Dealing with a sociopath
Have absolutely No Contact

The best way to deal with a sociopath is not to deal with him. Reject him. Cut him off. Have absolutely No Contact.

No Contact means do not talk to him on the phone. Do not send, open or reply to e-mail. No instant messages or text messages. No cards, letters or packages. And certainly do not see him. (All of this applies to female sociopaths as well.)

If you're in the midst of legal battles with the sociopath, let all communication go through your lawyer, accountant or another intermediary. (Make sure they understand how sociopaths operate.)

Easier said than done

If you've been snared by a sociopath, you may find that you have difficulty maintaining No Contact. You may find yourself thinking about him and wanting to talk to him. Here are some of the reasons—and why they are not good reasons.

1. You're still in love with him
The person you loved never existed. It was an illusion created by the sociopath to manipulate you. If you still have feelings for him, they are feelings for what you wanted him to be, not for what he is.

2. You feel sorry for him
The sociopath may cry, plead and grovel, insisting that he will change. You want to believe him. Unfortunately, this is not the case with sociopaths—they do not change. He is using the pity play, trying to take advantage of your good nature and suck you in again. Don't fall for it.

3. You don't want to admit you were wrong
You may have a lot invested in the relationship—especially if he's been taking money from you—and you don't want to lose everything. You think you can force him to make you whole. Yes, you may negotiate, and he may agree to repay you. But don't expect him to actually do it.

4. You want to have the last word
You want him to understand how he hurt you. You want him to apologize. Here's what you need to know: He will never understand your feelings, because sociopaths have no empathy. If he apologizes, it will only be a tactic to bleed you some more.

5. Better the devil you know
Some people would rather put up with emotional, psychological and even physical abuse than face the unknown. If this is you, understand that it is unlikely he will treat you any better in the future, and it is very likely that he will treat you worse. The unknown may be scary, but it also offers a chance for a new life.

Change the dynamics

Why is No Contact important? Sociopaths are experts at breaking down their victims, piece by piece. If you have contact with him, you will be back in his game and he will continue to manipulate you. To begin your recovery, you must put him out of your life.

"No Contact changes the dynamics of the situation. The victim is now in control." That's the view of the manager of MSN Psychopath, who has helped hundreds of people.

With No Contact, you are saying "no more."

If you must have contact

Unfortunately, you may have no choice but to have contact with the sociopath, especially if you have children with him. If you're in this situation, here are two important guidelines:

1. Always be on mental red alert when dealing with a sociopath.
2. Never deal with a sociopath alone; have a witness.

For more communication techniques, visit the abuse management page on MSN Psychopath.

Out of the blue

Months or even years after you end it with the sociopath, he may show up again. He'll tell you he's in trouble, and you're the only one who can help him. What do you do? Don't bail him out. Ignore him. Let him suffer the consequences of his behavior.

He's testing to see if he can start bleeding you again. Remember, sociopaths do not change.