Why you weren’t thinking clearly when you fell for the sociopath

narcissist loveRomantic love really does wreak havoc on your brain chemistry. In fact, love has pretty much the same effect on your brain as cocaine.

Berit Brogaard has written a book called On Romantic Love: Simple Truths about a Complex Emotion. Brogaard writes:

When you fall in love with someone, norepinephrine fills you with raucous energy, serotonin boosts your self-confidence, and dopamine generates a feeling of pleasure. New love is a kind of love addiction but not yet a kind of pathological love addiction. In falling in love, however, the brain is on crack—a dangerous state of mind.

Q&A with Tiffany Kettermann, a new member of the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide

Tiffany KettermannLovefraud is pleased to introduce Tiffany Kettermann as a new member of the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide. We asked her a few questions:

What experience have you had dealing with sociopaths or other disordered personalities—personally, professionally, or both?

I am a counselor in Portland, Oregon with both personal and professional experience in healing from personality disordered and exploitative relationships. Having had my own experience with toxic relationships and healing, I am able to provide empathy, support and insight for survivors in ways that many therapists cannot. I have worked with domestic violence survivors and on community crisis teams to help survivors of trauma and abuse, and I train other professionals in understanding and supporting survivor experiences.

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Problem with today’s newsletter

If you’ve received today’s newsletter and clicked on a link, you’ll see a big red security warning that the site contains malware.

The problem is with the newsletter vendor, Aweber.com. Apparently there was a problem with another one of Aweber’s customers, and Google put the malware notice on everything sent out by Aweber.

Lovefraud was not hacked.

I am sorry for the inconvenience.



Posted in: Announcements

Why sociopaths succeed: Style matters more than substance

Charismatic, glib, grandiose, magnetic, energetic — sociopaths are typically described in these terms. No matter what they actually do and say, these men and women have style.

And, according to a classic experiment in education research, style is all that is needed to be respected and believed.

Back in 1970, Dr. Donald H. Naftulin, director of Continuing Education in Psychiatry at the University of Southern California School of Medicine, and colleagues, conducted an experiment to test the hypothesis that student ratings of educators depend largely on personality variables and not on educational content.


My father the sociopath: ‘I should just kill you’

Emotional young blondeEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Judith-Ann.”

Many of us grow up in homes of loud abuses. As children, constant new realities wail on our fledgling emotions, all too often beating them into submission. Some of us give up. Our sensitive natures can’t bear the hate of our own creators and we crash into ourselves in a thousand ways, catching fire until we burn out like stars, until there is nothing of ourselves but a black hole of self-hatred.

Drugs, Santeria and Girlfriend Change — Sociopath Stories

Drug Past

One of the many shockers of being with a sociopath is their ability to coerce you into their criminal activity.  When I was dating the spath, at first, he seemed so innocent and shy.  As time went on he began to leak to me his stories.  So he would lock me in with his intrigue, then feed me a portion of his past.  The first shocker story came from his participation in the drug business in the country he grew up in.

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: What Did He Do To My Daughter?!

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from “Starmom.”

Many people have had opinions, but no one’s been able to address the origin: Something caused my daughter to change, virtually overnight — what could the guy have done to her?

Ten years ago, I made a mistake. Relatively new to an area where I didn’t know anyone very well, I accepted “a ride home” from someone I didn’t know. Refusing to take me home, and keeping me out, I was forcibly kept awake for what came to be at least two and a half days and nights straight — after which my mind blacked out from exhaustion and I don’t know what happened.

My new heroes: Ashley Madison cheating site hackers

Ashley Madison websiteAshleyMadison.com, a dating website for married cheaters, has been hacked.

The website’s slogan is, “Life is short. Have an affair.” Now, the personal details of 37 million members, including nude photos and sexual fantasies, have been compromised.

This is a moral dilemma for me. Of course, hacking a website is criminal. But as far as I’m concerned, all of those cheaters are getting what they deserve.

The hackers, a person or group calling itself the “Impact Team,” has demanded that the website owner, a company called Avid Life Media, take down Ashley Madison (AM), and another hookup site that it owns called Established Men (EM) and Cougar Life.

Canadian court rules that child welfare authorities gave kids to abusive father

Boy crying while sitting on the stairsA mother in British Columbia, Canada, said her ex-husband sexually abused their children. Child welfare authorities believed the father’s story that she was mentally unstable and gave him the kids.

After three years, and millions of dollars in legal fees, the court finally vindicated the mother.

Ian Mulgrew: Children’s ministry sided with sexually abusive father, court finds,on VancouverSun.com.

Actual supreme court ruling in J.P. vs. B.G., on Canlii.org.

Links supplied by a Lovefraud reader.

With the sociopath — is it love or addiction?

Terry Kelly and Donna Andersen

Yes, you can recover from the sociopath and find true love. Donna Andersen with her husband, Terry Kelly, on July 19, 2015.

Editor’s Note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we’ll call “Gianna.”

After extensive searches for the article already written, I’ve come to think I should just ask the question.

Will I ever be able to love someone the way I loved the sociopath?

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