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Struggling with no contact?

No contact is of the utmost importance when it comes to recovering from any unhealthy relationship.  Why, then, can it be so hard to maintain?  How is it that we can do so well for long stretches and then become instant Jell-O with seemingly little warning?

Of the myriad of struggles we may experience during recovery, this seems to be one of the most common snags.  The cold reality is that we are going through withdrawal and there is no methadone to ease the pain of this addiction.  Making matters worse, each and every time we break it, the clock starts over, feeling worse than we did previously.

If his eyes could talk when he walked out, they would have said “this pond’s been fished out”

Spath TalesEditor’s Note: This Spath story was submitted by Lovefraud reader “Christina2014”

I met him while I was living in Philadelphia working as a designer.

He was homeless, penniless, hitchhiking through the country.

He told me that his family disowned him and that he is a writer/activist. He introduced himself with a fake name at first, but later, when he realized that I was a worthwhile victim, he gave me his real name and decided to camp out in my life for a while.

Students develop scientific way to reduce date rapes

Four students from North Carolina State invented a nail polish that can detect date rape drugs.

Four students from North Carolina State invented a nail polish that can detect date rape drugs.

Four students from North Carolina State University invented “Undercover Colors,” a  nail polish that can detect if a date-rape drug has been added to a drink.

A woman wearing the nail polish just stirs her drink with her finger. If a drug is in the drink, the nail polish changes color.

The nail polish is a scientific attempt to thwart a nationwide problem. A recent Washington Post analysis showed more than 3,900 allegations of forcible sex offenses on college campuses nationwide in 2012, a statistic that rose 50 percent in three years

New York couple releases two Amish girls after 24 hours in captivity.

Stephen Howells and Nicole Vaisey

Stephen Howells and Nicole Vaisey mug shots.

In upstate New York, Nicole Vaisey and her boyfriend Stephen Howells Jr. allegedly lured two Amish girls, ages seven and 12, away from the family vegetable stand they were working and into their car.

St. Lawrence County Sherriff’s Sgt. Brooks Bigwarfe said the couple shackled the girls and intended on turning them into slaves.

According to police, the pair got frightened by news reports and released the girls 24 hours after their capture  some 30 miles from where they had been abducted. Authorities revealed that the girls had been sexually assaulted while in captivity.

Robin Williams, suicide and sociopaths

Robin Williams

Robin Williams

Like millions of fans around the country and the world, I gasped when I heard the news: Robin Williams was dead of an apparent suicide.

How could it be? He was so funny! Every time I watch Birdcage I practically fall off the sofa laughing.

And he was such an amazing talent! In Good Morning Vietnam, Williams ad-libbed all of the Adrian Cronauer’s broadcast scenes. And the movie Aladdin was rejected for an Academy Award for Best Adapted Screenplay because Williams, as the Genie, ad-libbed so many lines.

See some of Williams’ magnificent improvisations here:

I had a seven-year affair with my sociopath pastor

Spath Tales

Editor’s note: This story was written by a reader whom we’ll call “Carlotta.”

My story began rather sad. I met the P when I was almost 15.

I am 22 now and had dated this man for seven years in a secret relationship that no one knew about. At that time (seven years ago), he was married for a year and was a pastor of a church.

He began using his authority to get close to me and hang out with him more and one day approached me and told me that he is attracted to me and loves me, also mentioning that he feels so loved by me and no one else.

Selena Thomas declines marriage proposal, ends up dead

Thomas and Martinez_300x300

Selena Thomas and Alfredo Martinez, from her Facebook page.

Selena Thomas, of Nampa, Idaho, was surprised when her boyfriend, Alfredo Martinez, unexpectedly showed up at her job with an engagement ring and proposed. But Thomas’ response was that “they’d talk about it at home later.” Probably not what the man her co-workers called “a very controlling guy” wanted to hear.

A few days later Thomas didn’t show up for work, or respond to phone calls or text messages. Her mother, Lori Moon, reported her missing.

My ‘knight in shining armor’ turned out to be a sociopath


Editor’s note: The following was written by “Cajungirl.”

I found my “knight in shining armor” as a single mom of a six-month-old baby. My boyfriend was too good to be true to myself and my son. I fell in love quickly and soon life was easier and we settled into home life.

Three years later I am pregnant with my second child and decided to marry the man I loved.

He traveled 4-5 days a week so we decided I would be the at-home caregiver.

By August 21, 2014 5 Comments Read More →

Psychopaths as Predators: Protecting Children

A child predator is likely (but not always) a psychopath and not necessarily a stranger. Here are some points to consider when it comes to protecting your children.*

Be Present

People who prey on children are likely to seek out roles that give them time for intimate contact. That includes coaches, club advisors, teachers, pastors, and so on. Background checks are only useful if the individual has been caught, and let’s face it, many are not. A clever psychopath who preys on children is likely to evade detection through charisma, deception, and a values-driven facade. This person may be the last you’d ever expect—the type who spends time with the family even when the children aren’t around.

Introducing a new Lovefraud feature: Spath Tales

Spath TalesEven after all these years — Lovefraud launched in 2005 — the stories I hear about the atrocious behavior of sociopaths still shock me.

The brazen deception. The cruelty. The unthinkable evil.

Unfortunately, most of the world doesn’t know that these predators live among us.  One of Lovefraud’s missions is to alert people about these exploiters and what they are capable of doing. And the best way to do that is by sharing the experiences of those who have tangled with them.

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