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My sister is a sociopath

This is a true story told to me by one of my University students. Marisol describes life with her sister, a sociopath:

My stepfather sexually molested me when I was eight. My sister who was nine, was also molested; I know because I saw him go to her. We never talked about what happened. When she was 20, I asked her and she denied it then admitted it happened to her when I said I saw him. My father was shot and killed when we were very young. He used drugs and had a bad temper, so someone shot him. My sister was always wild when we were growing up. We fought a lot and there wasn’t much affection in my family.

My sister has been sexually promiscuous since her teen years. I never had any friends because if she would find out that I had a friend, she would have sex with that friend’s boyfriend. My mother would say I had to stick up for my sister. But, my sister has sex with nearly every man she knows. When she sees a married couple, she wants what they have, so she sleeps with the husband. When he leaves his wife to be with her, she grows tired and drops him. My sister has been with all kinds of men, black, white and Puerto Rican. She becomes whatever that man is. When she’s with a black, she acts black. She’s white when she’s with a white guy. I don’t think my sister ever uses protection when she has sex, look she had a baby a year ago. I don’t know how she can do this to herself…all those men. According to a friend of mine, the men in the barbershop even talk about my sister. They have all had sex with her and think she’s good.

I left home when I was 16 because my sister convinced me that my mother didn’t want me. She often told me that my mother didn’t like me. My sister told me a lot of things my mother didn’t really say. My sister has two children that I worry about, especially her son who is seven. She switches men every few months, each time there is a new guy she says to her son, “This is your father.” Then when she gets tired of the guy, she gets rid of him and her son never sees the man again. She left her son’s father when he was in jail. Her son’s father has 8 kids and he only cares for two of them. My nephew has problems and my sister just ignores him. She is into her baby now. The baby girl is one. I don’t think she knows who the baby’s father is.

My sister spends all her money on the men in her life, while her children go without clothes and doctor visits. She never pays any of her bills. She has furniture from Rent a Center, she never paid then moved away with the furniture. She doesn’t feel she should have to pay any of her bills. She has a job. She keeps it because she lies to her boss and makes her feel sorry for her. She tells everyone that she is a single mother and that she has no family. She is a single mother, but we want to help her. My sister is not sorry for any of the bad things she has done. Instead, she lies to cover things up. It seems she believes her own lies. I can’t believe how much my sister lies. She doesn’t tell the truth about anything. My sister is beautiful and very nice. I keep thinking she is a good person, then when I think about the way she treats my nephew, I get mad. She says she doesn’t want him, but she won’t give him to us. She wants to be in control.

I keep thinking that my sister acts this way because she was molested. My mother says she has always been wild and difficult. Even when my father was alive, she was oppositional. I remember she did everything he told her not to do. Although my sister does not steal from my mother, she takes advantage of her. If my mother has a boyfriend, my sister will call him behind my mother’s back, and ask him for favors, even if he and my mom aren’t that close. Although my sister doesn’t admit to having any problems, she blames my mother for everything. My mother never showed us any affection. In my culture we believe that holding babies will spoil them.

Discussion of this Case

I believe Marisol’s sister qualifies as a sociopath because she has a pervasive pattern of disregard for the rights of others that has been present since early childhood. She lies and is financially irresponsible. She is sexually promiscuous and has failed to care properly for her children. Her reported non-use of protection is evidence for her recklessness. Although there are no reports of physical fights, there is considerable relational aggression, which is more common in women. The presence of all these behaviors within the context of a life pattern of harming those who are closest to her defines her sociopathy.

My student’s story shows us the inability to love and power motivation of women who are high in sociopathic traits. She fails to bond with any of the men with whom she has relations. There is no compulsion to be with a specific special other; this compulsion is a necessary part of love. No one in her life is particularly special. She does get pleasure from affection and from babies. Unfortunately, her son at age seven is too old to be a source of pleasure and has been discarded. Her relationships are all about power and control. She uses both sex and money as tools for power and control. She doesn’t spend money on her children because this is caretaking. She instead spends money on men as a way of asserting power and control.

This case illustrates the many factors that create sociopathy. Poverty may have been an issue in this family. There is clearly a genetic, temperamental risk here. My student’s father was also a sociopath, and my student’s sister had all the temperamental traits at risk children have. The cultural practice of not showing warmth or affection greatly increases risk for some but not all children. My student asked me if I thought the molestation caused her sister’s problems. I think the molestation may have contributed to the sex addiction. My student asked me if there is any hope for her sister. I said that her sister would have to admit her sex addiction and her destructive patterns of behavior and work on change. My student replied, “She lies too much for that.”

You might be wondering about my student. Is she normal? She has the same genetics, the same mother and also was molested! My student illustrates the workings of the inner triangle. The inner triangle is ability to love, impulse control and moral reasoning. Marisol has had two long-term loving relationships with men. She also has a 10-year-old daughter whom she is very devoted to and cares for. So, unlike her sister, Marisol has ability to love. Marisol does have issues with impulse control. She has been arrested for fighting and states, “I have a very bad temper…I just explode… I have had to train myself not to do that…I don’t want to explode in front of my daughter.” By her own statements, Marisol demonstrates her moral reasoning ability. Impulse control can improve when a person is motivated to try. Love and morals provide this motivation. My student also has a desire to better herself. She is getting a bachelor’s degree because she wants to achieve and have a career her daughter will be proud of. She hopes her daughter’s life will be better and easier than hers has been.



36 Comments on "My sister is a sociopath"

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  1. Outlier says:

    This is the only page on the site that deals with this issues regarding sibling abuse. Quite frustrating.

    The below link is a word for word description of what I’m dealing with. The dysfunctional dynamics last an entire lifetime. It’s not the case of moving on and finding peace after the abuser leaves your life, as the legacy of being the target is complete alienation and a tarnished reputation. Not one punctuation is out of place in the article below.

    Whilst LF has served a great deal of insight and education and validationintothe psychopath mindset, there’s very little I’m finding in terms of the kind of abuse as described in Tim Field’s article.

    The two female sociopaths I know are not criminals, drunks with a history of money, living issues. They’re exceedingly financially comfortable and have a strong family unit of their own. They don’t abuse their partners, they rely on the healthy partner to create the facade they are good people. They disable any notion of “unity” in their target and ensure any bonds their targets previously had are quickly destroyed. Therefore theyuse their strong family unit as a mask, whereas their targets have none, which is a visible advantage they use. “Antisocials are known as being isolated, bullies don’t have friends, a social group etc.” No. They surround themselves with normal healthy socially strong groups of people. Their words and actions take place without witnesses, but they create a visible interpretation of their tactics by creating a strong sense of social unity around themselves, disbaling the one around their targets. It’s right in front of people but they don’t notice the pattern. They are powerful role models and do not steal. They are members of wine tatsing groups, so they don’t fit the drug/drink abusing profile. They attend cultural events, they particpate in mother-toddler groups, they arrange social workshops; they create a watertight facade of perfection in every aspect of their lives. They provoke in their targets anger; they ensure it is only expressed in front of an audience, in my case in her home with their spouse present. With such a strong facade anything I say will be dismissed and used as slander against the abusers.

    There seems to be a onging perception and experience that female sociopaths have a history of social problems. I’m reading time and again this description of LF. Female sociopaths are golden and don’t have a string of failed relations, jobs, money issues. They’re secure for life, they build a healthy world around them and they live perfect lives in perfect homes and perfect marriages and perfect children in perfect jobs.

    Oops, here’s that link – http://www.bullyonline.org/related/family.htm



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  2. OxDrover says:

    Dear Outlier,

    While there may not be a great deal of “sibling on sibling” articles here there are many articles and commentsw about family abuse.

    Actually, I’ve come to find out that what the RELATIONSHIP between sociopath and victim is doesn’t seem to matter a great deal, the dynamics are pretty much the same—control over another.

    The biggest “differences” seem to be when a victim is a CHILD it is tougher on the victim because they are not accorded the protection that every child deserves. If the abuser is a parent or a sibling (or BOTH) the victim cannot escape from the abuse. It’s bad enough when it is adult to adult abuse, but when it is adult or bigger child abuse of a smaller/younger child it is even worse I think.

    Many of us here have had abuse from multiple sources, and it is still abuse, and sets us up to experience abuse as “normal.” When we rebel against this treatment, when we start to break free, it is difficult but possible. The child doesn’t have that option to leave or rebel successfully. If we have been that child the scars can be very very deep. I am sorry that you have experienced this sibling on sibling abuse, compounded by abuse from your parent as well. The double whammy of hell!

    Keep on growing, learning, reading, and let your knowledge enable you to empower yourself! (((hugs)))) and God bless.



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  3. daisygirl says:

    Hello,
    I am new here as I have recently learned that my sister is a sociopath. It is amazing what comes out after the damage has been done. We did not live in the same state for 20 years…I had little communication with her; I always knew I didn’t like her, and she always had a strange rivalry with me.
    She became pregnant, single, and I began to support her emotionally and financially. When I think of the money I have given her, I cringe. I eventually moved her near my home, in my state. Gave her money monthly, paid for everything from food to clothing for her child, to medical bills, to gas in her car!
    On top of all of this, I also gave her a home (not mine, but one that is owned by me) rent free. When I saw the condition of my property, began to see some lies unfold, the way her child behaved, I told her she had to leave my property. I cut off financial support and distanced myself and family from her and her child.
    She came to my home while I had a family emergency, and stayed with my children. She was alone with them for 5 days. She then accused my son of molesting her daughter. She called DSS, they cleared my family and children of any harm. I spoke with the police, nothing came of all this. Needless to say, I have not been in contact with my sister. However, six months down the road, an overzealous local cop, new to this, decided to press charges on my child. We are now in a nightmare, but learning more and more.
    My sister has accused at least 5 people of molesting/raping/touching her. She has accused her child’s father of molesting her child (to numerous people). The amount of people giving her money is astounding. If I weren’t living in hell right now, I would be fascinated.
    My sister fits EVERY trait for a sociopath. She has been informally diagnosed by 3 separate professional who have come into contact with her.
    Finding this site is helpful, thank you.



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  4. OxDrover says:

    Dear Daisygirl,

    I am so very sorry you are having such a living hell-on-earth night mare! ((((hugs))))) Oh, yes, they are bitter and poison and tarnish anyone or anything that they come into contact with, especially family and those who have done things for them out of caring, concern and love.

    I keep you and your family in my prayers. This is a wonderful support site. Read through the archived articles here the knowledge will be of comfort to you in many ways and give you strength! God bless you, I’ll keep you in my prayers.



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  5. daisygirl says:

    Dear OxDover,
    Thank you very much. In trying to look at the bright side of this, with her being a sociopath she has left many a trail that is going to prove my son’s innocence.
    What is the deal with female sociopaths and sexual accusations? Over and over again we keep hearing the same things; then she leaves.



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  6. OxDrover says:

    Dear Daizy,

    I can’t even imagine the pain you must be going through until your son scrapes by this attack and comes out alive. I swear these creatures may lookj human but they are pure EVIL intentions. If they canh’t get what they want, then they want to ?DESTROY you and yours. Some how they FEED of of other people’s pain and agony.

    Read here, ALL 700+ of the old articles (only the last year are there by dates but the rest are there under the authors so start with the authors and read each one so you don’t miss a single one. The subject varies but I have no doubt that you will find many articles that make you go AH HA!!!!!!!

    Learning about the psychopath is important, but we also have to learn about ourselves and how to protect and heal ourselves. God bless you and your son!

    It isn’t just female sociopaths but that is ONE aspect of them the basic, ATTENTION, PRESENTING AS A VICTIM, CONTROL and DESTRUCTION and ANY thing they can do to accomplish those things is pervectly ok and a sexual accusatioon is a great one. He said/she said and of course babies can be programmed to say anything. ((((Hugs))))



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  7. ErinBrock says:

    Daizy:
    Welcome to LF, I hope you find the educational articles as helpful as we have. There is much to learn here and much support from our hell!

    I think female spaths find anything sexual….get’s attention and she can ge twhat she’s looking for with sex or sexual claims. It seems to have ‘worked’ for her in the past and spaths always go back to familiar!!!
    Watch your back!!
    She WILL be exposed….remain vigilant, tenacious and document everything you can get your hands on to exonerate your child.

    Again…Welcome to LF…..I’m sorry you have the need to be here!

    XXOO
    EB



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  8. FightAnotherDay says:

    Okay.

    We still aren’t at trial, and we still haven’t settled, although at least we are moving on with discovery demands.

    While spath wants written permission to take our son out of state, he does not tell me where he is and his girlfriend of over a year (the adultress) writes all communications.

    I ask:
    Spath,

    Since you have not responded to me regarding son’s whereabouts this week, am I to assume you are staying at home?
    Please let me know where you (and son) are this week.
    Because we have joint custody of son, I should be kept informed.

    Thank you.
    FightAnotherDay

    Spath (spaths girlfriend “brainwashed”) says:
    We are supposed to inform each other if we are taking son out of state. Therefore since I didn’t email you that means I am not out of state. If you read your 2 emails, you said “IF” therefore….if I don’t respond that means I am not out of state.
    Spath

    Now, anyone have an idea as to HOW to find out WHERE they ARE?

    I want to say to Spath, “So if I drive by your house tonight, you’ll be there?”



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  9. OxDrover says:

    Dear Banana/fight another day!

    OK I’m gonna BOINK you on that one, chickie. YOU ARE STILL GETTING UPSET AND COMMUNICATING WITH HIM OVER THEH LITTLE STUFF—you are walking right into his hands, he KNOWS he is pithing you off and he has ACCOMPLISHED HIS PURPOSE. Unless the kid comes home missing a LIMB or with an eye ball gone SHUT THE FRACK UP!!!!! You are giving him attention and that is just what he and the GF are want6ing. Now QUIT IT!!!!! ((((Hugs)))))



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