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Archive for September, 2007

With sociopaths, financial precautions don’t matter

Lovefraud.com has posted a new case study: Pilot romances his co-worker, gets her to buy him a plane. Yes, it’s true. Lance Larabee, who lives near Seattle, Washington, convinced Debbie White, who lives near Chicago, Illinois, to go into business with him. He had the idea; she had the money—her recent divorce settlement. All he needed was a plane, a boat, a conversion van and money to clear up some debts.

The business never got off the ground. Five and a half years later, White learned that she had essentially bought Larabee toys—big, expensive toys that he apparently used to impress other women. Her money was gone, and she had nothing to show for it.

In fact, she was more than $100,000 in debt.

Protecting her interests

Guys: Watch out for women con artists!

There are a few things we can be absolutely sure of when it comes to con artists who are all sociopaths/ psychopaths. The first is that they will take advantage of loop holes in the legal system. We have received several letters from men in that last few months detailing the lengths psychopathic women will go to in order to extort money from men.

You see, in most states, if there is a separation or divorce custody of children is handed to mothers. She who gets the kids, gets money. Professional mother is the perfect occupation for a female psychopath. All she has to do is have sex, get pregnant, and she’s got it made! For her, kids aren’t a liability; they are an asset she can use in the next con.

Experts disagree on what’s wrong with O.J. Simpson

Last Sunday, a few hours after I wrote on the Lovefraud Blog about how I recognized sociopathic traits in the behavior of O.J. Simpson, the former football star was arrested on charges of armed robbery in that Las Vegas hotel room. Television talking heads immediately ramped up their speculation on why he allegedly did it.

Each expert seemed to have his or her own theory. Some experts had multiple theories. Let’s take a look at some of them.

CNN, Friday, September 14

Here’s what transpired on CNN’s Nancy Grace Show before Simpson was arrested.

Jane Velez-Mitchell, an investigative reporter, said Simpson engaged in self-destructive behavior because he wanted to be caught. “Why would he risk and flirt with imprisonment unless, deep down inside, he has to try and purge this toxic secret?” she asked. “And all of America and all the world knows what that toxic secret is. It involves the murder of two people.” That’s the theory of a book she’s writing called Secrets Can Be Murder.

ASK DR. LEEDOM: “I am really sick, aren’t I?”

This week I received a letter from a woman asking, ”What is wrong with me, why would I feel bad and believe his twisted stories? I am really sick, aren’t I? I fell for him 2 times! After almost losing everything, including my life with the first one?”

I have answered this question before but the issues raised by these questions are so important that I’ll discuss them again.

The real question here is, what exactly is love? Love is the glue that binds us together as a social species. Without love, we would all live solitary lives, husbands and wives would not stay together, parents would not care for children and none of us would have any friends. Scientists have found that the social glue we call love has at lease four different ingredients.

Being vulnerable after the sociopath is gone, does not mean letting go of me

Beginnings. Endings. Closing doors and openings. Stepping into the moment I find a new moment inside, beyond the moment, opening up, expanding this moment into the next.

A weekend invitation. To spend time with a friend at a mountain hide-away. We’ve known each other three years. We first met when I was writing a business plan for a company he was involved with. He was married. I was not interested in men, regardless of their marital status. He’s since divorced. Over the past year we’ve grabbed a quick lunch. A coffee here. A glass of wine there. I’ve never thought of him as someone to date, simply a friend to share experiences with.

But, a couple of weeks ago, my perceptions shifted. “I’ve got a friends cabin for the weekend,” he said on Wednesday. “Would you care to join me?”

Posted in: M.L. Gallagher

A close encounter with a sociopath changes everything

O.J. Simpson is in the news again. On Friday, Las Vegas police named him as a suspect in an armed robbery. The fallen football star was allegedly part of a group of men who entered a hotel room and took sports memorabilia that once belonged to Simpson. The facts of the incident—including whether or not weapons were involved—are currently being investigated by the police.

So here’s Simpson’s version of the story: He was running a sting operation to retrieve items that were stolen from him. He was in Las Vegas to attend a friend’s wedding, and got some guys he met at a cocktail party to go with him to the hotel room. He says there was no gun and nobody got “roughed up.”

New research shows single parenthood blamed for problems caused by sociopathy

New research confirms something I have long suspected: There is a relationship between single parenthood and sociopathy that explains problems found in young people. Before I describe the research I have to give some background. Sociopathy is a set of personality traits that group together. These traits are also largely responsible for addiction and alcoholism. To read more about the connection between antisocial personality traits, addiction and alcoholism, see The Inner Triangle helps you understand sociopaths, psychopaths, addicts and alcoholics. I believe that people with sociopathic personality traits likely create many of the single parent families in Western countries.

Psychopaths use our best qualities against us

I am a person with a very strong sense of responsibility. If I make a commitment to do something, I honor my commitment. Generally, being responsible is considered a positive quality. But it is the quality that made me stay with my psychopathic ex-husband far longer than I should have.

I knew he was taking money from me. I knew he was lying to me (although I vastly underestimated the extent of his deception). I didn’t love him anymore. So why did I stay? I had married him, and to me, marriage was a commitment.

I’ve written before about how psychopaths find our weaknesses and exploit them. The scary truth is that they also exploit our strengths.

Nurturing qualities

It takes a special person to work in human services fields such as nursing, teaching, social work and counseling. People who choose these professions are usually empathetic, nurturing and supportive. Again, these are generally viewed as positive qualities. Psychopaths use them against us.

ASK DR. LEEDOM: How can I get my ____ away from the psychopathic con artist?”

This week I will propose a strategy for helping a family member break free from a con artist/sociopath. The conclusions I have come to about how best to do this are based on the information regarding the techniques these people employ that I explained last week in Coercive persuasion, mind control and brain washing.

Sociopaths establish control over a person little by little, BITE by BITE. Remember, BITE stands for behavior, information, thoughts and emotions. To help your loved one, you have to BITE back. Take a look at the situation and see how you can gently facilitate your loved one gaining back autonomy over his/her daily behavior. Try to always appear affirming and loving so that it will be difficult for the sociopath to come up with an excuse to exclude you from their lives. See your loved one as frequently as possible. Be a source of real information, in contrast to the lies your loved one is being told by the sociopath.

What is a sociopath feeling?

Lovefraud recently received the following letter from a reader:

“I am trying to understand what the sociopath is feeling. Do they feel love? Do they love? What hurts a sociopath? How can you communicate with a sociopath?”

The problem in dealing with a sociopath, or psychopath, is that they are fundamentally different from the rest of us. The extent of their difference is truly difficult to comprehend—until you’ve had a close encounter with one of them.

Let’s look at these questions individually.

Do they feel love?

The short answer is no. In order to feel love, a person must be able to feel empathy. Sociopaths do not feel empathy for other people.