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Lovefraud marks a year of service

Lovefraud.com reached a milestone last week—it’s been a year since the website was launched. An anniversary is always a good time for reflections and observations, so here are some of mine.

1. The destruction that sociopaths inflict on other lives is staggering

My ex-husband, James Montgomery, defrauded me of more than $227,000, had affairs with at least six women during our two-year marriage, fathered a child with one of them and then committed bigamy. I thought that was bad.

But in the past year, more than 130 people have called and sent e-mails telling their stories, and many are far worse. People have told me of rampant fraud, child abuse, physical beatings and possible murders. The callous viciousness with which sociopaths destroy their targets is unbelievable.

2. The lack of awareness about sociopaths is widespread and dangerous

Many people equate sociopaths and psychopaths with wild-haired, beady-eyed killers like Charles Manson. In fact, when I recently sent out a press release about Lovefraud.com, Bios Magazine illustrated it with a photo of Jack Nicholson from the horror movie, The Shining.

Consequently, people are totally blindsided when they discover that the person they married, who looks nothing like Charles Manson or a raving Jack Nicholson, is a sociopath. “I never knew it was possible for people to be this evil,” is a comment I’ve heard many times.

3. The legal system is totally unprepared to deal with sociopaths

Although some are capable of it, most sociopaths do not commit murder. They just cruise along below the radar, defrauding people, defaulting on loans and credit cards, abandoning children and hurting people in ways the authorities can’t be bothered to prosecute. And sometimes, even when they do commit murder, they get away with it.

Family court judges are particularly clueless when it comes to dealing with sociopaths. They are often snowed by the “perfect father” or “perfect mother” act these people present in court, disregard evidence of the real emotional damage they do to children, and award them joint custody or unsupervised visitation. They also allow the predators to keep dragging their ex-spouses into court on false or frivolous issues, so the victims continue to bleed financially.

4. The media just don’t get it

When some sociopath does something that lands him or her on the front page or evening news, the media sensationalize the case like it’s a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence. No one seems to realize that whatever the sociopath did is typical of people with this personality disorder.

And when reporters do understand that the perpetrator is a sociopath, their lawyers won’t let them say it. Everyone is afraid that mentioning the word sociopath, even as an opinion, is grounds for a lawsuit.

Thank you

I am very grateful to everyone who has told me how my website has helped you. Lovefraud’s goal continues to be raising awareness of the danger of sociopaths. I hope to help you recognize and avoid them, because once you’re caught in their web of deceit, you’re on your own.

I thank everyone who has sent e-mail and comments over the past year, and I welcome your continued input.


Posted in: Donna Andersen

6 Comments on "Lovefraud marks a year of service"

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  1. Sandra P. says:

    Congratulations and Happy Anniversary, Donna, on your first year of helping and educating so many folks. I am honored to know you. Keep up the excellent work.



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  2. gr8ful70x7 says:

    HAPPY FIRST ANNIVERSARY and Congratualations on your first year Donna.

    It was one year ago that Maria left me after I asked her to leave subsequent to her TWO drug deliveries to our house. I was so weak! I had been so taken in and I was so devastated that finding this website helped me to sort things out, to finally understand what I had been through!

    Along with the help of several close friends and Martha Stout’s book The Sociopath Next Door, I was able to stop the con game, to cease deluding myself and hurting myself grieiving for what never was and what could never be.

    It was great to know that I was not alone in my experience AND that lovefrauds are female, too! These people are E-V-I-L. Maria was a PREDATOR and she has continued to try to harm me since the annulment. I do not miss her and the craziness she brought into my life but there are times when I still suffer from fantasing from all the promises she made.

    I understand how hard it is to see through these people as they are good at the evil they do to the rest of us as they prey upon our deepest desires and dreams and our values–all that we live for and identify with! It’s hard to overcome them and their destruction but it is not imossible. It is just too bad that they are so good at it. They hone their craft, their con game of years. And it’s too bad there is so little relief available legally. Most people have no idea of what we go through when we try to sort it out and separate from these cheats! We may look a bit crazy as we are processing all of it, but I assure all that relief and recovery and becoming stronger and better than ever with greater resiliency and less gullibility is possible. I look forward to telling my story and seeing it on the silver screen! It is that good and it’s that incredible!

    One thing I believe I have discovered and I have an article in press that I hope gets published: Sociopaths can’t blush! And as a psycholgost who has beeen taken, I assure you there is nothing to be ashamed of. There is only getting on with one’s life and once you’ve been through one of these, and everyone seems to run into one of these types during their lives, once one is past one of these creeps, one develops an antenna and an ability to sniff them out and we learn to run like hell from anyone who resembles these shells of humans beings.

    They aren’t human. I estimate that they experience only 5/8 of the range of human emotions. They are impaired and they test the very limits of my strict behavioral assumptions. There seems to be a biological disconnect, a physical basis for their lack of development and inability to exeperience true limbic generated human emotion. Dr. Kent



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  3. sosueme says:

    Dr. Kent…First, let me state that I am so happy for you that you are so successfully and positively coming out of the “muck”… as one who also has also had the misfortune to be paired up for a time in this life with a socio, I can also deeply empathize with what you went through and are possibly going through now. I nodded my head in agreement at your first descriptions of the “con” and then chuckled at how you most-accurately described the shells of human beings our former mates are..and always will be (I called mine HOLLOWMAN…empty souled/empty hearted). I too believe I have developed a radar for these types…but I’m SO, SO afraid of dating or becoming involved with a new man…I’m afraid that if they want to know about my former lover and I tell them anything, then the new man might hear what I’m saying and think I’m surely nuts for sticking around for the two years I did. What about you? How do we go on to new and healthy relationships? I’ve been in therapy and reading and reading and then found this great Lovefraud.com site (launched one day before my birthday last year) to prepare myself for the launch back into relationshiphood. I love where you have discovered that “they” can’t blush…is it because they don’t feel shame or guilt? Mine also could not look me in the eye … even when passionately kissing, I peeked and he was looking away. Oh, I/we only wish we hadn’t wasted so much time…but, as I am, I am sure you are also, grateful to be moving on and not have lost everything…and I’m talking about our sanity. Good luck and if you publish a literary work on this subject, please inform us. Sue



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  4. The_Dawg says:

    Congrats on the one year, you came at the perfect time. It was just over a year ago that my whole life turned around.
    And as my nickname “The_Dawg” reflects, like the TV Show, I’m out to expose this man that wronged me and 5 others.
    The national data base seems to be one of our only tools for the future, for our daughters and sons to be able to even have a chance at dodging these sociopaths .
    I feel for the victims who are scared to trust again, I know, it was hard for me too. We just can’t rely on only our feelings any more. When I met the man I’m with now, I explained some of what had gone on letting him know if he wanted a relationship with me we needed trust. I met his family, friends and ex-wife. He invited me to his job where I met his co-workers and he showed me his employment history. Sounds strange, but if you think about it, were bringing this person into our homes, and exposing our lives. When I volunteered at my kids school, I had to be fingerprinted. When I apply for a car loan, they look at my credit history, why then should we feel embarrassed to ask for these things when were finding a mate? I’m not missing out on being in a loving relationship just because some con man coned me, that would mean he still has the power over me.
    Yes, I am still legally married to that Bigamist Monster, he’s playing the game of run around, to try and ruin me financially. There he sits with his new wife, new life, trying to keep this power over me. But he can’t take away the happiness I’ve found. I patiently wait for the day I can say I’m free from him for good.

    The Dawg



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  5. donnalayne says:

    Thank you Donna, for having this website, for supporting my cause to stop these sociopaths from claiming another victim man or woman. It is sad that our country protects these criminals, and we are the ‘laughingstock’ of the public. They should walk a mile in any victim’s shoes, and they would be signing a petition for a National Database. They would not be so quick to blame us the victims. Congratulations on your blog being up a year. Wish it had been around in 2000. Thanks for everything. Donna “victim” of the Don Juan of Con.



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  6. will be okay says:

    I have to Thank You too Donna. Since I lost my job and insurance, due to my ex sociopath shattering my life. I have not been able to get mental health help, so this website has been a godsend. To understand what happened, to know I’m not alone, and to have a venue where I can talk about it, has helped me more than words can say. Thank You!!



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