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7 points to remember about dating and predators

As human beings, we all want love and companionship in our lives. It’s a basic human need, right up there with the needs for food, water and shelter. When we are lacking an intimate relationship, most of us try to fill the empty space. That leads to dating.

Here is what you need to know about dating and predators.

1. Evil exists.
What the evil is called—psychopath, sociopath, antisocial personality disorder, narcissist—really doesn’t matter. There are evil people out there, and they can be found in all segments of society—rich, poor, male, female, all races, all religions, all communities. They look like everyone else, but they are predators.

2. If you are dating, you are a target.
As an unattached person, you’re probably feeling a bit lonely—that’s why you’re looking for dates. This is natural and understandable. What you need to realize is that predators specialize in targeting lonely people. They know exactly how to find this vulnerability and exploit it by seeming to take the loneliness away. They shower you with attention, flatter you and promise you a lifetime of happiness—exactly what you’re looking for.

3. Meeting people on the Internet is extremely dangerous.
Yes, there are normal people on dating sites. But there are also predators, and communicating via the computer you do not have the tools you need to spot them. Most of the true meaning of conversation comes from nonverbal cues—voice, facial expression and body language. None of that is available in an e-mail. So what do you do? You fill in the missing pieces with your imagination, and the person becomes what you want him or her to be. You fall in love with a fantasy. For more information, see Internet Threat and Online Seduction on Lovefraud.com.

4. Predators are often charming.
If you meet someone who is glib, charismatic and has a quick answer to every question, be aware that these traits may indicate excellent social skills—or a psychopath. Pay close attention to what is actually being said. Are there gaps or inconsistencies? Is the person evasive? Does the person change plans or break promises—and always has an excuse? If you’re nodding your head, proceed with caution. For more information, see Key Symptoms on Lovefraud.com.

5. Watch for the pity play.
According to Martha Stout, author of The Sociopath Next Door, the best clue that you are dealing with a sociopath is an appeal to your sympathy. If you’re dealing with someone who tries to make you feel sorry for him or her, blaming other people or “the system” for his or her problems, consider it a warning that the person may be a sociopath. For more information, see The Pity Play on Lovefraud.com.

6. Predators are often great in bed.
Many people who were involved with sociopaths have told Lovefraud that the sex was amazing. Sociopaths are often skilled lovers for two reasons: First, with an excessive need for stimulation, they are hard-wired for sex. Second, they get a lot of practice, often with anyone who comes along. In reality, sociopaths want only two things: sex and power. They do not feel love.

7. Do not ignore red flags.
Maybe something seems wrong but you can’t put your finger on it. Perhaps there’s a nagging feeling in your gut. Pay attention. Do not let him or her explain away your doubts. Do not tell yourself he or she has gotten a raw deal and your love is the solution. To avoid becoming the victim of a predator, your instincts are your best defense.



386 Comments on "7 points to remember about dating and predators"

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  1. skylar says:

    Thanks Louise,
    Some people might have thought I was joking.



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  2. Louise says:

    skylar:

    I knew you weren’t joking. I remember you talking about your spath and the 12 year old native American girls…



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  3. hens says:

    Sky,
    Yep, he always mixed the truth in with his lies. My brain couldnt function that way, having to seperate the deciet from the truth. Oh how he knew just what he was doing, f__kin with my mind. I hate him today.
    Last nite I had vivid dreams, we were talking about getting back together, it was like a dance and we were both afraid to touch the other. He was beautiful in the dream.. I was so angry when I woke up and realized I had dreamed about us.. I hate when I feel like it was me that ruined the relationship.



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  4. skylar says:

    Hens,
    it seems like a double betrayal when our minds betray us by making us dream about them. Try to remember that there WAS no relationship.

    His intent was to make you feel bad about yourself. That’s it. His reason? Because he feels bad about himself. Just like a guy who comes home and kicks the dog because he can. If you can keep that in mind, you’ll know that he envied you because of the great guy that you are. You are the one who is beautiful!



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  5. Arianna says:

    Good points!
    Evil exists — I might not have agreed until I had a bond with a psychopath. Now I agree 100%.
    Lonely singles are most definitely targets. I was. I didn’t meet him online, though, but I was vulnerable and he knew it.
    He was VERY VERY charming, but had no pity play.
    He was great in bed, but he had to have something!
    Red Flags: “This is wayyyy to perfect. He’s my soul mate. My life is finally working out! This is the first time I’m making love.”
    Yep, just when I’d LEAST wanted to walk away is EXACTLY when I should have. I’m not sure what the answer to this is…After several really sucky years, I thought I was finally getting a break…I truly believe now that the only way to find out the turth is to WAIT, like at least 6 months. Good luck!



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  6. Tea Light says:

    Here is a useful link for UK based readers , it’s the National Fraud Authority’s ‘Action Fraud’ website

    http://www.actionfraud.police.uk/node/298

    ”According to Action Fraud, there is an increase in romance scams. It has had more than 1,000 reports in the past 12 months from those who believe they have found love online but have actually become victims of criminals who want to relieve them of their money. The typical victim has been conned out of £21,600.

    This scam works when those involved hand over useful personal and financial details about themselves to people they have fallen for online. Anyone looking for love online should watch out for warning signs (such as too much interest in your personal details). ”



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  7. Truthspeak says:

    TeaLight, excellent link……….

    The warning boils down to: BOUNDARIES. I don’t tell a soul what I experienced, anymore – not until they have earned my trust and my experiences seem relevant.

    Great link!

    Brightest blessings



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  8. Tea Light says:

    Truthy, good isn’t it? I had never heard of them, it’s quite impressive for a UK government / police initiative! x



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