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Prenatal smoking increases the risk of sociopathy

The prevention of sociopathy is something we all should be concerned about. Last week, we had an excellent discussion about sociopathy and lying. We all agree lying is the cardinal symptom of sociopathy, thanks to all those who posted comments. Your comments truly help those who are new to the site. Lying is part of the poor impulse control that sociopaths have. Poor impulse control or impulsivity and lying are recognized as central to sociopathy by every expert and diagnostic method. To prevent sociopathy we must start by preventing impulsivity. Unfortunately the brain structures responsible for impulse control are very sensitive to damage, especially early in life; although, damage to the frontal lobes can produce sociopathy at any age.

If I were given the option of one intervention that would reduce the prevalence of sociopathy in our society it would be to get all pregnant women to stop smoking both actively and passively (through second hand smoke). Although there are no direct studies of second hand smoke and sociopathy, second hand smoke is associated with an increased incidence of SIDS and other problems also linked to active smoking.

Where is the evidence that links maternal smoking directly to sociopathy? One of the largest studies to explore this link is reported in the Archives of General Psychiatry, arguably the most reputable journal in the profession. In this paper Maternal Smoking During Pregnancy and Adult Male Criminal Outcomes (follow link to read it yourself) Patricia A. Brennan, PhD and colleagues report data obtained from 4169 males born between September 1959 and December 1961 in Copenhagen, Denmark. They conclude, “Maternal smoking during the third trimester predicted nonviolent, violent, and persistent crime even when controlling for parental, psychiatric hospitalization, pregnancy and delivery complications, mother’s use of prescription drugs during pregnancy, father’s criminal arrest, maternal rejection, mother’s age, and SES.”

In a recent review of 7 independent studies of the association between maternal smoking and antisocial behavior, published in the American Journal of Public Health (folow link to read it yourself) Lauren S. Wakschlag, PhD and colleagues discuss the magnitude of the problem. They calculate that more than 500,000 infants a year are exposed in utero to direct smoking. They further estimate that this exposure increases the risk of sociopathy 1.4-4 times. It is estimated that 3% of the general population is sociopathic. This estimate already includes those exposed in utero to tobacco. If we conservatively estimate that 6% rather than 3% of the 500,000 will develop sociopathy, smoking may produce 15,000 additional sociopaths per year!

The problem of maternal smoking may be even worse in other countries. One internet source reports, “In ex-socialist countries about 28% of women are smokers, in developed countries about 23% and in South America about 21% of all women.” If the stats from the US apply here, at least half of these women will continue to smoke when they become pregnant.

In the beginning of this article, I proposed that maternal smoking increases sociopathy by producing impulsivity/impairing impulse control. Although there are many good studies linking sociopathy with maternal smoking, there are even more studies linking maternal smoking with ADHD. ADHD is strongly associated with the development of sociopathy. Reviewing the relevant studies for my book, I estimated that adult sociopathy develops in about 25% of kids with true ADHD.

To see some data for yourself, read Effects of low birth weight, maternal smoking in pregnancy and social class on the phenotypic manifestation of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and associated antisocial behaviour: investigation in a clinical sample by Kate Langley and colleagues. They examined 356 British children who were patients at their clinic diagnosed with ADHD. In their sample, half of the mothers reported smoking during pregnancy! Maternal smoking was associated with impulsivity, conduct disorder and symptoms of oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) even when other risk factors were taken into account.

That symptoms of ODD were related to maternal smoking is of particular interest to me because I have said that these symptoms are a sign of an excessive drive for social dominance in children. In my view it is the dominance drive, or power motive that produces the evil behavior of sociopaths.

The major developmental task of childhood is to learn to love and cooperate. To do so we must be able to exercise restraint over our dominance drive. If a child lacks the capacity to exercise this restraint, s/he is handicapped when it comes to learning to love and cooperate.

As a group of people who know first hand the devastation caused by sociopathy, I propose we all work toward the prevention of this disorder in any way we can. If you smoke, please quit. Stop financially supporting the tobacco companies and stop contributing to the problem of second hand smoke. Please also support anti-smoking legislation and government programs that encourage women and pregnant women not to smoke.



153 Comments on "Prenatal smoking increases the risk of sociopathy"

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  1. still reeling says:

    Dupey,

    I do respect Clooney very much for what he’s doing, has done in the past and will continue to do. And, on the side, a great actor as well.

    Dupey, I’m physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted from angsting over the horrors of this world. Yes there is a lot of goodness out there, but for me, it just doesn’t compare with a situation like the one in the Sudan or any of the other atrocities perpetrated on innocent people in this world. I cannot get my head around how we can come so far in so many ways but can’t find a way to peace. I think the genesis of just about every horrendous act upon others is greed. You dig deeply enuf and you’ll find it.

    The last couple of decades stink from rotten greed in this country. Callous inhumanity is an epidemic. It has to change or this counrty is third world in the not too distant future.

    I also hear you on being man-less! Doing what you want when you want, the way you want allows one to, as you state, actually be more giving, not more selfish! As I’ve said before, I was on my own for 14 yrs before marriage, and it did get lonely at times, but mainly, it was peaceful and empowering. I was too young and stupid to embrace more fully and use the gifts I was given of good health, energy and creativity to do more for others as well as for myself.

    I had an awful lot of internal demons that emerged during those years and had no idea what the hell was happening to me, so maybe I would have been better off with roommates to distract me from myself! I don’t know…that is the past and it doesn’t change as well we all know.

    I have been to CA once and loved it. It was about 2 yrs ago actually for our 20th wedding anniv but of course, we took our daughter…she was not having our going to CA without her!! I think you said you’re in S. Ca – we were in N. Ca, spent some time in Arcata, took in many redwood forests (amazing), SF of course….had to see Haight/Asbury, Santa Cruz, then beautiful route 1 down to Pebble Beach, Carmel, Monterey, not sure how far south we got. Oh yes, we did bike ride over the GG bridge. That was so awesomely fun!

    A well-deserved happy Sunday to you, too, Dupey. Positive energy out to George and all the rest of the good guys.

    Hugs
    It was gorgeous out there! As well you know.

  2. Back_from_the_edge says:

    LOL@Truthspeak: yah, I guess I have to admit that I perhaps am crazier than an outhouse rat, as well. I have asked my ‘head doctor’ several times, if I were insane? She keeps telling me “no”….however, we all know, there is no way we can completely walk away unscathed by all of this. Oh yes, spontaneity..that is something that has been missing from my life too. I have found that solidly within the past couple of months as well as some really strong ‘resolutions’ inside myself, not needing anyone else s validation. Things like: yes, THAT WAS A PSYCHOPATHIC STALKER MANIPULATING ME FOR TEN YEARS. YES: I ESCAPED. yay!! I am still getting a little bit of stalking but it’s all away from me, FORCEFULLY and I made that absolutely understood. With the help of LOTS AND LOTS OF BACK UP.

    Right on: Peter Gabriel rocks. Definitely one of the fore runners…always amazing talent from him. Rock on!! I LOVE bantering in a very pleasant way…it’s fun. Long as nobody’s feeling get hurt, it’s the only way to be: happy with life.

    BE HAPPY WITH LIFE TRUTHSPEAK and it will treat you well.
    Stop trying to wrap your mind around the uglies, sometimes there is just no explanation. Sometimes all we can do is lick our wounds and heal them and move on with grace and understanding with ourselves. Forgiving ourselves for our blindness brought on by kindness. Because we are so kind and sensitive, we have to realize that we must protect that part of us lest it devour us. Predators move in on that character of ours and will suck it all away if we ALLOW IT. I don’t allow it anymore, from anyone. THIS IS MY LIFE.

    mwah!!!! xxoo

  3. Back_from_the_edge says:

    still reeling: I so can completely relate to your post above….

    To quote you:

    “Dupey, I’m physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted from angsting over the horrors of this world. Yes there is a lot of goodness out there, but for me, it just doesn’t compare with a situation like the one in the Sudan or any of the other atrocities perpetrated on innocent people in this world. I cannot get my head around how we can come so far in so many ways but can’t find a way to peace. I think the genesis of just about every horrendous act upon others is greed. You dig deeply enuf and you’ll find it.”

    Absolutely. I absolutely agree with you. Completely. Greed and selfishness seems to be the ever present thread; doesn’t it? It’s what creates wars and jealousy and envy…greed and selfishness creates all this ugliness and more. But, we have to realize we cannot save the world all on our own.

    Trying to make all the evil and ugly ‘right’ would be like taking a child’s sand pail and shovel and trying to fill up the Grand Canyon with it. We have to recognize our gentleness and try to enrich and bring change to our own little spot and if everyone were to do the same thing, all at once, we would push out the ugliness and evilness and greed that exists. I am not a pessimist but a realist. Then again, all change does start with ‘me’, doesn’t it?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnLbGiMu8uE

    One thing about ‘history’, we cannot ever go backwards and change anything. The only thing we CAN change is our future. We each have a responsibility to add and/or contribute to that good.

    Not everyone in the world thinks as we do, however.
    We are not the ‘morality cops’, even if so self-assigned…

    All we can do is take care of ourselves and to contribute as much as we can, when we have the opportunity, but we MUST choose our battles wisely, lest they leave us broken and devoured.

    Yes, there is LOTS to be said for being ‘man less’. hahahahaha
    No picking up dirty underwear; no taking orders; no expectations. Just peace. Peace and beautiful quiet. I have never had that in my life before. I was a mother at an early age and have been one my whole life. Never time nor room for just me. Know what I mean? THIS IS MY TIME NOW and IT DOESNT BELONG TO SPATHAZOID.

    “Internal demons”…I am sure we all have met a few of those along the way. “Get thee behind me satan”, kind of moments. THIS experience is only one more instance of that, I do believe. But it’s all about CHOICES and not so much what our HEARTS are saying, but more about what our HEADS are trying to tell us.

    Sometimes in order to survive, we have to ignore our hearts. Right? This is one of those moments. It was all a lie; a scam and a sham…all of it. And, I twisted myself up and by doing that, I fulfilled the psychopaths intent. Of MY making myself miserable and I am not allowing that to continue. I just am not. THIS IS MY LIFE NOT ITS.

    Yes, California is very beautiful. All in one day you could:
    go swimming in the ocean and drive to the mountains and go skiing. The beauty overwhelms me every time I drive through it or am outdoors. Happy you were able to come here and see the beauty, still reeling! Come back and visit any time..you are like, for sure, ya know: always like welcome! hahahaha

    Oh yes: much positive energy and Blessings goes out to George. Just an amazing person. I have been a member of the Save Darfur Coalition since it’s inception, years ago. I pray every day that the world will collectively stand up and say together, with one voice: “ENOUGH! THIS WILL STOP!”

    Love and hugs to you too still reeling: have a great day; hm?
    Happy wishes from the Left Side of America..

  4. still reeling says:

    Dupey, hope you see this post…I have not been able to come out here for a few days but I so appreciate your very intuitive thoughts. I completely agree, fwiw.
    “I am not a pessimist but a realist”
    Gosh, I say this all the time, literally. I finally realized that I see things the way they *are* to the best of my ability and have fallen completely out of love with sugar-coating. It has led me down bad paths where I’ve lost myself.
    Even if my reality is different from others’, seems or *is* pessimistic, it is MY reality based upon facts and experience, mine and others’!!
    Very refreshing to read that you feel the same Dupey.

    “All we can do is take care of ourselves and to contribute as much as we can, when we have the opportunity, but we MUST choose our battles wisely, lest they leave us broken and devoured.”
    Yes, so true. We can do what we can do from recycling all the way to busting corporate corruption. However, we are all made of different stuff and as you say, choose those battles wisely. I know folks who aren’t happy unless they are buried under one project and effort after the other. Others are able to handle less but that is ok. We have to respect what we can do while still feeling we are doing our best.

    I hear you on peace and quiet and doing what you want to do the way you want to do it. Some can do that with a man around, compromising situations, not themselves. Others can’t. So glad you found the joy of living the way you want and need it. Many never do!!

    “Sometimes in order to survive, we have to ignore our hearts.” Yes, good days and bad here when it comes to path.

    Actually that creature did worm his way into my heart but I promoted it because I wanted to. I can no longer allow myself to feel like I was taken over because then, I am also allowing myself to say I can’t get out from under. That is a death assignment! And it’s inaccurate. Yesterday, I broke a CD that totally ate into my gut when I listened to it and tore my heart out with just plain old fantasy about him…none of what I was picturing had ever come true. So I felt good about trashing that crap.

    I never liked or enjoyed him one bit enough to suffer the way I have. He came along and shocked me with his interest and it had been so long, I was taken aback, then found it kind of wonderful. But, I am a fantacizer and enhanced every single bit of it. He only threw me well-thought out crumbs, then saw that there would be no easy way to get me into a broom closet, if ever (can’t say never with these master manipulators).

    Well, I went further here with that, but there is not sense in it. We all know that if someone wants to be with us, they will find a way. I did my part to not judge him or myself and just offer myself as a friend and see what happened from there. Never wanted to be his wife, mother of his child, steady date. This was my only and last hurrah in life….my little secret, my guy who thought I was wonderful. For the first time in my life, I was just living in the NOW and enjoying what he gave me and loving what I gave back. There was never even one touch between us, but there was a connection on my part – I have no idea what there was on his, except that I enhanced an made it something in my head, then he threw enuf crumbs to allow me to continue it. So sad.

    OK enuf…..exorcism under way!

    Love you Dupey, hope you see this and sorry I didn’t respond sooner..loved the MJ song! One of my very favorite entertainers. There you have such a sad story. I don’t even like to think about it.

    Take care and hugs…may you remain as much as possible as you are in your post.

  5. Back_from_the_edge says:

    Dear still reeling: What a pleasure reading your post this morning. Thanks. You gave me a little ‘inspiration’ to start my day. xxoo

    I know about going down those paths until you lost yourself. I likened it more to a rabbit hole….got way deep, deep, down in that psychopathic mind and manipulation. Almost didn’t make it out and if I hadn’t of, I have no doubt I would have lost my life. Literally.

    I know how they are: their manipulation and deceit; their using. Yes, we promoted it because we trusted we were dealing with a NORMAL PERSON and soon found out that this person was very different, indeed. More different than I could even have imagined, once the masks starting slipping off.

    Yes, we have to choose our battles and our LOVES wisely. We are so careful about the choices we make concerning finances, arrangements, etc., why aren’t we as careful about “LOVE” and OUR HEARTS?

    Yes, peace and quiet is amazing. I have been controlled and manipulated for the past ten years and I truly have found some peace and quiet now and it’s been like recovering from a bad auto accident…it takes time. I haven’t entirely latched onto the ‘joy of living’ as you say, but, I have, from an early age, always tried to cut the drama and chaos out of my life and to live peacefully. I have always financially provided for myself and my children and a whole lot of others along the way. I guess that’s what made me such a ‘good target’ and ‘excellent supply’, my character of caring and helping and my loyalty…it was abused and taken to maximum extremes and I thought all the while, I was helping but I was actually ENABLING. I am finished ‘enabling’ anyone to destroy me.

    “WORM” that is a good word for these ‘beings’. That is exactly what they do, they ‘worm’ their way into our lives and our graces and then use them to every extent they possibly can.

    Good: happy you broke that CD…I have gotten rid of all the memories about me, as well. I can’t stand to look at them and they have no place in my life or field of vision any more. I am done grieving and actively trying to piece my life back together now. In more ways than one. Oh yes, it feels wonderful finally making that final break and realizing that it is just OVER now. Although my stalking still continues, at least it is from far away now and not in my face 24/7; know what I mean? It comes by phone and/or internet. I never respond but always add to my stalking log, dates, times, etc.

    I never really “liked’ mine, either. I was PUSHED into it by using my sympathy and caring. I completely understand how you were sucked into this…completely. I was sucked in the same way.

    “Well thought out crumbs”…oh yes, that is what they are famous for…giving you just enough to keep you hanging on so that later on if they have a ‘use’ for you, you will be an easy mark…I know how they operate.

    Right, I never wanted to be his wife, mother of his children or a ‘steady thing’ either…I wasn’t even sure I LIKED this ‘being’ and after I got to know more and more, I was ABSOLUTELY SURE I didn’t like this ‘being’ and I still had a difficult time climbing out of that rabbit hole because of the mind farking they do.

    Ha: exorcism under way: I did lots of those, let me tell you.
    Seriously. I have NEVER seen ANYTHING so vile and ugly in my entire life. For ten years, I was fooled into thinking this was a REAL FRIEND and as it turned out, it was the devil right under my nose. And all of his actions were only self centered and not caring about me nor anyone else.

    Love you too still reeling: I am happy to hear you are finally putting it all together. It’s a daunting task, going over things, over and over again, inside our minds and hearts but we truly DO have to overlook what our lying hearts are telling us…we must use our heads and pay attention to the red flags…they are there, if we just pay attention. I am glad I paid attention to mine, when I did or I do think I would have been murdered.

    Yah: very sad about MJ…after all that torture, that poor guy went through over that child abuse scandal, right after he passed, that little boy came forward and admitted he made up the whole story because his Mom and Dad made him do it for the money…all that un necessary torment poor Michael went through. FOR WHAT? He made a ‘change’ and I see his children are also starting to bring about that same influence and change. They are always in my prayers. Why is it the children must always be the ones to suffer?

    You take care too, still reeling, remember I am rooting and praying for you. You sound great and that makes me happy. :)

    ((((still reeling))))
    Have a very happy day; would ya?

    Dupey

  6. still reeling says:

    Dupey,
    I have tried to figure out if it’s just me after nc with any men for almost 25 yrs (due to being married) or actually this thing that has caused me so much angst. By now, after a no touch, nothing whatever-it-was, I should be way over him but I think he still haunts me because other things in my life suck so bad right now. No job, totaled car, not feeling so great, can’t figure out what to do about marriage, and just general digust with myself for being so wishy-washy, not really living life, etc. I don’t know if ever I have felt so down. Path is just someone to pin my misery on instead of figuring out my life and living it. I feel I have lived so marginally due to anxiety, panic disorder which includes travel anx (tho I have pushed myself on that one because have a family) and obsessive issues, that I don’t have even one bit of confidence.
    I sit here now trying to figure out how to buy a car with the 10k I got from accident, no job and don’t trust anyone that has anything to to with working at a car dealer. I’m just at a loss in every way I can imagine.
    I relate to so much you said above, that it’s almost jaw-dropping. I just wish I’d found this blog when I first realized something was weird about path and about my reaction to him. Honestly, when I look back, I was a blithering idiot around him, so sure he cared, I actually took liberties and allowed myself to have fun with it. He must have really thought I was a moron. I am being punished, I’m sure, for basically emotionally cheating on my husband and furthering his nonsense. So many bad things happened while I was there, even before he came on to me and since.
    OK, I really do want to try and respond to some of the particulars in your post, but, hey please don’t think you have to look back here…it’s just gloom and doom right now.
    *You* sound great so stay there!!!
    Take care and big hug, Dupey

  7. Truthspeak says:

    StillReeling……{{{{{Gentle Hugs}}}}} Yeah…….the “gloom and doom” can be almost paralyzing. I’m kind of in the same boat and I understand the anxiety issues and the seemingly endless reasons to feel depressed.

    I tend to look at the vast picture, and this tends to really FEED my insecurities and vulnerabilities, I think. If I look at every challenge that I’m currently facing, it’s enough to make me convince myself that there’s no point in doing ANYthing because there’s too many obstacles for me to manage. I really, really am good at convincing myself of what a failure I am, and how I’ve made so many errors, left myself open to abuse, etc., etc., etc……Oh, I’m quite an expert at this. Then, when I’ve sufficiently convinced myself that there’s no point in attempting anything positive, I curl up in my emotional ball and hate myself for my lot in life and feed my Resentment Monkey some more.

    Well, goddammit, I do NOT deserve to do this to myself, let alone allow someone else to determine who I’m going to become or define the sum of my life! So…..I’ve actually been taking one challenge at a time and staring it down until I sort out something that I can do about it. I don’t like this, because it’s out of character for me to take a bull by the horns and jerk it around. But, it’s the only way that I can determine how to manage my situation. If I look at all of the farking bulls that I need to wrestle, then I’m finished.

    You’re not “being punished,” StillReeling. You’re punishing yourself, for whatever reason. Perhaps, you haven’t been able to forgive yourself. I don’t know, but you ARE a valuable human being regardless of past errors in judgement. I mean, really: who among the human race has NOT made an error in judgment? Who hasn’t made mistakes? It’s really OKAY – it really is.

    Perhaps, discussing these issues with a strong counseling therapist may be helpful. A therapist that “gets it” can provide you with tools and instruments that you can use to work your way out and begin the process of healing yourself.

    Try attending to one thing, today. Pick something that “needs” to get done, and see it through, EVEN if you don’t think you’re “doing the right thing.” Try believing that you can tend to this one task – the rest can just wait.

    HUGS to you

  8. Back_from_the_edge says:

    still reeling,

    No, it’s not just you nor the time you have been NC with any man. The times are rapidly changing and quickly in the areas of social ‘norms’ and what is acceptable and what is not. It’s not us changing, it’s the times. I really do believe that.

    I think there may be something to your saying that he haunts you because of the bad times you are coming through right now. No, that’s not entirely true: spath isn’t just a convenient place to put the blame. I am sure yours earned every single blame, just like mine has, while perhaps we might take a ‘tad’ of that blame upon ourselves for being too trusting and/or kind.

    Right: living marginally; I understand that as well. I have been too wrapped up in this ten year period of misery with spath that I haven’t had time to even think about myself. I know how that works. I SAY: I am thankful to be rid of the demon and I am not ever going back to all that ugliness, not ever again. Although “IT” continues to stalk me, from time to time, the incidences are getting less and less and the quiet is increasing, more and more. It’s starting to fade because I haven’t been ‘feeding’ it but ‘feeding’ MYSELF more; as much as I possibly can. It has taken me the last two months just to ‘rest up’, emotionally and physically from the collateral damage this has done to my life. (AGAIN). NC is the only way to handle this for our own sanity and emotional as well as physical well being.

    “Blithering idiot around him…” Oh yes; I know the feeling…
    We were taken advantage of by our extreme affections….they used that against us as a weapon and still does to some extent because we aren’t forsaking that ugliness but contemplating it.

    Thanks for saying I sound great. I know I still have a ways to go but I am seeing things now the way they REALLY ARE and not some manufactured ‘dream’ “IT” devised for me to snare me into his ‘good little worker bee army’ of women. I am trying to stay here, still reeling…every day is a new struggle but I am managing to claw my way out of this rabbit hole I was buried in. Little by little.

    YOU take good care of yourself, my Dear…
    I will pray for you and send you positive thoughts…
    More hugs back xxoo

    Dupey

  9. still reeling says:

    Turth and Dupey, thank you so much for your perspectives, understanding and thoughtfulness.

    Truth, yes, the big picture. This is something I have tried to do all my life, stop analyzing so much and look at the overall deal. This is what I am trying to do with path, the roll his a** up into a ball or break him in half (like I did the CD) and blow him out of my mind. G-d know, I was never really in his life, yet he started it.

    I really have to stop looking at what happened, why it happened and how could be do/say that when he didn’t/doesn’t really care? Even tho, he has had ample chance to contact me over these months and close things up in a kind way, he has chosen not to. I need to do whatever it takes to exorcise this beast, no matter how it ended. As you said Dupey:

    “We were taken advantage of by our extreme affections….they used that against us as a weapon and still does to some extent because we aren’t forsaking that ugliness but *contemplating* it.”

    Contemplation is key here. Before I can go back to some semblance of who I am, the contemplation must go. Period. Very well put, Dupey!

    I’m just completely awestruck by what I did and how easy it was to become like you said, Dupey, one of his little “worker bees.” That’s exactly how he saw me. And boy, I knew something was very wrong, but I decided it was my last chance to cut myself a little slack and just enjoy this obviously karmaic connection, this opportunity to go and eat, see movies, play board games, and actually have someone give into their urges to hang an arm around my shoulder or grab my hand. I’m not going to get this from my husband, altho he is a real person, not like Godzilla who is not. It was just a selfish shot in the dark and though I was scared s.less to go for it, I would have if he would have worked with me to do things very safely. I didn’t want to have a sexual r.ship because I know I would have felt too guilty, but I was ok with being together and enjoying each others’ company.

    Truth, listen, I hear things are difficult for you…esp if you have issues with anxiety and your strength is enviable. I see that you have figured out a very good strategy for coping with your issues, one at a time. I just wish you didn’t have them, but hell, we can’t re-trace, can we?
    I know it’s difficult not to roll up in the emotional ball and just freaking cry, but I can’t let myself do that because it just makes me sick and wow, it’s tough to come back around to any semblance of positive thinking. But I do entertain the Resentment Monkey quite a bit as well as his brother the Infuriated Monkey…neither are good company.
    Hugs back at you – as you say, you do not deserve to feel low. Hell no. I do see a therapist and she is great…have known her for years and she knows me down to the bone. This is possibly the lowest I’ve ever been in the 20 yrs I’ve known her. For the very first time, I broke down in her office, trying to explain my new insurance – another brick in the wall. I was so angry at myself for that…don’t like to cry, even when alone…I know it’s a good release but geez. I don’t know why, I just don’t like it.

    She totally gets it and me but she can only do so much, Truth. I know it has to come from inside me…I just haven’t been able to figure this one out so I have to LET IT GO. That’s where the tough part comes in. Goofy thoughts still come to me and it truly gets my ire up…I truly am sick of free rent in my head to that worthless, excuse for a person. I know he’s despicable, Hitlerian, embodies all I detest about people, but because he’s sick, that somehow complicates the whole issue in my head. Hell, I always felt a little sorry for socios and others who committed even heinous crimes because they were sick,.

    Anyway, enuf of all that tripe.

    I agree with you Dupey…the times are changing and that’s part of why I ever allowed myself to respond to Godzilla’s overtures. A decade ago, I would have completely avoided him and maybe even reported him, which is exactly what I wish I had done and what eventually happened to him. I so hope he isn’t doing well. I do not wish him well. I don’t know his wife but if she’s a good person, I hope she is ok and his child as well.

    I want you both to know how much I appreciate and care about you.

    Thanks so much for your responses. They are so loaded with understanding and really good advice. Honestly I can’t imagine being with Godzilla for a decade or more…I have so much respect for you and others on this blog that have lost so much but are gaining the perspective and strength and empowerment that some people will never know or even contemplate.

    Kudos, positive energy and love to you.

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