well.

    I switch around and take different things since I quickly develop tolerances to all of them, so it’s important to keep rotating them. No more wine though, it makes me fat – I prefer Patron. Magnesium is GREAT for muscle aches and relaxation.

    One question Near: do you work out your upper body? Exercise can be very helpful for sleep and to keep the circulation going, so tension doesn’t build up.

  2. Near says:

    Skylar: I do all my own moving, but I am not allowed to do heavy lifting because of some old surgeries. I’m like 80 pounds too. So try not to murder me with weights!! ^_^

  3. super chic says:

    skylar, yeah! I love that episode! Spath all the way! :D

Wordpress SEO Plugin by SEOPressor